


The Untold Stories of the Smash Mansion

by LadyTea



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: F/M, Oneshot collection, legacy work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 16:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 42,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2116191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyTea/pseuds/LadyTea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of oneshots about what the brawlers get up to when they're not, you know, brawling. Mostly follows Marth, Link and Ike, as well as Pit, Zelda, Samus, and Peach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ike's Interesting Day

**Author's Note:**

> Easily the longest fic I've ever written, this first chapter is the first fanfiction I ever wrote, first posted the summer of 2011, making this fic unique in that it spans a year of my fanfiction career. As such, it stands as a testament to where I was when I started, and where I am now. I hope you'll enjoy it and continue on this journey with me as we become better, more confident writers and find our place in the world.

"Ike!"

Ike, who was busy polishing his broadsword, Ragnell, did not hear his name being called. Brushing his hair out of his eyes, he readjusted his position on the floor and picked up his sword to examine his handiwork. Satisfied, he stood up to go return it to the weapons room, when something collided with him at full speed and sent him sprawling.

* * *

Link was barreling down the halls. He was going so recklessly that he misjudged a couple corners, causing him to hit the wall opposite, which left him staggering rather drunkenly. Turning down a side hallway, he finally spotted who he was looking for.

"Ike!" Link yelled as loud as he could. For some reason, Ike didn't hear him. _If he can't hear me_ , Link thought, _then I'll just have to get his attention some other way, by knocking him over._ Once within reach, Link leapt forward and slammed into Ike, which sent them both flying.

* * *

Somewhat dazed, Ike looked around him, searching for what knocked him over. His gaze fell on a boy slightly smaller than him, with blond hair and an instantly recognizable elf-like green hat in his hand.

"Yo, Link," Ike said calmly, "what's got you all wound up?"

"You think _I'm_ wound up?" Link asked as the stood up, looking around nervously. "Mario's the one who's wound up! He's gone on some sort of rampage, and is taking out anyone who gets in his way!"

Ike seemed to be taking this rather calmly. "Who is he af-"

Ike was cut off by a sudden crashing sound as a very angry Mario knocked down the door in his haste to get inside. "YOU!" he cried, pointing straight at Ike. Link put his hat back on his head. "Oh yeah, forgot to mention, he's after you, Ike."

Ike stood up and looked at Mario. "What's this all about?"

"YOU! HOW DARE YOU! PEACH IS MINE!"

"Calm down Mario, I haven't even seen Peach since we brawled yester-"

"LIES! LIES I SAY!" Mario was growing more enraged by the minute. Fortunately, Captain Falcon chose this moment to arrive.

"Greetings, fellow brawlers!"

Everyone stared. Captain Falcon suddenly became aware of the red-hatted figure in front of him. "Mario! I've been looking all over for you! Come with me to the stadium! I must practice my Falcon Punch!" Dragging a protesting Mario by the overalls, the captain left, leaving Link and Ike to stare after them. Link let out a sigh of relief. "You just got really lucky Ike. Mario was about to tear you to pieces, and there was no way I was going to get in the way of the angry little guy."

"I can't understand why he's so angry," mused Ike, mostly to himself, "I wasn't even near Peach today!"

Link shrugged non-committally. Then his blue eyes lit up. "You know, Marth's been on a bit of a pranking spree lately…"

Ike laughed. "What, you think it was him? He cowers whenever he sees me with my sword!" For emphasis, he swung it around to rest on his shoulders. Link was forever in awe of how Ike could wield such a huge weapon with such ease.

Link became serious. "You know what he did to me? He put itching powder in my hat! Zelda wouldn't talk to me for a week until it wore off! Then, Marth went and replaced all of Olimar's pikmin with candies, and we all know how dangerous an angry Olimar is."

Ike shuddered. The last time someone made Olimar mad, they weren't heard of for a week. He ran his hand through his hair. "Yikes. What's gotten into Marth?"

The Hylian shrugged again. "Either way, he's probably the one behind this mess."

Ike seemed to agree with this. "Alright then. Where can I find the azure-haired prankster?"

Link shrugged for the third time. "Don't ask me. He won't even be in the same _room_ as me since I kicked his butt with the Master Sword for making me all itchy."

Ike suppressed a laugh. "Go talk to Zelda, she seems to have been hanging around with him a lot lately," Link said with a hint of resentment. He checked the clock. "I should go; Sheik said she'd help me fix my glove. It got caught on one of my arrows right before I fired it, so it kinda ripped." Laughing a little and twirling his hat on his fingers, Link left Ike to sort out his Marth/Mario mess.

* * *

Zelda was lying on her bed, fantasizing about Link, when a tall figure appeared in the doorway. "Oh, hello, Ike," she said, "how can I help you?"

"Have you seen Marth lately?"

"I believe he went to his room," the princess replied. "Why?"

"I, er…need to talk to him."

Zelda raised an eyebrow. "Okay, you two boys have fun, then."

Too preoccupied to ponder the implications of that, Ike set off for Marth's room, which was, to Link's utter dismay, only a few doors down from Zelda's. Ike knocked.

"Oh, hey, Ike," Marth said as he opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"Sure." Marth opened the door a little wider and stepped back.

"So I hear you told Mario I was hooking up with Peach." Ike was not one to beat around the bush. "What makes you an expert on my love life?"

Marth didn't respond immediately. His cobalt eyes were locked on something in Ike's hand. The warrior looked down and noticed that he was still holding Ragnell. He decided to use this to his advantage. "So," he said, swinging the blade up to rest on his shoulder, "you going to answer me or not?"

Marth, now looking very afraid, stammered, "C-come on, Ike! Wh-what's a little practical joke b-between friends?"

Ike swung the sword around above their heads to rest on the other shoulder. Marth let out a very un man-like squeal as it ruffled his hair. "Yikes! Not the hair! Jeez, Ike, it was just for laughs! No harm meant…"

Ike smiled in spite of himself. Marth had confessed. "Well, you know what this means."

From between silky bangs, Marth looked up. "What?"

Ike took Marth by the collar and started to drag him out of the room. "Time for a brawl!" he said lightly, with fire dancing in his eyes. Marth tried to free himself, but the prince was no match for someone who could swing a broadsword around like it was a toy. He groaned softly to himself.

Ike laughed. "After all that, it's time for some fun!"

Across the hall, Link laughed too. He had watched it all unfold from his perch on the wall. He uncrossed his arms, put on his hat, and went to the stadium to watch what would be quite the battle. _Heck, if I get lucky,_ he thought, _maybe Ike will let me join! Marth's been getting too close to my girl anyway. Time for revenge!_


	2. A Frozen Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the freezer malfunctions, what's going to happen to all the ice cream?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you like ice cream? I like ice cream. That's what predominately inspired this chapter.

Marth awoke the following day in a very sore state. Stretching his cramped shoulders, he rolled out of bed and nearly slipped on a random shirt he had left sitting on the floor. Having recovered his balance, he took a quick glance in the mirror to make sure his hair wasn't too horrendous. It wasn't, but he still felt the need to brush it and make it perfect.

* * *

Contrary to Marth, Ike woke up in a fairly pleasant mood. The sun's early morning rays glimmered their way through his window to light up the room. He hopped quickly out of bed; he wanted to get to the cafeteria as soon as possible because he had been tipped off about today's breakfast: pancakes. Ike loved pancakes. He wasn't entirely sure why, although it may have had something to do with the fact that he always put on way too much syrup. He stepped out of his room, and closed the door.

* * *

When Link opened his eyes, he could not for the life of him figure out why all he could see was green. After a minute, it occurred to him that he must have fallen asleep with his hat over his face. Picking up the elfish garment, he tossed it across the room and it landed neatly on top of his dresser. Pleased with his aim, he proceeded to roll back over to sleep a little longer, but then someone began to knock insistently at his door. Groaning loudly, he got up, shuffled over to the door, and opened it.

* * *

Pit was bouncing down the halls. The hyperactive little angel had been up for nearly an hour and he couldn't wait to go eat breakfast; for someone who was starving, he sure had a lot of energy. As he spiraled around a corner, he spotted Marth and Ike outside of Link's room. The Hylian was still on the inside and looking as though this was the last thing he wanted to be doing. Pit caught up to them just in time to hear Ike say: "…serving pancakes today!"

"What's this about pancakes?" Pit looked up at Ike, who was nearly a foot taller than him.

"I was just saying that…"

"Ike is obsessed with pancakes and has taken it upon himself to wake everyone else up and announce it to them. And the cafeteria is serving them today."

The warrior glared at the prince who had interrupted, and then smacked him across the head.

"Ouch!" Marth yelled. "Didn't you get enough of hitting me yesterday?"

"No, actually, I didn't." Ike responded, smiling a little. "Anyway, what are we all doing standing around? There are pancakes to be eaten!" With that, he set off in a purposeful march in the general direction of the cafeteria. Link, Marth, and Pit all exchanged a glance, and then trooped off after Ike.

Pit flapped his wings and was soon gliding along over top of all of them. Lowering himself so he was level with Marth's head, he asked: "Has Ike always been this obsessed with pancakes?"

Marth thought for a minute before answering. "He has as long as I've known him. I highly doubt though that they have pancakes where he comes from. Maybe that's why he always eats so many."

"Hey!" Apparently, Marth hadn't talked quietly enough; Ike had heard him. "I resent that. And I don't eat as many pancakes as Kirby does."

"NO ONE eats as many ANYTHINGS as Kirby does," Link countered. "I wonder…what does that little pink puff DO with it all?" He shuddered. "On second thought, I don't want to know."

* * *

When the little group entered the cafeteria, a strange scene was waiting for them. Several of the other brawlers were already there, sitting in the chairs at the tables, dressed in assorted housecoats, sweatpants, and pajamas. There were also the four chefs, and one of the mansion directors standing before them. The term "director" was somewhat of an inaccuracy; the only thing these directors did was make sure the mansion didn't explode or something. They only ever showed up when something had gone wrong.

The man turned to Ike, Link, Pit, and Marth. He walked over to them and smiled, but the smile never reached his almost black eyes. "Good morning. I am Mr. Cameron. I know you may have been looking forward to the pancakes this morning, but, I regret to say, there has been a bit of a mishap."

The expression on Ike's face had gone from joy when he entered, to confusion when Mr. Cameron came up to them, and now to utter shock and horror. Link chanced a side glance at him and nearly fell over as he tried to keep his laughter under control.

"It seems," Mr. Cameron continued, glaring pointedly at Link until he stopped snickering, "that one of the freezers has begun to malfunction. It is no longer keeping food cold. The pancakes have been cancelled until we can get to the bottom of this."

Everyone sighed. Then, Pit piped up. "Mr. Cameron? Which freezer is it that isn't working properly?" Pit's nighttime excursions for midnight snacks had made him an expert on which fridge and freezer contained what.

"The one nearest to the back wall," Mr. Cameron stated. "The one that contains all the ice cream."

Everyone seemed to stop. Marth was the first one to regain control of speech. "So…you mean to tell us," he began, "that there is an immense amount of frozen goodness in there that is slowly melting away into nothing, and you haven't offered to let us eat it yet?"

Now it was Mr. Cameron's turn to be dumfounded. "I was…er…I was planning to…Oh, fine. Go ahead. Enjoy!"

All the brawlers made a mad dash for the kitchen. "ICE CREAM!" They cried in unison.

* * *

The inside of the kitchen was like a frozen heaven. While Ike and Marth were having mock sword fights with their spoons over the carton of strawberry ice cream, Kirby was trying to inhale as much Espresso Flake as he possibly could. Link was loving every spoonful he took of mint chocolate chip, and Pit's brain was freezing up for the third time as he consumed too much chocolate-vanilla swirl. Zelda and Peach were daintily eating out of one of the many cartons of vanilla; on the contrary, Ganondorf was practically face first in the nearly liquidized container of chocolate. It was a real ice cream feast.

* * *

An hour and a half later, the freezer was fixed. It seemed that all that had happened was the cord had slipped out of the socket. The remaining ice cream was returned to the freezer, and everyone had returned to their rooms. Well, almost everyone.

"Duuuude, that was soooooo good…"

Ike chuckled deeply at the Hylian's remark. Too full to move, the two of them had hunkered down beside the kitchen door and were too comfortable to get back up.

"We should do this again sometime."

"Yeah…but I still wish I had gotten my pancakes…"


	3. Dodgeball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you can dodge a wrench... or colourful bombs, explosions, arrows, and whatever else the smashers throw at you, you can dodge a ball. Or can you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally requested anonymously on FF.net, I had a great deal of fun writing a chapter in which everyone throws rubber balls at each other, despite the fact I hated dodgeball in elementary school.

It had been a relatively normal morning, up until Marth walked into the cafeteria. Several of the other brawlers, including Ike, Link, Pit, Samus, and Luigi, were standing in a line across the room. Even weirder was the fact that each one of them was holding a medium-sized red rubber ball. Several other balls were scattered around on the floor.

From the center of the line, Link smiled maliciously at his friend's blank stare and cried at the top of his lungs, "FIRE!"

Before Marth knew what was happening, he was hit full force by more dodgeballs than anyone could be bothered to count and was sent staggering back into the hall. He glimpsed Link, who hadn't tossed his ball yet, preparing to come after him, so he picked up the nearest ball and ran for it.

* * *

Back in the cafeteria, Ike had become Zelda's new target. It was unfair, really, that she was using magic to send the balls careening into the tall warrior, but no one had complained as of yet. Rolling sideways, he snatched one of the balls sent at him out of the air and hurled it back at the princess. It knocked her off balance and Ike used that moment to make a hurried escape. Wheeling around a corner into presumed safety, he almost stepped on Kirby.

"Sorry!" he said to the unperturbed pink puff. Kirby smiled strangely at him. It was at this moment Ike realized that Kirby's cheeks were slightly more…ball shaped…than usual.

"Oh, n-"

* * *

About 150 meters from the cafeteria, Marth was still running full force. Pit had followed him from the cafeteria and was using the walls to propel himself forward until he was within throwing range. Suddenly, having remembered he had a ball in his hand, Marth whirled around and launched the ball as hard as he could. It caught Pit in the stomach and knocked him back several feet. He landed near a side hall; looking down it, he saw Ike lying spread-eagled on the ground and Kirby smiling his odd little Kirby grin. Pit realized too late that Kirby had spotted him, and the puff fired his second dodgeball at the angel.

A plasma wire shot out in front and snatched the ball out of the air. Kirby, dumfounded, squeaked in shock. Ike rolled up into a half-squat, and Pit turned around.

Samus was standing there, twirling her Paralyzer in one hand and holding the ball with the other, smiling viciously.

Pit and Ike stood, too scared to move. Kirby, on the other hand, squeaked loudly in terror, turned, and bounced away as quickly as he could, waving his short, stubby arms wildly.

The others were then galvanized into action. Pit vaulted up into the air and flew off back in the direction of the cafeteria. Ike quickly followed after dodging the ball Samus hurled at him.

"Not fair! Get back here!"

"Make me!"

Ike would regret saying that later.

* * *

When Pit zoomed in through the cafeteria doors, he found Link dangling by one arm from one of the crossbeams, and Luigi was halfway out one of the open windows. There were no dodgeballs left in the room, with the exception of the one that was lodged in the almost broken window next to the one Luigi was hanging out of. The tables had been knocked over and were scattered everywhere, and there were a couple lime green scorch marks on the floor as well.

"What in Palutena's name did you two DO in here?"

"We-" Link paused as he readjusted his grip, causing his hat to slip off. He managed to catch it with his foot. "We were playing dodgeball, and then the crazy Italian over there decided to create some sort of negative zone, then there was this blast of energy and…well…this happened."

When Link's hands slipped a little farther, Pit decided to stop questioning and get the poor Hylian out of his situation. He flew over and helped Link make a smooth landing, and then went to get Luigi out of the window.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ike was now trapped in the hallway by Marth. To make matters worse, Samus showed up. In one shot, she took out both the prince and the knight, bouncing the ball off of Marth's shoulder to give it enough height to smoke Ike in the head. And, just as the two men recovered, they heard something behind them.

"LUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIGGGII TIME!"

Ike and Marth dove to the side, leaving Samus wide open. Luigi's jumping throw hit her head on, or, at least it should have. She still had the plasma whip. All the inertia the ball had was switched to the opposite direction, and sent Luigi spinning backwards right into Link, who had picked a really bad time to show up. Pit flew over holding a Kirby that seemed to be twice the normal size between his hands. He stopped right in front of Marth.

"Now, Kirby!"

Kirby shot dodgeballs out of his mouth at Marth like a machine gun. He reeled back into Ike, then scurried behind him and tried to use him as a shield. In response to this, Ike reached around, grabbed Marth, and launched him over his head. The Marth Missile crashed into Pit, who dropped Kirby and then promptly landed right on top of him, flattening the creature into a pink pancake that squeaked loudly in protest. Samus, Ike, Link, and Luigi, as well as Zelda who decided that now was a good time to come out of hiding, were doubled over in laughter.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, back in the cafeteria, the dodgeball game had turned into an epic showdown between two teams: Zelda, Samus, Kirby, and Luigi versus Link, Ike, Marth, and Pit. The latter team was losing. The only advantage they had was that Pit could fly. On the other team, Zelda had her magic, Samus had the plasma whip, Kirby was like a squeaky pink bazooka, and Luigi seemed to enjoy creating negative zones. Link and Ike's efforts to hit the others were also diminished by the fact that Kirby would jump up, eat the ball, and then fire it right back at them with twofold speed. Just when they were about to raise the white flag, in came Mr. Cameron.

"What in blazes is going on in here?"

"We were just-" Link attempted.

"This room is destroyed! Not to mention several dents I found in the walls on the way here!"

There was no attempt at a response this time.

"All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. This incident will not be forgotten nor be taken lightly." Mr. Cameron sighed and ran a hand over his gelled hair. "Now, all of you return to your rooms. You do not want to be here when the president arrives."

None of them had met the president, and none of them wanted to. They left quickly.

Once they were out of earshot, Link decided to see if he could lighten the mood. "Even though we did get in trouble that has got to be the most fun thing we've ever done!"

To his delight, Ike agreed. "It was definitely worth getting yelled at."

"We should totally do it again sometime!"

The response to this was unanimous: "NO."

Pit shrugged. "It was worth suggesting."

"Next time," Marth said as he patted the angel on the shoulder, "let's try a less dangerous activity, okay? One that isn't going to tear the cafeteria apart. Or, at least, we should use the rec room!"

Link slapped himself in the forehead. "I can't believe we forgot about the rec room! I guess we all just got too caught up in the game."

"You know what I've been wondering?" Marth said. "Where did you guys get those dodgeballs from, anyway?"

Everyone laughed. "It's better that you don't know," Ike told the prince.

Finally, they reached the hall where all their rooms were. Each went through their separate doors, and the last sound anyone heard before noon was the closing of the last door. They all lay down and went back to sleep.


	4. A Smashing Halloween Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Halloween party at the Smash Mansion gets freaky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say here; I had a Halloween idea I really liked and decided to run with it!

The day before Halloween in the Smash Mansion was always a busy day, because everyone was busy preparing for the party. Early in the morning, a mysterious and anonymous list (which everyone knew was written by the president) would appear on the bulletin board stating the jobs for each smasher. Each task was carefully assigned to the smasher who would be able to complete it the quickest and with the most success. Donkey Kong, Bowser and Ganondorf were to carry up the tables from the basement into the large rec room where Ike, Marth, and Link were waiting to set them up. Pit was slated to hang up the decorations that Zelda and Peach would be making. Kirby, Jigglypuff, Meta Knight, and King Dedede were to help the angel as well. Lucas and Ness had been asked to use their PK powers to create special effects, such as PK fire in the cauldrons, and the pokemon trainer (who insisted on being called "Red" because he found "Ash" to be very insulting) was to direct Squirtle, Ivysaur, Charizard, and Pikachu to help the little psychic boys. Yoshi and Olimar had been requested to use orange and black eggs and pikmin to create colourful displays. The Star Fox team (including Wolf) and the Italian brothers had to come up with the entertainment, and last, but not least, Sonic the Hedgehog had to dash back and forth between each group to make sure progress was being made. Any smasher without a job was to stay out of the way of the ones that did, especially Sonic, seeing as he might unintentionally run over anyone who got in his way.

* * *

At three o'clock, everything was well underway. Most tasks were already finished. The only ones still working hard were Zelda, Peach, Pit, and the entertainment team. King Dedede, Meta Knight, Kirby, and Jigglypuff had abandoned the angel, so Sonic sent Lucario out to see if he could sense their auras. He couldn't. Just as Pit was resigned to working alone, Bowser suddenly appeared and offered his services. This was extremely odd, but no one questioned it. The decorating team was finished in under an hour.

Meanwhile, Fox, Falco, Wolf, Mario, and Luigi were slowly but surely making progress. They had already devised a music playlist, and so were coming up with games. Luigi had just volunteered to disguise himself as a fortune teller, to the vociferous protests of Falco.

"No fortune tellers!" the pilot insisted. "'Fortune' is just a bunch of hooey. And you're not even a real fortune teller!"

"But that's-a the point!" Mario responded for his brother, who was embarrassed and fidgeting.

"Yeah, I think it's a great idea!" Fox encouraged. He gave Luigi a thumbs up, who smiled weakly.

"So do I," Wolf added, "which means, Falco, you're outnumbered."

"Fine, fine," Falco waved a wing in defeat, "but don't come crying to me when this all fails."

Ignoring that last part, Fox tracked down a round table and chair and set them up. Luigi created a non-explosive negative zone around them. After the dodgeball incident, he was much more careful about which type of negative zone he created. When he finished, the team decided that between the music to dance to, the food that would be later set up at the back, and the fortune-telling, everyone would be well entertained. When Fox closed the rec room door behind him, it would remain closed until the following day. Everything would be untouched.

* * *

When the chef who was to set up the candy opened the door early on Halloween, he was thoroughly impressed with the set up job. There were tables lined up at the back for him to display his Halloween goodies on, a round fortune-telling table in a corner that was glowing with eerie green light, a spacious area for dancing, and speakers at the front to play spooky music from. The decorations were impressive as well. Orange and black streamers were wound around the crossbeams, and little pumpkin decorations hung from every surface. Black cauldrons hung at intervals, and towers of alternating orange and black pikmin and Yoshi eggs were in three of the four corners. In the fourth corner sat a large spiked shell. The chef found this to be the most frightening because it seemed very, very lifelike. He decided to stay as far away from it as possible.

The chef went into the kitchen and turned on the lights. Already made and arranged on platters were the treats he had prepared the day before. There were chocolate cupcake towers with orange icing, several plates of cookies shaped like pumpkins, spiders, and ghosts, and the chef's personal favourite, rolls of dough he shaped to look like severed fingers. There were also the simple, classic things: bowls of orange and black jelly beans, bubble gum, and every other candy people get on Halloween. It took the chef several trips to get all of that set up, but he was very pleased with it all when he was done. He left, keeping as much space between him and the freaky shell as possible.

* * *

It was the best Smash Mansion Halloween party ever. The music was excellent, the food was delicious, and Luigi made a surprisingly good fortune teller. Hardly anyone was dressed up, but that wasn't particularly important to any of them. Costumes were hard to come by at the Smash Mansion, so many of the older brawlers went without. A few of the younger ones, like Lucas and Ness, just went with whatever they could find. Lucas was a toilet paper mummy, and Ness had a magnifying glass and called himself Sherlock. Everyone was having a good time. Or, at least everyone that was there.

"Has anyone seen Bowser lately?" was the frequently asked question. The frequent response was "He's anti-social. He's never come to one of these before, so why would he start now?" It was left at that.

With most of the lights off, the PK fire slowly burning in the cauldrons provided a flickering light that made everything all the more spooky, particularly the massive spiked shell. Once the brawlers got over their initial apprehension of the thing, they basically just ignored it and kept enjoying themselves.

Suddenly, everyone's favourite Halloween song started to play: Thriller! People cheered in delight, and those that knew the dance started doing it. Pit was even doing it in midair. Those that didn't know the dance just did their own version of the zombie, much to the delight of some of the others. Fox's "zombie" seemed to be one of the funniest. Wolf couldn't stop laughing long enough to get himself up off of the floor.

As the song drew to the chorus, people started to sing along.

_Cause this is thriller, thriller night_

_And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike_

_You know it's…_

Right where everyone should have sang out "Thriller!" a deafening roar sounded through the room, shaking the very walls and terrifying the brawlers. Peach and Zelda latched on to each other and screamed a scream that a banshee would've envied. Pit dropped like a stone, landing right on top of Link and crushing the Hylian as he tried to get as far away from the source of the roar as possible.

Standing in the corner where the spiked shell was, bellowing louder than Mario could ever remember, was Bowser. Slowly, everyone realized what had happened. They all calmed down, and the music came back on. Bowser laughed darkly, thoroughly pleased with the reaction he had received. Then, being the anti-social that he is, he left the rec room as everyone began to sing along once more.

_You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!_


	5. Running Catastrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How badly could an innocent game of tag REALLY go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the beginning of a small arc that runs for about four chapters, and is based on an anonymous request received on FF.net. Enjoy!

"Will someone please explain why I had to be woken up at this ungodly hour?"

It was seven in the morning, and eleven brawlers, all still in their pajamas, had squished themselves into Link's room, forgetting that he was still in there sleeping. The Hylian was now quite confused, and thoroughly annoyed.

"We want you to play with us!" Lucas exclaimed simply from the foot of the bed. Ness was to the right of the little psychic, and looked just as excited.

Link sat up as best he could without knocking off the three people who were sitting on the edge of his bed. "Okay, but why do you want me to play with you _now_?" he asked. "It's way too early still. We don't even have scheduled brawls at this time!"

Zelda, one of the ones sitting on the bed, shrugged. "We might as well. It won't do any harm."

"It's harming my sleep schedule," Link muttered under his breath. Then, figuring resistance was futile, he swung out of bed and marched out the door. He got halfway down the hall before he realized no one was following him. He spun on his heel and marched back to his room, where everyone was staring blankly out the door.

"Whaaaat?" he said, frustrated. "First you want to play with me at _seven in the freaking morning_ , and now you don't even follow when I leave to go and do just that! I have got to be dreaming…" he banged his head against the door.

Marth patted the sad boy's back awkwardly. "We didn't follow because you went without warning, and then went the wrong way. The rec room is in the other direction."

Link moaned loudly and continued smacking the door with his head. Fearing for his friend's sanity, Marth gently took him by the shoulders and led him out of the room. The rest followed.

A few hallways and half a spiral staircase later, Link spoke again. "Will you guys explain to me now what exactly you wish to do?"

Lucas was the one to pipe up again. "A running game! A running game!" he cried, waving his little arms over his head. He looked so adorable that Link just couldn't bear to turn him down by saying he didn't want to play. They continued down the rest of the staircase and into the rec room.

The rec room was immense. It was at least twenty meters long and wide, and ten meters high. Some of the walls bore scars from previous adventures that had occurred there, including a few scorch marks, splattered paint, and a deep groove three inches deep and ten inches long. They had never been repaired for many reasons, but mostly because the janitors just couldn't be bothered.

Lucas and Ness were the first two to run into the room, yelling gleefully. Zelda, Samus, and Sheik followed. Ike, Marth and Link were next, and Pit ducked under Ike's arm to squeeze between him and the door. Captain Falcon, Mario, and Luigi were the last ones to come in. They all gathered in a circle in the center, looking very mismatched in their pajamas.

"So," Ike was the first to speak from beside Sheik, "what exactly are we going to be doing in here?"

"Running around!" squealed Ness and Lucas together, chasing each other in a little circle.

Many people sighed. "We can't just do that!" Sheik complained. "That's boring. Can we at least make a game out of it?"

"Tag!" Ness shrieked. Little children are always incredibly loud during the incredibly early hours. He reached out quickly and tagged Lucas. "You're it!"

That's how the game began. Everyone quickly scattered around the room as Lucas began to wheel around and tag whoever he could. Unluckily for Ike, he happened to be the slowest, and unluckily for Sheik, she happened to be right next to him. Once Sheik had determined that the rule of "no tag-backs" was in play, she quickly located a target and went after it. This target happened to be Captain Falcon. When he was tagged, everything seemed to freeze as he raised his fist dramatically into the air.

"I'M IIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!" he yelled, smiling maniacally.

All heck broke loose. While Captain Falcon ran around the room at top speed, right arm out to falcon punch anyone who got in his way, everyone did their best to stay as far away from him as possible. At one point, Link got himself wedged in the corner and only narrowly avoided getting his head taken off. Unfortunately, it resulted in a new dent being added to the already beaten walls.

After five minutes of crazy falcon dodging, people started to get tired. Captain Falcon was chasing Mario, but the exhausted Italian tripped over his overlong pajama pants. He caught the full force of the falcon punch and flew straight into the wall, leaving a large, gaping hole.

It took everyone a moment to realize what had happened, and Captain Falcon even longer, but when they did, panic set in. Samus was the first to get over to the hole and climb through it. With the help of Zelda, they quickly located Mario. Luckily, the only thing broken was the wall. Once the girls were absolutely sure that Mario was fine, they went over to the others, who were trying desperately to find a way to hide this massive hole in the wall.

Link was being terribly useless. He was panicking, pacing back and forth and running his hands over and over through his increasingly messy hair. Ike looked calm and collected, as usual, but only those who knew him incredibly well could tell that on the inside, he was a mess. Luigi was beside himself with worry for his brother, and was also being of no use. Pit was trying to stack up the rubble and make it look like there was still a wall there, and Ness and Lucas were helping. Marth seemed to be the only one whose brain was working rationally enough to come up with a plan.

"Alright everyone, I have a plan!" Marth said triumphantly. When every desperate eye was on him, he continued: "We leave and pretend like this never, ever happened."

Most of them were all for this. Ike was not.

"It's not honest," he protested. "We, or rather Captain Falcon, made this mess, so we need to take responsibility."

"To hell with being honest," Link's mood was worsening, and so was his rationality, "we need to get out of here before somebody comes here and sees us! Do you have any idea how much trouble we'll be in if Mr. Cameron sees this?"

"Yes. You are all in a lot of trouble."

The brawlers whirled around simultaneously to see where the voice had come from. Mr. Cameron was standing at the bottom of the staircase, red in the face with anger. The brawlers could only watch sheepishly as he stalked stiffly over to the hole in the wall, made an angry sort of moaning sound while gesturing wildly, then regained his composure.

"This," he began with a cough, "will not go unsaid. The president will have to be told about this, and the other incident too." The brawlers involved in that dodgeball game blushed and stared at their feet. "I feel sorry for you, as I will do nothing to diminish his wrath. Good day," and he turned around and went up the staircase.

It was a full five minutes before anyone felt comfortable enough to say something.

"I feel like an idiot."

"So do I," Marth agreed with Link.

"I guess we should just go back to our rooms and wait to find out how we're punished," Ike said without any optimism at all.

The agreement was silent. They walked single file up the staircase, back down the halls, and into their rooms, dreading what they would find when they reopened the doors.


	6. The President's Retaliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the tag incident, the president of the Smash community cracks down on the Smashers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by StarshipArtisan on FF.net. Things get a little tricky, but Link, Marth, and Ike will always find a solution!

Marth closed his bedroom door behind him, an ominous feeling in his gut. In his hand was his cell phone, still open and displaying the text from Ike that woke him up: _Marth- meet me by the bulletin board. There's something you gotta see. -Ike_

When Marth neared the bulletin board outside the cafeteria, he saw the warrior standing there. He waved half-heartedly when the prince approached and said, "You'll never believe what our punishment is for Captain Falcon's screw up."

Marth looked at the board. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. There were a couple Nintendo flyers about games released two years ago, a stained and tattered cafeteria menu, and a lost-and-found poster for someone's bunny slippers. Then he noticed the large, stark-white notice tacked up right in the middle. He began to read:

_ Attention all residents of the Smash Mansion _

_Due to recent events and significant damage to the property, several new procedures are being put in place:_

_1\. A curfew will be enforced, effective immediately. All residents younger than sixteen are to remain in their rooms between the hours of eight-thirty in the evening and nine in the morning. All residents of at least sixteen years of age are to remain in their rooms between the hours of nine-thirty in the evening and nine in the morning._

_2\. All roughhousing is strictly off limits in all parts of the Smash Mansion, excluding the training grounds and the stadium._

_3\. All residents have been placed into six teams of six members each, and each team will work for one week at a time to repair the damage done to the recreation room. Abstaining from one's duties will result in immediate loss of all privileges and a non-optional vacation for an indefinite amount of time._

_An infraction of any kind will result in immediate loss of all privileges, and other possible punishments depending on the severity of the infraction. These procedures are in effect immediately. Directors will be patrolling the halls to reinforce them, and to administer punishment for any infraction._

_Regards,_

_The President_

When he finished reading, Marth had the urge to both punch something and burst into tears. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to make up his mind because someone cried out from behind him.

"This is ridiculous!"

Marth turned around to see a rather angry Link glaring furiously at the notice from over the prince's shoulder. The Hylian swore several times, and then proceeded to kick thin air. "This is stupid!"

"We're all angry," Ike said quietly, "but raging isn't going to solve anything. You read the paper; if we mess up, we could get evicted."

Link breathed deeply, and his face turned a slightly less vibrant shade of red. "Fine," his voice was shaking as he tried to stay under control, "but then what are we going to do about this?" He threw up his hands. "We can't just sit here!"

"We don't really have much of a choice right now," Marth said. He was shocked at how calm he sounded; on the inside, he was a wreck. "Has anyone else read this yet?"

"Now that you and Link have, everyone," Ike told him. "They're all in the cafeteria. Mr. Cameron is apparently going to come and answer any questions we have."

Link laughed dryly. "I've got one. Hey, Mr. Cameron, how would you like it if I stuck this paper up your-"

"OOOkay, that's enough!" Marth spoke hurriedly before Link said something he'd regret. "Let's just all go in the cafeteria, hm?"

Seeing no better option, the trio entered the room. All the chairs were arranged in rows, and most of the other smashers were already seated. They were all in the front two rows, except for Captain Falcon, who had seated himself as far away as possible so as to avoid the death glares he had been receiving for the last two days. Marth, Ike, and Link took the first three seats in the third row just as Mr. Cameron entered.

"Hello," the director stated cheerily, as if nothing depressing had been announced that morning. He was in his customary black suit, with gelled back hair, and his furiously polished shoes clicked across the floor. "I trust you all slept well."

There was no response. Mr. Cameron continued: "Well, I would think that you all noticed the notice posted outside, and I encourage you to voice any concerns you may be having at this moment."

There was much more of a response this time. Several smashers spoke up at the same time, and then they all just started yelling. Mr. Cameron caught only snippets of things, nowhere near enough to make sense of it all. It seemed he would have to use the microphone after all.

"QUIET!"

The silence was instantaneous; it was as if a blanket had settled overtop of everything. Mr. Cameron cleared his throat and continued, setting down the microphone.

"Now, it's evident that you are all aware of the notice that was posted this morning," Mr. Cameron addressed the crowd, "so the president has requested that I answer any questions that you might have. If so, this is the time to ask them."

Ike was the first to speak. "Could you explain the third rule in more detail?"

Mr. Cameron smiled, happy that the first question had been something easy. "Certainly. What will happen is this: each of you has been put into a team of six, and each team will take turns repairing the rec room wall. You'll be doing things like clearing the rubble and fixing the outside wall. The inside cement wall will be done once those jobs are finished. Is that clear?" When Ike nodded, the director continued, "Good. Any other questions?"

Pit raised his hand. "Does everyone have to help fix the hole in the wall? Even the little kids?"

Mr. Cameron thought for a moment before responding. "Everyone who is physically and mentally capable of helping to repair the wall will be helping."

"But what about Ness and Lucas?"

"Yes," Mr. Cameron said. "They are both physically capable of helping. The only excuse is if you are sick."

There was some murmuring in the crowd. Mr. Cameron spoke again. "Are there any more questions?"

It was Link's turn to ask. "I don't understand this whole 'punishment' thing."

"It's simple," Mr. Cameron began. "If there is any misbehaving and you are not following the rules, you will either have all of your privileges taken away or be sent home permanently, depending on the severity of your behavior." There was a large outcry at this, but Mr. Cameron got everyone back under control quickly. "Now, is that all?"

No one seemed to have any more concerns at the moment, so Mr. Cameron dismissed everyone. As they left, he dusted himself off and walked out the side door, wondering exactly what the president was thinking when he came up with these new rules. Mr. Cameron himself didn't like them. He thought that making the brawlers fix the wall themselves was a bit harsh, but when he'd voiced his concern at the meeting, the president had ignored him. Sighing, he stepped onto the portal outside the Smash Mansion. It glowed a vibrant blue, and transported him away.

* * *

Back in the mansion, Link's temper was once again getting the better of him.

"Mr. Cameron can go to hell," he grumbled. "This sucks."

Marth, glancing around quickly to make sure no one was listening in, said, "I agree that this is a bit harsh, seeing as they're actually threatening to send us home if we misbehave. But what are we going to do?" He sighed and ran a hand through his soft azure hair. "It's not like we'll carry any weight with the _president._ "

"Maybe not alone," Ike smiled strangely, "but if all of us worked together, then maybe, just maybe-"

"Say no more, Ike," Link was now smiling along with the spiky haired warrior, "I get it now. We need to show them that we won't be bound by some curfew. Starting tonight, we fight back!" He smiled evilly. "Of course, we won't disobey every rule at once. That's just asking for it. But starting now, operation 'Screw the Curfew' is a go!"


	7. Phase One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Operation: Screw the Curfew is a go!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by old, 50s-style ketchup and mustard bottles.

The Smash Mansion was incredibly quiet at midnight. All of the lights were off and it was pitch black, except for the occasional flashlight beam from the directors patrolling the halls. Most directors weren't paying much attention anymore by that point; it was just too quiet. All the doors were shut, every light was off, and every smasher was in his or her room. Or, so they thought.

* * *

Link made a mental note to himself that trashcans are the number one worst place to hide while one is planning how to screw the curfew. Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his hand. He flipped it open and it revealed a text from Marth, who was behind a door a few feet away from him. _Director just rounded corner. Coast is clear. P.S- Watch out for banana peel right beside your can. -ML_

Unfortunately for Link, he did not read the last part of that message. Even more unfortunately, he stepped on the banana peel. Screaming soundlessly, he managed not to land overly loudly. When he looked up, he could just barely make out Marth's form in the darkness shaking with hysterics. Link decided he would have to brutally murder the prince later.

Once Marth was back under control, the pair slipped farther down the hall, in the direction of the trashcan in which Pit had concealed himself. When they got close to it, they ducked down beside it and Link sent the angel a text. A minute later, the lid of the trashcan rose hesitantly and out popped Pit. The Altean, the angel, and the Hylian went a few feet farther and Marth almost walked straight into Ike, who had sensed their presence and was coming to meet them. Marth made a high-pitched squeak and instantly clapped his hand over his mouth. Everyone else had to fight to keep the snickering under control. When Link started gesturing for them to keep moving, they all complied.

They crept slowly along the walls as they neared their final destination. Suddenly, as Ike peered around a corner, he ducked back and dove sharply into the nearest hiding place: the janitor's closet. The door to the closet was never locked; it seemed the janitors were lazier than everyone thought. The others followed the warrior into the closet.

From between the tendrils of a mop head, Link saw through a crack in the door the beam of one of the directors' flashlights. It seemed to him that the beam lingered a fraction of a second too long on the closet door. Once the light had disappeared, the group waited in absolute silence for another minute to be certain that there was little chance of getting caught. Then, one by one, they slipped out and back down the hall.

Within a minute, they were standing in front of the prize: the cafeteria. Ike, Marth, and Link smiled triumphantly while Pit fist-pumped the air and hopped giddily back and forth. From his pajama pocket, Link produced a master key (Ike made a mental note to ask him about that later) and opened the door.

The cafeteria was pitch black. Marth pulled out a small flashlight and, once the door was shut, turned it on. Following the pale beam, the four fugitives crept across the room to the kitchen door. Link once again used the master key, and in they went.

Once inside, Link decided it was time to explain his plan.

"Okay," he began, hopping up onto the edge of the counter, "here's what we're going to do." He reached behind his head, opened the cupboard, and pulled out one of the old-fashioned ketchup bottles from the fifties. "We're going to take these suckers, and the mustard ones too, and use them to decorate the wall!" For emphasis, he took aim and squirted a big red splotch on the door. Then, he reached back into the cupboard and tossed several bottles of assorted condiments to the other boys. When they were all armed, Link slid off the counter and led the way out the door.

* * *

As one can imagine, the directors were thoroughly shocked and horrified by the state the cafeteria was in when they entered the next morning. Strange designs in red ketchup, yellow mustard, green relish, and pale mayonnaise covered every visible surface, including the ceiling. Mr. Cameron walked up to a mustard flower and ran his finger through one of the petals. It came away clean; the condiment had dried.

"At least it'll be easier to clean since it's dry," one of the younger directors stated.

"It doesn't really matter, Evan," Mr. Cameron said to the director, "since we won't be the ones cleaning it. The perpetrators will."

Evan was a bit confused by this. "But we don't even know who the perpetrators are!"

"No," Mr. Cameron admitted, "but that's why all of the residents will have to clean it. It's too big a room for two or three people to clean by themselves, anyway."

"Point taken."

Mr. Cameron nodded. "Then I guess it's time to notify the residents." He pointed to another director. "James, go ring the bell and get everyone in here."

James nodded quickly and ran off. A few minutes later, the bell began to ring. Several minutes after that, sleep-deprived smashers trickled into the room in twos and threes, and noticed the colourful display on the walls. Some were impressed; most were disappointed in the behaviour of their comrades. When they were all there, Mr. Cameron passed around towels and buckets of hot, soapy water.

"Every one of you is to clean off these walls before you are allowed to leave this room again."

Normally, this would have caused quite the uproar, but the brawlers were too tired. They did complain vehemently under their breath, however, while scrubbing ketchup faces and mayo stars off the walls and ceiling.

Link, Ike, Marth, and Pit gathered in one of the corners. While scrubbing off the relish butterflies that had been splattered there, they devised phase two of their plan.

"Now that we've demonstrated how the curfew is futile," Ike started, "we need to present the evidence to the president."

Link pointed at Marth with his soapy cloth, and the Altean had to recoil quickly to avoid getting suds in his face. "He's a prince," Link said. "He's used to political stuff."

Marth raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? What's your point?"

"My point is you should be the one to 'present the evidence' or whatever."

Marth straightened up and took on a very regal look. "I am honoured by your request, noble elf."

Link's blue eyes narrowed sharply. "Not an elf."

Marth laughed. "Sure you're not." He was then slapped in the face by a soapy cloth.

Ike decided to bring the conversation back to topic. "Anyway," he said while Marth wiped soap off his face, "I think Marth doing the talking is a great idea. We just need to figure out what exactly he's going to say."

Link smiled. "I know just the person to help us with that."


	8. Presidents, Speeches, and Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The resolution to the Curfew Arc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really shows who my favourite character is. (As if it wasn't already obvious I favour Link, Marth, and Ike...)

"Will this do?"

"It's perfect. Thanks!"

* * *

"So, what do you think Marth?"

"This…is brilliant. Who knew she could write this well?"

"Not me, that's for sure," Link said while laughing. "Zelda really has a gift. No wonder she's the princess of Hyrule!"

Marth folded the speech in half twice, and then tucked it into his coat pocket. "I suppose I should be off, then," he shrugged. "There's no reason to drag this out anymore now that I know what to say."

Link walked with his friend to the front doors. Outside, it was cool, but the sun was shining away vigilantly. The portal near the door glowed when they neared it. Marth suddenly became very nervous.

"You'll nail it," Link reassured him while giving him a push toward the portal. He ended up catching Marth off-balance, so the prince practically fell face-first into it. He was transported instantly to the office building where the president was, and he landed none too gracefully in the middle of the floor. Dusting himself off, Marth headed over to the elevator.

The entrance room where he had appeared was posh. The floor was solid black granite, and a blue velvet carpet ran from the front doors to the main desk. A bored-looking secretary sat in a chair behind it, and she barely batted an eyelash as Marth walked passed her.

When he reached the elevator and stepped inside, he was thrown back in shock. It was made entirely of glass. Standing as lightly as possible in the corner, with the railing along the side in a death grip, he pressed the button for the top floor.

The ascension was quick. The elevator dinged quietly and the doors slid open. Marth stepped into the hallway and had no trouble deciding which door to go through: there was only one, down at the end of the hall. He approached it, but didn't open it right away. _Can I just open this?_ he thought. _What if the president is in there, having a meeting? I'd feel like such an idiot…oh well. I don't really have a choice, except to pray that I don't screw everything up…_

His prayer was answered. When he opened the door, he wasn't in the president's room, but in the antechamber where a mousey-looking secretary was sitting at a computer. Breathing a sigh of relief, Marth stepped up to her.

"Um…excuse me."

"Yes?" she said, turning around and looking at Marth as if to say _Oh great, another lousy teenager come to complain about how Brawl isn't violent enough…gimme a break!_

"May I speak with the president?" he asked as politely as possible. When she didn't respond immediately, he added, "It's important."

The secretary sighed exasperatedly. "I'll see what I can do." She stood up and went over to another door, across from the one Marth entered through. She opened it and stepped inside, leaving the Altean to feel very, very awkward. After what seemed like an hour, she came back out, sat down heavily in her chair, and said, "The president has agreed to see you."

Marth smiled with relief at her. "Thank you very much." When she nodded in response, he turned and went through the door into the president's office.

The president's office was surprisingly plain. The slate grey carpet was soft under Marth's shoes, and the desk was a simple oak one. One wall was completely taken up by a massive window, but it was covered by grey curtains. The president sat in a chair behind the desk, and on the desk sat a nameplate: Mr. L. LePhant.

When Marth looked up at Mr. L. LePhant, he did a double take. He was a very large man. His suit and tie looked rather uncomfortable; his lank brown hair was thick with product in an attempt to keep it in place, and his glasses kept sliding down his squashed nose. His cheeks were also a cherry red colour. He looked up at Marth with watery blue eyes and said, "Yes? What is it?"

The way he looked at Marth almost made the prince freeze up in fear, but then something inside him seemed to take over. He felt an overwhelming sense of power and confidence from within, and then he knew that he could do it. He took out the folded paper from inside his coat pocket, unfolded it, and began to read:

"My name is Marth Lowell, and I am here on behalf of all the residents of the Smash Mansion. Today, I would like to bring to your attention the long-term benefits of the third procedure initiated on Monday of this week: the curfew. While the curfew does maintain a firmer hold on the comings and goings of the residents, it does not, in fact, do this long term." Marth paused for effect, and thought to himself, _Wow. Zelda really knew what she was doing. I'll have to thank her later._ "For example, allow me to retell the events of Monday night. As you may have heard, the residents awoke the next morning to a colourful display of condiments on the cafeteria walls. While the exact perpetrators are not known," _by you_ , Marth thought, "it is clear that it was done by a resident. However, I would like to point out that these perpetrators had been provoked. You may not be aware of this, but in our homelands, most of us do not have curfews. Therefore, when this new thing was introduced, it was only natural that some had decided to revolt. It could not have been avoided.

"Furthermore, the curfew will not become more effective with time. As days go on, more and more residents will refuse to comply with the procedure. Of course, not every time will damage be inflicted on the property, but nevertheless, the curfew will be disobeyed. As for the punishments, I believe that we are already punished on our own." When the president looked confused, Marth put down the paper and said, "Let me explain. When one stays up late and gets up early, one experiences a host of unpleasant things: headache, sore eyes, exhaustion, short tempter, et cetera." Then he smiled. "You must have experienced these yourself at some point, sir."

The president chuckled. "Indeed I have, Mr. Lowell."

Marth grinned inwardly at being addressed as Mr. Lowell. "Well, now that I have told you the disadvantages to the curfew," he spoke while picking up the paper, "I would like to offer you a solution. It is just a simple readjustment: get rid of the curfew, and take the punishment of being sent home and apply it to a different rule: if any damage is inflicted on the property, that resident will be sent home for an indefinite amount of time." Marth watched the president's face carefully for any change of expression. He could have sworn he saw his head tilt slightly to the side, as if listening more closely. "I and my fellow residents believe that if the curfew procedure would change to my suggested one, it would go over in a much better fashion and residents would be less likely to disobey it." Marth shuffled his papers, folded them back up, and placed them in his coat pocket. "With that, I thank you for taking the time to listen to me, and I sincerely hope you will consider my suggestion," he finished.

He waited an incredibly long time while Mr. LePhant sat in silence, finger tapping his chin. Then, "I give you permission to leave now, Mr. Lowell." Marth nodded toward him, and sighed silently in relief as he walked out the door into the antechamber. The last thing he heard as he stepped out into the hall was, "Secretary, I need you to type something up for me..."

* * *

When Marth arrived back at the Smash Mansion, he found Link, Ike, and Zelda waiting anxiously to see how it had gone. He had barely stepped out of the portal when Link assaulted him with questions.

"How'd it go? Did he like it? Was he scary? Is he going to get rid of the curfew now? Well?" The excited elfish Hylian fired out.

Ike smacked the blond boy across the head. "Calm down already, he just got back." Link shot the warrior a dirty look, but remained quiet.

Marth looked at all of them and said, "It went well. Zelda, you are an amazing writer." The princess blushed at his praise. Link shot the azure-haired Altean his second dirty look of the day. Marth ignored it. "Anyway, I think the president...er, Mr. LePhant, is really going to consider our appeal!" His little audience cheered at this. "We won't know the outcome for awhile, though," he said, a little sadly, "tomorrow at the earliest."

Everyone sighed, but there was nothing they could do. The foursome went back inside the Mansion.

* * *

The next day, Ike was awoken in not the most pleasing way. There was an extremely annoying knocking sound at his door, which was getting louder and more annoying by the second. Groaning, he swung out of bed and staggered over to the door, rubbing his sleep-deprived eyes.

"Ike! Ike! Ike! It worked! It worked! Come see the bulletin board!" Marth and Link cried in unison the second Ike opened the door. "Now!" When Ike didn't react instantly, they each grabbed one of his hands and dragged him out the door.

The bulletin board was surrounded by a little crowd, all eagerly clawing at the people in front so those that were behind could get a good look. Lucky for Ike, he could just loom over everyone's head. He read the bright yellow notice tacked up over the white one from earlier that week.

_Residents of the Smash Mansion_

_After careful reconsideration of the procedures put in place on Monday of this last week, it has been decided that all three are now void. The curfew will no longer be enforced, and new janitors have been hired that will repair the wall of the recreation room._

_Regards,_

_The President_

When he finished reading, Ike was grinning like a madman. He turned around and went to high-five Marth. Unfortunately, the prince wasn't ready and got smacked in the face, causing Link to erupt into hysterics.

"Hahaha!" he laughed, "he just high-fived your face!" He then fell over and rolled around on the floor, unable to breathe.

Meanwhile, aside from being high-fived in the face, Marth was very pleased with himself. He was thrilled that his appeal had gone over so well. Overall, he was satisfied.

"Hey everybody, listen up!" Pit cried from the cafeteria doorway, "The chefs are making pancakes in honour of our victory!"

"Yes!" Ike said gleefully. "Put some aside for me, will you?"

Pit gave him a thumbs up. "Sure!" He hopped back into the kitchen to give the chefs the request, and the others all filed in to the cafeteria and sat down.

The room smelled heavenly. When all the pancakes were brought out, nearly everyone in the room was drooling. Kirby's eyes were huge and his massive mouth was open, eagerly awaiting the moment when it would be allowed to inhale every pancake in existence. Ike's expression was frighteningly similar.

"Okay," said the head chef as the last plate of pancakes was set down, "everybody eat!"

It was chaos. The fight to get a plate of pancakes was hard enough; the Battle for the Syrup ended with many sticky people, a sticky table, and a large sticky patch on the floor. Kirby, having already consumed his own serving, including the plate, was now helping himself to everyone's leftovers. Ike was also enjoying himself, his pancake slices dripping with sweet syrup.

Half an hour later, every smasher was full to the brim of fluffy pancakes and sugary syrup. One by one, they dragged themselves out and to their rooms, where they flopped down in contentment. Celebratory pancakes always tasted the best, especially if one was to ask Ike. All in all, it had been an eventful week, and all would agree that there was no better way to end it off than how they did.


	9. Love is Sure Strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you can choose love; but most of the time, it chooses you. And it's those times that are the most confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an amalgamation of two requests, one requesting an untraditional ship and the other requesting a fart bomb. Since I could invent nothing decent for the requests on their own, I put them together and came up with this.

Deep in the basement of the Smash Mansion, which can only be reached by a stairwell in the kitchen, is the large storage room. Hidden behind several large boxes of paper, old Christmas decorations and outdated technology is the door to the secret room that was built for no reason. Popular theory is that it was a mistake: the builders had had extra materials and, not wanting to waste them, built an additional room. This probably wasn't true, but whatever the real reason was, the room had no purpose, and thus was soon forgotten. Which is why Wario thought it was perfect.

Wario, having stumbled across the unknown room while searching for spare bike parts, had turned it into his own personal laboratory. Besides using it for experiments, he liked to go there to think about things because that way no one would bother him. This time, he had something rather heavy weighing on his consciousness and was at a loss about what to do about it.

After sitting for several minutes, Wario decided that fiddling with his tools might help him think. He began to sift through the piles, and he came across a set of supplies that gave him a brilliant idea. Grinning and chuckling evilly, he hefted the supplies up onto the work table and started building.

* * *

"Holy Palutena! Waffles!"

If Ike was obsessed with pancakes, then Pit was having an affair with waffles. At the moment, he had a stack of at least three on his plate, and was eyeing them hungrily when Lucario came and sat across from him.

 _Hello,_ the pokémon transmitted telepathically, _that's quite the waffle stack you have there._

"It is!" Pit replied out loud around a mouthful of waffle. "It's delicious! Where're yours?"

_I've already eaten._

"Oh."

It was silent for a while. Pit was just finishing off his last waffle when Lucario spoke again.

_Do you know what Wario is up to?_

Pit eyed him curiously. "No. Why would you ask that?"

 _I can sense his presence. He's underneath us, and is moving around a lot_.

The tone of his telepathic message made Pit feel a little concerned. "What would he be doing in the storage room?"

Lucario sighed both out loud and mentally. _How should I know? Besides, he's not even in the storage room._

Pit choked on his orange juice. "-what? But that's all that's underneath us!"

Lucario sighed again, but only loud enough for himself to hear. It seemed he would have to explain everything to this non-telepathic entity. _Deep in the storage room,_ he began, _hidden behind boxes, is a secret room. Wario is in this room, presumably building something, which leads one to assume that that room is his personal laboratory. The question is, what is he building and how does he plan to use it?_

Pit thought for a moment, tapping a finger against his temple. Then: "Maybe he's building a fart bomb."

Lucario's amber eyes closed and he chuckled, a dark, rumbling sound from deep inside him. _As plausible as that may be, I doubt it._ He reopened his eyes to look at Pit again. _Do you not recall what happened the last time Wario tried that?_

Pit laughed at the memory. "I do."

_Then why would you suggest such a thing?_

"Because I think he's stupid enough to try it again."

_True._

When the conversation ended, Ike and Marth appeared at their table.

"Lucario?" Ike said.

_Yes?_

"You should come outside," Marth motioned for Lucario to follow them. "There's, uh…someone who wants to talk to you."

If Lucario knew what Marth was talking about, he didn't let on. Instead, he stood up silently and trailed the prince out the door.

Ike turned to Pit. "You should come as well. This will be interesting."

* * *

Outside, a rather large crowd had already come together in a little clearing with Wario and his contraption in the center. Marth, Pit, and Ike went over to stand with Link and Zelda while Lucario headed over to Wario.

Pit turned to the princess. "Zelda, do you know what's going on here?"

"Unfortunately, no," she said, "but look closely at what Wario's built."

The angel did so, and what he saw made him want to run for cover. The thing Wario had built was round, about the size of a bowling ball, a greenish colour, and had a fuse coming out of the top. A fart bomb.

"What is he planning on doing with that thing?"

"I'm not sure," said Link, "but- hey! Look!"

Everyone looked. They couldn't hear what was being said, but it looked as though Lucario and Wario were conversing, and it seemed as though the latter one was…flirting. Pit's blue eyes bugged out of his head.

"Holy Palutena..."

Link's expression was a combination of disgust and the contortion that occurs when one is trying not to laugh. "Is this…er, are they…is Lucario even a girl?"

Zelda turned to him. "How should we know? You should ask Red that."

He did. Red response was: "I've no idea, and I am NOT checking." It was left at that.

Meanwhile, Wario was still trying to impress Lucario. It was not going over well. Lucario was trying to be polite, but it was becoming increasingly difficult not to back away in repulsion. Wario seemed to notice this, so he decided to use his secret weapon.

"Hey, everybody," he yelled, "pay attention!" When everyone was watching him, he continued, "It's-a time for me to unleash-a my secret weapon to win-a Lucario's heart!" He said the last part like a real lovesick Italian. When he was done, he pulled a matchbox out of his back pocket, and lit one. Sensing what was coming, many people took cover. Lucario decided that this had gone far enough, and decided it was time to tell Wario.

_Wario?_

"What?" Wario said, the hand with the lit match stopping in midair.

_I believe you're confused._

Wario laughed. "I'm-a not confused!"

_Yes, you are. I am the male of my species._

Wario stopped dead. He stared at the pokémon in disbelief. However, before he could respond, the match flame finally reached his fingers.

"OUCH!" he cried. He dropped the match instantly, and it fell right on the fuse. It began to spark and burn down quickly.

"Oh no," he said. "Everyone! Take-a cover!"

He was a second too late. The bomb exploded, unleashing a deadly wave of methane that caused many people to collapse on the ground, noses covered. Even Lucario was shuddering. Wario just stood where he was, unperturbed.

 _What's-a everyone bothered by?_ he thought. _It's-a not that bad._

Ike, who had been one of the first to take cover, was safely behind a tree out of range of the bomb. He had watched the explosion from a distance and seen everyone fall over, and Wario standing there scratching his head. He laughed to himself.

"Love is sure strange."


	10. I Choose You!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red is peeved that the other boys don't understand how difficult being a pokemon can be, so he decides to show them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favourite chapters, hands down. Had a great time writing this! A lot of it was based on the frustration and confusion I experienced while playing LeafGreen for the first time, and my pokemon master friend tried to teach me as best she could but I just couldn't quite get my mind around it yet XD

"It's so unfair!"

"No, not really. I mean, he can't exactly swing a sword around like we can, now, can he?"

"I suppose not. But I still don't think it's fair!"

"What are you all arguing about?"

Link and Ike were sitting cross-legged on the floor of Marth's bedroom, and Marth was stretched out on his bed, his cobalt eyes following the conversation of the other two. Red was standing in the open doorway. "I can hear you guys down the hall. What's going on?"

Marth looked at him. "They're arguing."

"Yeah, I got that much."

Link leaned to the side to be seen around Ike. "We're arguing about you."

Red suddenly felt very self-conscious. "You…are?"

Ike sighed and turned around. He pointed at Link. "He thinks it's not fair that you get to use pokémon to battle while we have to, to use his words, 'use our muscles and swing heavy weapons.'"

Red frowned at that. "Pokémon aren't all that easy either, you know."

Link burst into laughter. "Oh please! All you do is yell at them to do stuff and they do it! What could be easier?"

Marth turned and glared at the Hylian. "Don't be rude."

"No, it's okay," said Red, "he's given me an idea. You think pokémon are easy to control, right? Well, let's find out, hm?"

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Ike, Marth, Link, and Red were standing outside the Smash Mansion and in front of the portal, which was glowing. The first three were fidgeting worriedly, while the latter was smiling maliciously.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Marth squeaked. "We're not exactly allowed to be running back and forth between each other's worlds…"

"I'm not so sure, either," Ike added.

"I'm with the blueberries," Link said, stepping back to be in line with the other two, who were glaring angrily at the hero who had called them blueberries.

Red laughed at their sudden lack of courage. "It'll be fine." He pointed down at the window nearest to them. "We're covered."

Link, Ike, and Marth all peered in through the glass. Sitting in darkness, except for a tabletop lamp, in front of a laptop, was Pit. The angel smiled devilishly at them and waved.

"Pit's monitoring the security system, so if it seems like we're going to be caught, he'll notify us to come back, and erase the data," Red explained.

Marth made a face. "Who knew that little angel could be so…so… _evil_?"

Everyone laughed, but they stopped quickly when the portal glowed more brightly.

"It's ready!" Red exclaimed. "Let's go!"

One by one, they stepped through and were warped into a lab. They were greeted almost instantaneously by a rather odd and absent-minded scientist.

"Hello!" he greeted warmly; he seemed to be unperturbed by the fact that four teens had just randomly appeared in his lab. "I'm professor Oak!"

"Hello, professor," Red said.

"Red!" the professor exclaimed. "Welcome back!" He then proceeded to suffocate the trainer in a large bear hug. "How have you been?"

"Fine," choked Red. When Oak released him, he continued. "I have a favour to ask."

"Anything, my boy!"

"Okay…can you get some starter pokémon for these guys? I want to show them that it's not as easy as it seems to raise them."

Oak laughed. "No problem!" He bustled off, lab coat flying, and returned hardly a moment later with an armful of pokéballs. "Take your pick!"

Link was the first to reach out and pick one. As soon as he touched the pokéball, there was a flash, and a small orange dragon with a flame on the end of its tail appeared in front of him. Its beady black eyes fixed on him, and it smiled.

"Ooh, a Charmander!" Oak cheered. "Okay, next person!"

Ike went next. Out of his pokéball appeared a small blue turtle-like creature with a squirrel's tail. It immediately hopped up and curled into a ball on Ike's head.

The professor nodded approvingly. "Squirtle," he said.

Marth, the last to pick, tentatively took a pokéball. It opened to reveal a little yellow creature, with red cheeks and a lightning-shaped tail.

"Pikachu?" the professor exclaimed. "How did you get in there? You're not a starter!" Pikachu looked at him for a moment, then turned back to Marth. It gazed at him with black-button eyes, then leapt up and latched itself onto the side of Marth's head. "Although, it does seem to like you. Fine then, keep it!"

Marth, needless to say, was not pleased. "It's pulling my hair!" he yelled. "Get it off!"

"Pika!" the creature cried in protest. However, it did eventually let go of Marth's azure hair, and then proceeded to sit comfortably on his left shoulder.

"Well then," the professor said, "now that we all have a pokémon, it's time to start training!" He turned abruptly and walked out the door, followed by the four smashers and their new pokémon.

* * *

After a few minutes of walking, the group of five found themselves standing in an open clearing, with trees and tall grass on all sides. Professor Oak went and stood in front of everyone and proceeded to explain what they would be doing.

"Here," he said, gesturing to the area behind him, "is where you will now attempt to battle with your pokémon. You'll go against each other first." He pointed at Ike and Marth. "You two will go first, and you," he pointed to Link, "will take on the winner."

Ike and Marth, eager to try out their pokémon, ran forward into the middle of the clearing and stood fifty paces apart. Oak put himself in the middle as mediator. He raised his hand in the air and said, "Ready? Go!"

Having already been briefed on how battling works, Ike and Marth both pulled out their pokéballs and tossed them up. Marth decided to be very clichéd and cried, "Pikachu, I choose you!" when he tossed his pokéball. Both Pikachu and Squirtle landed on the ground in front of their trainers, ready to battle it out.

Oak pointed at Ike. "Your move first!"

Ike stood silently for a minute, thinking. Marth got very impatient. "Come on!" he complained. "It only knows two moves! This isn't that hard!"

Ike looked up. "Fine," he said. "Squirtle, use tackle!"

The water pokémon leapt up and tackled the little electric one to the ground. Fear gripped Marth for a moment, for he didn't want his little Pikachu to die, but the mouse pokémon hopped back up off the ground, eager to strike back. Marth wasted hardly a second in attacking.

"Pikachu, use thundershock!"

Pikachu threw its arms up in the air, and a thin bolt of lightning shot down from the sky and struck Squirtle. The attack was strong, and Squirtle collapsed on to the ground. It didn't get back up.

Professor Oak began to clap giddily. "Ooh, yes! We have a winner! Congratulations!"

Neither Marth nor Ike were paying any attention to what Oak was saying. Ike was on the ground with eyes full of worry, cradling Squirtle. Marth was absolutely beside himself, mumbling and pacing and apologizing incessantly. It took Oak an incredibly long time to figure out what was going on.

"Oh dear," he said once he had caught on, "I'm afraid I forgot to explain something to you." He took Squirtle out of Ike's reluctant arms. "Your pokémon isn't dead, he just fainted. Here," the professor gave Squirtle a gold, square-shaped thing. In a matter of seconds, Squirtle's eyes had opened, and it leapt out of the professor's arms and hugged Ike's shoulder.

Marth stopped pacing. "Yay, you brought it back to life!" he cried, running over to Oak and crushing him with princely love.

"It wasn't dead, but okay."

Link walked over and joined them. "Is it my turn now?"

"Hm?" Oak said. "Oh, right. Now, it's Pikachu versus Charmander!"

The battle was over quickly. Since Pikachu was already a bit weak from Squirtle's tackle, and Charmander attacked first, one scratch was enough to defeat the mouse pokémon. Link was very pleased with himself. Marth, however, was a bit confused.

"I don't get it. My Pikachu was strong enough to beat Ike's Squirtle in one move, but when I went up against Link's Charmander, I lost! Why?"

The professor looked up. "Type advantages, of course."

"Type what now?"

Oak sighed. "Squirtle is a water type, and Pikachu is an electric type. Electricity trumps water."

"But what about Charmander?"

"Pikachu was already weak from the tackle it took from Squirtle, so one attack from Charmander was enough to finish it off."

"Is it because fire trumps electricity?"

"No. It had everything to do with the fact that Pikachu didn't have as many health points as Charmander."

Marth felt as if his brain was disintegrating. "But…"

Red decided to take the opportunity. "What's wrong Marth? I thought pokémon weren't that complicated!"

"Oh, and I haven't told you about evolution yet!" Oak chirped. "See, when a pokémon reaches a certain level, or certain conditions are met, they change shape and evolve. Some are as simple as gaining a certain level, but others are more complex, such as obtaining Umbreon from an Eevee by making it happy at night. Additionally, some pokémon have several different evolution possibilities; Eevee, for example, can evolve into seven different forms and-"

"Stop!" Marth yelled. "Stop! Stop! Slow down! I can't take it!" He sat down on the ground and pressed his hands to either side of his head. "Could you start over?"

By this point, Link and Ike were also staring at Oak with blank looks on their faces, and Red was trying really hard not to laugh. Oak opened his mouth to restate his evolution speech, but was interrupted by the "Road to Viridian City" theme.

"That would be me," Red said, pulling out his cell phone. "Hello?"

The conversation with whoever was on the other end lasted about a minute. When Red hung up, he said, "That was Pit. He says it's dark at the Smash Mansion now. We need to go back." He turned to professor Oak. "Will you take us back to the lab now?"

"Certainly!"

* * *

The four smashers followed the professor back to the lab, and three of them felt quite tired. Red decided to see if they had learned anything.

"Well?" he said. "What do you think of pokémon?"

"They're complicated," Marth responded instantly. "All that evolution stuff has my brain spinning. I can't make heads or tails of it."

Ike patted the prince on the shoulder. "It's not that bad. It's like in Fire Emblem when we reach level 20. We class change!"

Marth's cobalt eyes turned to look at the warrior. "Yes, that much I get. It's the whole happiness thing. Those things just seem to be happy when they're hanging off of us."

Link got in on the conversation. "Your point?"

"My point is, why don't they just evolve immediately if they're happy?"

"Because," Red explained, "they need to maintain the happiness for a period of time. Also, the pokémon actually need to have an obtainable evolution form by happiness. None of yours did."

"Well how were we supposed to know that?" Marth exploded.

Red and Oak laughed. "Well," Red said, "at least you all learned something today."

"Yeah," Link said, "pokémon are not as easy as they look."

"Yes," Red agreed, "and don't you forget it!"


	11. Smash Mansion Fashion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the request of Princess Peach, the Smash Girls put on a fashion show for the boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was requested on FF.net, and it was both for a fashion show and that I follow the girls around instead of the boys (what can I say, I'm just not comfortable writing my own gender for whatever reason).
> 
> P.S.- I dare you to say the title of this chapter 10 times fast.

The mailman who delivers the mail to the Smash Mansion is at once both the luckiest and unluckiest person in the world. While that person would get to experience the novelty of delivering mail to such a place as the Smash Mansion, he or she would also have to deal with the smashers, many of whom have the tendency to get very overexcited when they receive letters from home. Of course, just like every other mailbox, the one at the Smash Mansion often becomes cluttered with flyers and magazines, and it was the arrival of one of these that offset the events of the day the theatre was finally used for something.

* * *

"I now call this meeting of the smash girls to order!"

This would have been more dramatic had all of the female brawlers actually been in the room. Zelda, Peach, and Samus were seated around the round table in one of the unused meeting rooms. Zelda was poised, ready to begin, Samus was half asleep, and Peach was holding a mushroom shaped gavel that she was hammering furiously against the table, yelling, "Order! Order!"

"Peach, sweetie," Zelda spoke, placing a hand lightly on the mushroom princess's wrist, "you can stop that now."

"Oh. Alright."

Once everything was silent again, Samus went to voice the question that had been mulling about in her sleep-deprived mind, when the door banged open.

"I would very much like to know why I was not invited to this."

Standing in the doorway, hands on her hips, was Sheik. Her red eyes blazed.

No one in the room knew how to answer her. Irritated by the others' silence, Samus said, "We forgot, now will you sit down so we can get this over with and I can go back to sleep?"

Sheik frowned, but moved forward toward the nearest chair. Grabbing the back, she spun it around on one leg before plopping onto it.

"Now," Peach continued, "let's get this underway!" She reached down to the floor. "I called you here because-"

"SORRY I'M LATE!"

A little figure in a pink parka dashed through the open door and hopped up onto the chair next to Sheik's. Everyone's head turned to look at Nana, who was breathing heavily after running the whole way there.

"Sorry," she said again. "I was helping Popo fix his hammer. All that's left is putting it away, but he insisted he could do that on his own."

"That's alright," Zelda smiled. "You're here now." She turned to Peach. "We're all here now, you can begin."

Peach grinned widely. "You'll never guess what I got in the mail today!"

"What?" Samus asked, voice devoid of any sort of caring.

"This!" the mushroom princess squealed, producing a thick magazine held daintily between her gloved fingers.

"And that would be…?"

Peach's jaw dropped. "It's a fashion magazine, Samus! Don't tell me you've never seen one before?"

Samus shrugged and began to study her nails. "I have. Not interested in them."

Peach's glossy pink lips parted to fire something back, but Zelda interrupted. "Sweetie, why don't you put the magazine down and tell us what you have planned for today?"

"Okay!"

The magazine shook the whole table when it thudded down in front of Peach. From where Sheik was seated next to Zelda, she could see the tanned model on the front cover. The model was wearing a long, ballroom gown, but instead of a full skirt, all the material from the knees down was shredded to give it a more modern and goth look. Black fishnet gloves and hair piled high completed the look.

"I don't understand," Nana said. "Why would they ruin such a pretty dress by ripping it apart?"

Sheik turned to the little girl. "It's fashion," she explained. Nana still looked confused, so Sheik continued, "They all seem to have the idea that being different and being loud is good."

"Another possibility is that the world is being taken over by pinheads."

"Thank you, Samus," Zelda said pointedly, "now can we all be quiet and let Peach explain?" For emphasis, she gestured to the mushroom princess, who's right hand was once again holding the gavel and looked ready to start hammering something. The silence that followed was instantaneous.

Peach calmed down and smiled. "I was thinking," she began, "that we would all pick our favourite outfit from this magazine and model them in front of all the boys!"

All the girls nodded their approval, including Samus; she liked the idea of getting to pick her own outfit, rather than letting Peach make all the decisions.

"Alright," Peach said, "let's all get to choosing!" She pulled out a thick pack of sticky notes. "Write your name, your dress size, and your favourite colour on one of these, and stick it to the page with the dress you want on it."

Every girl did as she was told, and after twenty minutes of page flipping, book sharing, and a heated argument or two over who would get which dress, five sticky notes protruded from the magazine held once again in Peach's hands.

"I'll send in all our orders," the mushroom princess said. "When they arrive, I'll call another meeting of the smash girls, and we'll all get ready to show off!"

* * *

Four days later, the meeting was called. Samus, Zelda, Nana, and Sheik were all in the meeting room on time, Nana just dashing in right before Peach arrived with an armful of large paper-wrapped packages.

"Okay, I'm going to distribute these," Peach placed the packages on the table and pulled out a sheet of paper. She ran her finger along it and stopped about halfway down the page. Muttering, she turned around and picked up the first package. "This one's for Nana!"

Nana gleefully took the package and ran out the door, eager to get to where they were holding their fashion show so she could put it on.

By the time the little ice climber was out the door, Peach had identified the next two packages. "Zelda and Samus!"

The princess and the bounty hunter followed in Nana's footsteps, and the final two packages were distributed.

"This one here is mine," Peach pointed to the package nearest to her, "so this one," she grabbed the other one, "is yours!" She presented it to Sheik. Sheik nodded her thanks, and Peach smiled.

"Let's go get changed and get this show on the road!"

* * *

"Oooh, this is so exciting!"

Peach parted the curtains of the stage just wide enough for one sky blue eye to see through. Seated in the theatre chairs were all the boys she had invited: Link, who looked bored; Marth, who was trying to look engaged; Ike, who seemed anxious; Popo, who looked excited; Mario, who was continuously checking his nonexistent watch, and Pit, who seemed to have spotted something he found funny and was snickering.

Peach whirled away from the curtains to face the four other girls. "Okay, let's figure out the order we'll go on in." She began to instruct them. "I'll go first, obviously." She placed herself right in front of the curtain. "Samus, you come behind me, and Zelda'll be next." The two girls moved into position as Peach continued directing. "Nana, you're fourth, and Sheik will be last."

"Oh, yay," Sheik remarked as she moved into the line, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I thought you didn't want to be here," Nana said good-naturedly, turning around.

Sheik rolled her red eyes. "I don't, so the least the stuck-up mushroom chick could do is not have me be last so I could leave sooner."

Nana shrugged and gave a small smile, then turned around. Peach had produced a microphone and was speaking into it; her voice could be heard all through the theatre.

"Welcome, everyone," she began, voice almost superficially perky, "to the first annual smash girls fashion show!" She paused for applause, and aside from a few claps, was not satisfied. She continued on anyway. "Get ready to be amazed!" She put down the microphone, and clapped her hands. Catchy pop music started to play and Peach stepped out of the curtains and onto the stage.

From where Marth was seated in the crowd, the second the curtains opened and the stage lights blazed on, all there seemed to be was some sort of sparkling and shimmering creature standing up before them. He and the others beside him all threw up their arms in an effort to shield their eyes. When the shimmering thing moved out of the lights, they could finally see just what it was, and were stunned.

Peach stood at the front of the stage, in all her mushroom-y glory. Her blond hair was curled in perfect ringlets, her makeup just right. Her dress was a deep green sleeveless that reached all the way to the floor, with a faceted emerald belt and white lace trim. She wore her standard white gloves, but these had green lace on them.

All the boys were in awe, but Mario's eyes nearly popped out of his head. He stood up on his chair and clapped loudly, cheering in Italian. Peach had no idea what he was saying, but reasoned it was a compliment, so she smiled at him and waggled her fingers. Then, she glided off stage and made room for Samus.

Samus didn't want to go on that stage any more than Sheik did, but unlike the latter, Samus enjoyed toying with the men. She strutted on to the stage with absolute confidence and did her best to look like she owned it, and if Marth's opinion was anything to go by, she did that extremely well.

Her hair was worn long, and while it drove her crazy, she knew it looked good. Her makeup was all neutral tones. The dress she wore was black velvet, with short sleeves accented with black gems. The whole ensemble came to just above her knees, and on her feet she wore tall black boots. It is safe to assume that Marth was not the only one who was head over heels in that moment.

After being subjected to much applause, Samus had had enough and left the stage to be replaced by Zelda. The princess came on with a quiet aura of grace, in a modest dress that perfectly suited her personality. Her brown hair was curled up in a lovely fashion, and her burgundy dress, which reached to the floor, was held up by braided straps. The back was open and laced up. Needless to say, Link was thrilled and applauded loudly, making sure Zelda saw him there and waved at her when she did.

Once Zelda had left the stage, Nana skipped on. Her mousey brown hair was in two low ponytails, and her dress was all pink ruffles. Her shoes were cute little pink flats, and her smile reached from ear to ear.

"Nana!" Popo called out from the audience. "Nana! Over here!"

Nana looked over. "Popo!"

"You look perfect!"

Nana blushed the same shade as her dress in response to the praise from her brother. She waved at him, and at the rest of the little audience, before skipping off gleefully.

Sheik was the last to take the stage. She was hoping to get on there, stand for a moment or two, and then get off, but the gasp of awe followed by cheering and applause made her stand for a moment longer, smiling slightly.

Ike was the most awed. He couldn't get over how beautiful Sheik looked in her white heels, her white strapless dress that came down to her ankles, and the white flower that sat ever so elegantly in her long, dirty blond hair. Of course, Sheik's outfit would not be complete if not for the huge black and white floral patterned scarf around her neck.

After Sheik left the stage, the lights went out and Peach came back on the microphone. "Thank you for coming. You all have permission to leave now."

"One question," Link yelled out. "How are we supposed to leave if we can't see anything?"

There was silence for nearly half a minute. "Oh. One moment." A large amount of shuffling could be heard, and then the lights came back on. The boys filed out, each one lost in their own thoughts. Except Pit. He was still snickering about something, and no one knew what. They decided he was crazy and left it at that.

* * *

Backstage, there was a lot of jumping up and down, squealing, and giggling.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Peach shrieked. "They loved us! They loved us!"

"It seems they did," Samus added, trying and failing to sit gracefully on one of the chairs. She eventually gave up and just plopped down on it.

"And you got some special attention from your brother, huh, sweetie?" Zelda said to Nana, ruffling the top of the smaller girl's head. Nana just blushed again.

"Well, now that that's over, I'm out," Sheik said bluntly, pulling the flower out of her hair and kicking off her heels. "I'm keeping this scarf, though."

Everyone laughed. "Fine by me," Peach smiled. "One more thing before you go."

"What?" Sheik turned around.

"If we have another one of these, will you participate again?"

Sheik thought for a moment, then smiled a little before answering, "Only if Ike comes and watches."

Peach smiled knowingly. "Of course."

Sheik smiled a little wider, then turned and walked out the door.


	12. Meta Knight, Masks, and Socks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's up with Meta Knight: he's missing brawls, and hasn't been seen by anyone. Can Link, Marth, and Ike figure out what's up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was another chapter requested on FF.net.

"Welcome, one and all, to our final brawl of the day!"

The brawl stadium was full to the brim with excited fans. Below, the stage was set up as the Bridge of Eldin, and up in the announcer box sat a boy-Aaron-whose captivating voice contrasted sharply with his small physique. When he spoke, the crowd cheered with anticipation.

Below, where the brawlers waited to be warped up onto the stage, Link stood on his warp pad in complete darkness, staring at the spot where his feet should be and waiting for the area around them to glow. Across from him, he assumed Meta Knight was waiting in a similar fashion. He momentarily considered calling out to him, but before he could make the decision he was startled by the pad under his feet lighting up gold. He was instantly warped up and mentally flinched when the screams of the crowd hammered his ears after the silence of the holding room. He just caught the last bit of his introduction: "-favourite Hylian, Link!"

The crowd erupted even louder. Link grasped the cool purple hilt of the Master Sword in his hand and unsheathed it. He then swung it around, and the crowd continued to deafen the nation.

Once the crowd had quieted somewhat, Aaron continued with the next introduction. "And now, his formidable opponent, the masked marauder Meta Knight!"

The crowd exploded once more, and the spot where Meta Knight was to appear lit up blue. As the glow increased a little, Link's fingers began to tingle in anticipation, and in the span of a second, the glow intensified and went out.

Meta Knight wasn't there.

The crowd that hadn't been silent since its formation was like a morgue for about three seconds before the anxious whispers set in. Link, in the centre of the Bridge of Eldin stage, was very confused and felt incredibly awkward, so he was terribly relieved when Aaron spoke.

"Well, that was rather unexpected, now, wasn't it? Since the opponent has not presented himself, the match is defaulted to Link. Congratulations!"

The crowd applauded absent-mindedly, even throwing in a weak "Hooray!" Link waved half-heartedly before dashing off stage, eager to get out of the situation.

* * *

"You must be happy you won, right?"

Under normal circumstances, Link would have been disturbed by the fact that Marth was leaning on the wall right next to the shower curtain behind which he was rinsing off, but today his brain was too preoccupied to take notice.

"Not really. Don't get me wrong," he continued before Marth could interrupt, "I wanted to win, just not like that. I'm even considering asking for a rematch..."

"I see. Wonder what's up with Meta Knight…?"

The tap squeaked loudly as Link twisted it, cutting off the flow of water. Just as the last drop of water fell, the curtain was flung back and the Hero of Time stepped out, sporting a towel around his waist and another draped over his shoulders. His blue eyes lit up maliciously when he said, "That's what you and I are going to find out."

As Marth watched the Hylian strut confidently away, he sighed, smiling and shaking his head knowingly. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this…?"

* * *

Exactly twenty minutes later, Ike, Link, and Marth stood outside of Meta Knight's closed bedroom door. Link had several odd items in his hands, including a metal detector and a stethoscope, Marth was leaning coolly against the wall, and Ike looked uneasy.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" the warrior squeaked. "I mean, I've seen Meta Knight angry before, and it's not pretty, and I'm afraid that if we open that door he just might-"

"Relax!" Link chided. "It'll be fine! Watch." He knocked on the door.

The three outside waited with bated breath for something to happen. The only thing that did was the spider in the corner at the end of the hall crawled across its web.

Link frowned, clearly displeased that his plan didn't work. He raised his hand to knock again, but was interrupted by a newcomer.

"What's going on here?"

"Zelda!" Marth smiled. When Link glared at him, he retaliated by sticking out his tongue. The Altean then turned back to Zelda and explained, gesturing toward Link, "He's trying to figure out what's going on with Meta Knight."

Zelda studied Marth's face for a moment, and then smiled softly. "Oh, I see. Well, good luck with that, then," and she left.

"Thanks," Link said absently while fiddling with the door handle and a bobby pin.

"She was talking to me, elf."

"You wish," Link scoffed, "and don't call me elf."

"Whatever."

After several more minutes of doorknob jiggling and bobby pin stabbing, Link heard the sound he had been waiting for: a sharp click.

"Hah!" he laughed. "Got it!" He turned the handle. "Here we go…"

Link pushed the door back. He looked into the room, followed by Marth and Ike who looked over his shoulder and head, respectively. All three pairs of eyes were bright with excitement at what they would find inside.

The room was pitch black.

"Oh look, he's not here, let's go," Ike mumbled quickly, turning around and attempting to drag the other two by their collars.

"Ike, enough of this!" Marth cried. "It's all going to work out fine!"

Ike immediately released Marth and Link; while the latter dashed back into Meta Knight's room, the other gave Ike a look and then followed suite. Ike, knowing what was coming and not wanting to be around when it did, left.

* * *

Meta Knight's room was one of those little anomalies; the room was actually much bigger on the inside than it seemed from the outside. This is why Link was having difficulty locating and conversing with Meta Knight.

"Meta Knight! Where are you? How am I supposed to talk to you if you won't come out?"

"I am not showing myself," Meta Knight's deep and gravelly voice emanated from the dark depths of his room, "and that is that."

Link sighed audibly. "Fine. Have it your way. Now, tell me why you didn't show up at our brawl today."

"And why, pray tell, should I do that?"

"Because," Link began confidently, "I…er-…well…ah…erm…" Over in the doorway, Marth snickered at Link's stuttering. That's when Link lost it. "Oh, for crying out loud, just tell me already!"

Meta Knight spoke from the darkness again. "As you wish. I did not present myself today, for I am missing a rather important piece of my costume."

"You know they have spare capes in the locker room, right?"

"Idiot! Let me finish. I am missing my mask."

"Oh." Link scratched his head. "Well, I suppose that's a good reason for missing."

"What are you going to do from now on, though?" Marth piped up, still in the doorway. "You can't keep missing brawls like this. You'll have to find your mask sometime or other." He grinned, as if he had a great idea. "Why don't you let us help you look?"

"Sounds fine. Start searching people's rooms. I've already thoroughly checked my own, and I am certain the mask was stolen."

"Will do!" Link cheered, throwing Meta Knight a thumbs up as he bounced out the door. Out in the hall, he turned to Marth. "So, where should we check first?"

"Hmm," Marth thought, "let's check our rooms first. So we can rule ourselves out as suspects," he explained when Link went to protest. "We'll start with yours, elf-boy."

"NOT AN ELF!"

* * *

"Link, you really need to clean your room."

"Oh, like YOU'RE one to talk!"

Sifting through Link's room to see if Meta Knight's mask was there was proving to be rather difficult, considering the piles of clothing, sheets of paper, and empty video game cases that littered the floor. Marth already had a black and blue splotch forming on his right forearm after slipping on a random t-shirt and whacking it against the dresser.

"I'm pretty sure it's not in here, Marth." Link's muffled voice came from underneath his bed.

"How can you tell?" Marth pulled a face at the yellow shirt he had fished off a chair that had a ketchup stain on it. "Ugh, don't you ever clean this place?"

"It WAS clean, but then yesterday I was having my lazy day and-"

"Yes, yes, that's nice, now will you get out from under there and check your dresser drawers so we can get out of here?'

Link pushed back out from under the bed. "Calm down," he said, "what's got you all excited?"

Marth quickly regained his composure. "Nothing. Check your drawers."

"Fine."

Link walked over to his dresser and pulled out the first drawer. "There're just socks in here."

"You should check under them. There are some very crafty people in this mansion."

Link was getting suspicious, but he peeked between the pairs of socks anyway.

There, in all its pristine glory, and with a folded note on top, was Meta Knight's mask.

"How the _hell_ …?"

"Read the note."

Link picked up the note and unfolded it, all while watching Marth out of the corner of his eye for suspicious behaviour. He then glanced back to the note and read it. On the paper, in perfect script written with cobalt ink, were the words _Gotcha, elf-boy. Oh, by the way, Meta Knight's going to kill you now._

Link slowly lifted his head toward Marth, eyes glinting dangerously. Marth just met his gaze, smiling hugely.

"Gotcha."

"YOU IDIOT PRINCE!"

* * *

In the hallway outside the cafeteria, Samus and Zelda stood watching the Altean prince and the Hero of Time chase each other around, the latter trying to kill the other, and the other laughing hysterically.

"So everyone knew about it but him?" Samus asked Zelda about Link.

"Yes," Zelda replied. "It was quite well done."

Samus tapped one finger against the side of her head. "So let me get this straight: Meta Knight agreed to let Marth hide his mask, all in an attempt to get back at Link for doing what?"

Zelda tried not to laugh when she said, "Changing all of Marth's ringtones to songs by Justin Bieber."

Samus clapped a hand against her mouth. "Oh my gosh, that's hilarious! Marth hates Justin Bieber!"

Zelda couldn't resist the urge to laugh a little as well. "Oh look, here comes Meta Knight, about to join the fun."

Sure enough, standing at the end of the hall, was Meta Knight, mask and all.

"Time to die, elf-boy," he said just before charging into the middle of the fray. Marth jumped back out of the way. When Link saw what was coming, he shrieked and bolted down the other hall.

"I'll get you mask stealer, and your little elf hat too!" Meta Knight yelled, flying down the same hall. He left Marth, Samus, and Zelda behind, laughing and leaning on each other for support. Marth finally caught his breath enough to say something.

"Link got the rematch he wanted, but I don't think he's getting his victory."


	13. At World's End?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Link and Marth debate the end of the world, Zelda just wants to watch her movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by my complete frustration with the hullabaloo about the end of the world in 2012. I was a huge skeptic and felt the need to express my annoyance through writing.

"Don't you just love this movie, Link?"

"Of course I do, why else would I watch it?"

Link knew very well that what he said to Zelda was an outright lie: he did not like _Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End_. He didn't quite know why; all he knew was that something in that film irritated him to the point where he wanted to throw the remote at the TV. Maybe it was the fact this was the third time in three days he was watching it. The Hylian didn't seem to have the patience to do the same thing more than once in a certain period of time, unless he really found it enjoyable. Watching this movie was not one of those things.

Something else that was contributing to his mounting annoyance was the fact that Marth had planted himself in a chair next to the bed on which Link and Zelda were lying and was making it rather difficult for Link to put the moves on the princess beside him. He had succeeded in putting his arm around her, but anything beyond that was just too awkward with that prince in the room. Link sighed. _At least the movie's almost over. Then Marth can get out of Zelda's room and I can FINALLY have some alone time with her._

Link was so busy thinking about what he would do once Marth left that he hardly noticed Zelda snuggling up to him. "Did you hear that the world is going to end in December?"

As Link nodded in reply, Marth groaned. "Here we go again with the whole 'end of the world.'"

"What are you talking about?" Link asked, annoyed that the Altean just couldn't have continued to be a silent wallflower.

"The world isn't going to end."

"How can you be so sure?" Zelda questioned good-naturedly. "I mean, what about the Mayan calendar, and Nibiru or Planet X, and super volcanoes and all of that?"

Marth scoffed. "Good grief, where do you guys _get_ this stuff? I mean, really…you guys are all insane."

"I don't know," Link mused. "It really seems like this is actually going to happen..."

And then, before the other two even knew what they had started, Marth was off like a firecracker and there was no stopping him now. "Oh, for the love of…the world," he bellowed, "is NOT going to END! It can't end on December 21, and you know why? Because when it's the 21st here, it'll already be the 22nd on the other side of the world! What, you all think half the world is going to die one day, and the other half the next?" He hardly paused long enough for Link to make a strangled noise in an attempt to stop the barrage. Zelda, however, managed to get a couple words in: "All right then, let's just go back to watching the movie-"

"Not done yet," Marth quipped, throwing up a finger. "Did you know Sir Isaac Newton tried to predict when the world would end? He spent years trying to do it! And do you know when he guessed it would be?" He paused for effect. "1948. PLUS, the only things on this planet that pay attention to dates and times are humans. HUMANS. Asteroids don't care whether it's December or July, nor do volcanoes care whether it's Monday or Thursday. They happen when they happen, and no amount of studying ancient texts-and by the way, how the heck are the ancients supposed to know what's going to happen thousands of years after their time?-is going to tell us when." With that, he plopped down into his chair.

Just as Link breathed a sigh of relief, Marth piped up again. "Oh, and do you remember May of last year? Everyone thought the world was going to end then, too. Don't forget about Y2K, either. Every time so far in history that we've tried to predict the end of the world, we've been wrong. In my opinion, that's not very good odds for getting one right. Humans are idiots. We can guess all we want, but we're never going to get it." Without warning, he got up out of his chair, marched over to the door, and went out, slamming the door back shut.

"He's a nut!" Link exclaimed the second he heard Marth's footsteps receding down the hall.

"Yes, but the nut has a point, dear," Zelda said softly, patting Link's shoulder. "Give the crazy boy some credit."

"Fine," Link huffed, "but we'll see who's right come December."

Zelda didn't tell Link who she thought would be right. She didn't think he'd like her answer.


	14. Assist Trophy Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The assist trophies have broken free, and are storming through the mansion! Can Link, Marth, and Ike stop them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was requested on FF.net and is another one of my favourite chapters. Note that Resetti's speech is one of the actual speeches he makes in the game, with the exception of a few words and phrases changed to fit context. Also, Marth is on to something when he thinks something's up with Kat and Ana's names.

Off in the cafeteria, in one of the rooms filled with plush chairs and sofas, Link, Ike, and Marth each sat in one of the aforementioned chairs with their swords across their laps, arguing.

"My sword's the best," Link said, "because I can use it to counter evil twilight magic!"

"Oh yeah?" Ike countered. "I defeated the Black Knight with this sword! At least he's something substantial."

"You're both wrong," Marth said calmly, balancing Falchion by the hilt on the palm of his hand, "my sword's the best. It's aerodynamically built, perfectly streamlined-"

"I'll bet it's also a real hit with the ladies," Link snickered. He flinched when the pillow that used to be behind Marth hit him square in the face.

"You're sick, Link."

"Yeah, well, you're a crazy blueberry."

"I am not crazy. I have a temper, and you touched a nerve. I blame you for the outburst last night."

The Hylian just laughed. "Anyway, Ike, what say you on the subject of Marth's sword?"

Ike, being unaware of this outburst Marth spoke of, was somewhat pleased to be back on the previous subject. "I think the topic is inappropriate, and I would just like to point out that my sword is clearly longer than yours, therefore it is superior."

Marth groaned. "Could you two stop with the jokes please?"

"It wasn't a joke. Look," Ike snatched Falchion out of Marth's hand and held it up against Ragnell. "See? Mine's clearly a foot longer."

"Just what are you boys talking about in here?"

Link jumped in his chair when he heard Zelda's voice come from behind him. "N-nothing Zelda!"

"We're comparing swords," Marth explained.

Zelda raised an eyebrow. "I should hope that you mean that phrase literally."

"I do, but don't be too sure about that one," Marth said dryly, pointing at Link, who laughed sheepishly.

"You boys," Zelda instructed, "should put your swords away before someone who doesn't want to see them walks in here." Then she left.

"We should probably do as she says," Ike said while handing back Falchion. "Knowing our luck, just such a person will be the next to walk in here."

The other two boys agreed, and the trio walked through the cafeteria and in to the hall. They got halfway to the weapons room when something stopped them in their tracks.

Pit was half-flying, half-running down the hall at top speed. When he saw the three boys, he leapt into the air and latched himself onto Ike in a fashion reminiscent of Max the dog from _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_.

"It's after me! It's after me!" Pit yelled into Ike's shoulder.

"What's after you?" Marth asked, concerned.

Pit's response was only a whimper, but it didn't need to be anything more because "it" turned the corner and began to float down the hall. "It" was a metroid, and a very angry one at that. It twitched and buzzed down the hall, quickly closing the gap between it and its prey.

Ike thought quickly. "On three," he said, hoping the other two would catch on to his plan. "…two, three!" He lifted up Ragnell, and threw it straight at the metroid.

A second later, a squelching sound followed by a dull thud, and then two more thuds, made themselves heard in the hall. Pit cautiously lifted his head from Ike's shoulder and opened his eyes. There, pinned against the wall by three swords, was the metroid that had tried to attack him. Ragnell was lodged in the upper gelatinous part of the creature, holding it against the wall; the Master Sword had splintered a pincer, but it was Falchion that had landed the greatest hit. Its thin metal blade was buried up to the hilt in one of the creature's three brains. It was because of this that the thing was now twitching and buzzing even more violently.

"Are you okay?" Ike asked Pit. The angel nodded, even though he was shaking. He hopped down and managed to stand on the ground solidly.

"Hey!" a voice yelled. A blue and black blur blasted down the hall and screeched to a stop next to Marth. "Whoa, I can't believe they took that thing out! Can you, Shadow?"

"Nope."

Marth looked down. Beside him were Sonic and Shadow, inventing some sort of out-of-this-world story as to how the metroid ended up pinned against the wall.

"Oh wait, this reminds me," Sonic turned to Marth. "You should go check out the stadium. Extreme stuff going on there." He then whooped, and sped off down the hall, Shadow close behind.

Having nothing better to do now that the metroid was incapacitated, the boys went to the stadium.

* * *

"Holy mother of Palutena…"

Pit's reaction was not an understatement. The entire brawl stage was covered in pokémon that were leaping and chirping about. Marth spotted Red up there as well, scampering about trying to keep all the creatures under control. His hat had fallen off, but Marth quickly spotted it on top of a Chikorita that was locked in combat with Munchlax. Just as Munchlax was about to finish Chikorita off, Red ran over and scooped up Chikorita, causing Munchlax to miss entirely and fall on its face.

"We should go help him," Ike suggested.

"Red or the Munchlax?"

"Red, obviously," Ike smacked Link across the head.

So Marth, Ike, Pit, and Link went through the boys' change room and exited by a secret door Pit had found that led right onto the stage. When Red saw the four emerging, he was delighted. "Are you guys here to help?"

"Totally!" Pit cheered.

"Sweet, then you'll need these." Red tossed a couple of bags at the boys. Upon opening them, they discovered dozens of pokéballs. "Throw those at the pokémon," Red instructed. "They will capture them, and then we can put them in the storage room."

The boys all got really into throwing the balls at the little creatures, so they were all captured in no time flat. The only one that had given them any trouble was Kyogre, because it had discovered that shooting flumes of water at Link was rather fun. The now sopping Hylian was not pleased.

"Why were all the pokémon swarming the stage?" Marth asked as they gathered up all the pokéballs back into the bags.

"I don't know," Red replied, "but I think it has to do with the fact that the assist trophies are all running rampant."

"We know all about that," Ike said. "This one here," he pointed at Pit, "almost got his brain eaten by a metroid."

Red's brown eyes bugged out of his head and he began to fuss over Pit. The angel gently pushed the trainer away, saying that the metroid never actually touched him; it just chased him around a bit.

"Well, if you say so," Red smiled, though still unconvinced of Pit's being okay. "You know what, though? After all that running around trying to catch pokémon, I'm pretty hungry."

Link puffed himself up like a big important leader. "Then I decree that we go to the kitchen and get ourselves a snack!"

* * *

"We should really tell someone about the assist trophies running rampant."

Everyone agreed with Red, including Link, who was forced to duck as a pink-haired blur holding a sword flew over his head. "Hey!" the blur yelled out when it passed over him. "Watch it, will you?'

"The chefs will be happy," Ike said to no one in particular, blue eyes darting around as he tried to watch both blurs at once as they sailed around the room, "Kat and Ana are chopping up all the food and I hear we're having stew tonight."

As Marth observed the quickly growing and, oddly enough, organized stacks of chopped vegetables, he realized something. "Hey, Ike, don't you think something's odd about Kat and Ana's names?"

"Hm?" Ike turned away from the speeding twins to look at Marth. "No, why do you ask?"

Marth sighed. "Oh, no reason." He then began to mumble to himself. "Kat…Ana…Kat…Ana…something's definitely up with those names."

Red hungrily eyed the cubes of carrot, and watched very carefully for the first opportunity he could reach out and grab one. When it seemed safe, his hand shot out, but he yanked it right back again when he discovered his way blocked by the sword belonging to the orange haired twin-Ana. They stared at each other for a minute, and then Ana flew off again to help her sister chop more things. Red, feeling somewhat disturbed, retreated back beside Link.

The boys continued to watch the girls zip around and chop things up until they heard a whole lot of yelling coming from the cafeteria. Marth, being the closest to the door, stuck his head out of the kitchen door to see what was going on in there.

"GRAARR! I TOLD YOU! NO RESETTIN'! WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Sticking out in the middle of the cafeteria floor was Mr. Resetti, in all his moleish glory, yelling at the nintendog that Marth recognized as the same one that would hop up on to the stage, get in the way, and just be so annoying that Marth wanted to thrust Falchion right through its head.

"Ooh..." Mr. Resetti moaned, holding his head. "World's gettin' dark...gotta stop spinnin'...whew. All that yellin' got me dizzy. Ain't enough air around here. Throat hurts, too!" He then noticed Marth staring at him from the kitchen doorway, and began to yell at him. "So whaddya want? Huh? You called me, didn't ya?"

"No," Marth said, shaking his head. "Why aren't you with the other assist trophies in the storage room?"

"Yeah, I know, it's my job," the mole continued as if Marth had never spoken, "so there's no point in gettin' my whiskers twisted, but...when the sirens go off in HQ, I gotta start diggin'. It don't matter what I'm doin', I gotta drop it an' go. I'm eatin' dinner? Plate's on the floor, fork's in the ceilin'. In the tub? Wet mole. Don't believe me?" he asked rhetorically. "Feel my fur! Go on, touch it! TOUCH IT!" Marth shook his head violently, waving his arms in protest. He did not want to touch a wet mole.

"None of you punks can see it," Mr. Resetti babbled, "but all I'm wearin' downstairs is a towel! I got dirt clods in places they don't belong, understand?"

Ignoring the image now in his head, Marth asked the mole again, "Why are all the assist trophies running around the mansion instead of being in the storage room where they're supposed to be?"

"And another thing..." Mr. Resetti began angrily, "what's the big idea treatin' me like an item, huh? If I could move around on my own? Join those there brawls? Oooh, look out!" Mr. Resetti began to wildly swing his paws around. "I would tear that place right UP! Mole elbow over here! BAM! Dirt nap there! SLAM! You'd be runnin' home to Mama!" Then Mr. Resetti got angry again and began to rant some more. "Grr! What a rip-off! Where's it written that moles gotta stay underground? HUH?"

"Well-" Marth attempted.

"Aw...forget it. Bein' a burrowin' mammal ain't ALL bad, ya know? I got dirt and worms...an'...dirt...well, I get to tell YOU what's what, right? Set you straight...That's good enough for me...you bet it is...sniff..."

"Oh, please don't cry, it's okay," Marth consoled.

"I ain't cryin', I got dirt in my eye, you hear what I'm sayin'? RESETTI DON'T CRY!" Marth flinched when the mole yelled. "Listen, punk, bein' able to hop and jump all over the place ain't all it's cracked up to be. You don't stretch right, you could twist an ankle or twang a hamstring or somethin'. All that punchin' and kickin' has gotta be hard on a body. I got no problem with you showin' off your moves. Some of 'em are pretty fancy, but...what I don't wanna see is any scrappin' 'bout who won and who lost, ya hear?"

Marth nodded. "All right."

Mr. Resetti smiled for the first time. "Whew! I'm gonna run my yap this much, I gotta buy me some of them throat lozenges." He stretched. Then: "All right, then...I'm gonna hit the tunnels." He went to burrow back down through the floor, but then had an afterthought and turned back to Marth. "Do me a favor, will ya? Use the restroom before ya hit the sack! Now...SCRAM!" And he disappeared underground.

Marth stepped back into the kitchen where Ike, Link, Pit, and Red still were, but now eating the chopped up food. The prince leaned against the counter and breathed a massive sigh of relief.

"What went on out there?" Link asked around a mouthful of carrot.

"Oh, you know," Marth said casually, "just your everyday yelling match between a dog and a mole…though the mole did most of the yelling," he mused, "and I don't even know where the dog went because he left in the middle of the whole thing…"

Ike, who had been eavesdropping, laughed and clapped his friend on the shoulder. "You should eat something, you look like you did when professor Oak tried to explain pokémon evolution to you."

* * *

"Marth, explain to me again why we need to call Mr. Cameron from _outside_ the mansion?"

"Because," Marth sighed, irritated by the fact that this was the fifth time Link had asked him the same question, "my cell reception inside the mansion is, quite frankly, absolutely terrible."

"All right then, but make it quick."

As Marth dialed the last number and put the phone up to his ear, Link went to sit down near the outside wall of the mansion but shot right back up again. "OUCH!"

"What is it?" Ike asked from his perch on the stairs.

"Damn it," Link growled, "what the hell did I…?" he looked down to where he had tried to sit. "Oh, _come ON!_ " He picked up whatever he had sat on and held it up for all to see. It was a Spiny.

Ike found it hard not to laugh at Link's terrible luck. "If you sat on the spiny, then Lakitu must be around here somewhere as well…ah," Ike spotted Lakitu floating around only a little ways away from where they were, dropping spinies around wherever it pleased.

"Marth, hurry up and finish that call," Link demanded even though the Altean clearly was otherwise occupied.

A few minutes later, Marth ended the call. "There," he said, "Mr. Cameron will be here soon to round up the assist trophies and put them back where they belong. In the meantime, he said for us to go inside and to 'not cause any more trouble.'" He said the last part while making mock quotations in the air with his fingers.

"What, does he think we did it?" Link asked, his tone clearly betraying his injured pride.

Ike laughed. "It wouldn't surprise me if it turned out it really was one of us behind it."

"Well, I don't know about you two, but I'm going inside before this all gets pinned on me." Marth marched up the steps, passed Ike, and went in the door. Ike and Link exchanged a look, shrugged, and followed suite.

* * *

The next morning, Marth opened his bedroom door to find Link standing in front of it, fuming.

"Remember your brilliant idea to call Mr. Cameron to round up the assist trophies?" He continued on without leaving room for Marth to answer. "Well, it turns out he forgot something." He took his hands out from behind his back and presented Marth with a spiny not unlike the one that the Hylian had sat on the day before.

"Where did you find that?" Marth queried.

Link pressed his lips together before answering. "In my bed," he said tightly.

Marth snickered. "Well, I guess you should go return that to Lakitu."

"Nope, you're going to." Link threw the spiny at Marth and ran off.

"Hey!" Marth ducked sharply to avoid the spiny, then yelled out the door after Link. "That was cheap!"

"Return it quickly, I hear Lakitu gets very agitated when its spinies are missing!"

There were no hesitations after that. Marth very gingerly picked up the spiny and rushed it over to the assist trophy storage room, and that was the end of the assist trophies's free run of the Smash Mansion.


	15. Dark Plans and Romantic Undertone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title summarizes this one well. Ganondorf finally makes an appearance as a threatening villain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note from the FanFiction version of this fic: For this chapter, and future chapters, to make sense, I should explain something to you. I imagine the Smash Mansion to be in a different realm of sorts. The portal outside the front door is the inter-dimensional portal that is used by smashers, staff, and mailmen alike to travel between the mansion realm, our realm (which will be referred to as the Head Realm by Ganondorf as it is where the president is), and the home lands of the smashers, such as Hyrule and Crimea. Cell phone signal for inter-dimensional calls would be increased the nearer one was to the portal, which is why Marth's signal is better outside the mansion than inside. I hope that makes sense to everyone and doesn't sound too far-fetched. 
> 
> I like romance so this chapter introduces some more of that into this epic. And once again, this chapter was based on a request on FF.net.

In the basement of the Smash Mansion, past the storage room and Wario's makeshift laboratory, even farther than most smashers have ever gone, is a giant, steel-plated door with a combination lock. The existence of this room is common knowledge to staff and smashers alike; what is not, however, is the combination. The sole possessor of such knowledge is the president - Mr. LePhant - but even he never knew what lies behind that heavy door. Unfortunately, Ganondorf managed to stumble upon both what lies behind the door and the combination, which led him to devise a plan to put the Super Smash Bros. industry out of business.

* * *

"There. It's ready."

After several hours of sitting in front of the master computer in the control room, the final step in the plan was ready to be initiated. Dark Link smiled to himself as he bypassed the final firewall and prepared to insert the infected disc.

Ganondorf leaned heavily on the doppelganger's shoulder; so heavily, in fact, that Dark Link had to turn his head away quickly to avoid being overwhelmed by the smell of moth balls. He toed the disc drive gently; it whirred shut. The computer screen flared blue, and numbers began to appear at the bottom, race up the screen, then disappear at breakneck speed. There was a small countdown clock in the top right-hand corner. At the moment the disc drive shut, it read 14:00, and was now steadily counting down.

"Fourteen minutes," Ganondorf mused in awe, "until every piece of technology in the mansion is infected with our irremovable computer virus. Phones won't work and portals will shut down, effectively cutting us off from the Head Realm." He laughed darkly. "It'll be the end of Super Smash Bros."

"But not us, right?" Dark Link choked; Ganondorf's breath was worse than his cologne.

Ganondorf took his massive fist and slammed it into the back of the elf's head. Dark Link's forehead connected with the table with a cracking sound.

"Of course not, you fool," the evil overlord growled. "We will make our escape back to Hyrule at the last second, so as not to alert everyone of our treachery so soon."

"Yes, of course," Dark Link responded, doing his best to keep the pain out of his voice.

Ganondorf glanced at the countdown clock. It read 13:06. Grinning, he stood up and reached down, lifting Dark Link by his collar and depositing him roughly on the floor.

"Let's get out of here," he said while striding over to the door. "I could use a snack."

"Right behind you." Dark Link picked himself up off the floor and hurried after Ganondorf. As he neared the door, he caught a flash of blue out of the corner of his eye. He spun around and stared at where he thought the colour came from: behind the filing cabinet. He watched the spot for a few seconds; seeing no further indicators, he left the room, shutting the steel-plated door behind him and proceeding through the storage room to the stairwell leading to the kitchen.

* * *

"Did you see that? He was staring right at us! I nearly had a heart attack!"

"Hush up, will you? He could still be listening for us. Besides, it was your hair that nearly gave us away."

"Don't diss the 'do, now will you hurry up and use your bounty-hunting skills to get us out of here?"

"Calm down, it's all under control. Let's go…"

* * *

Ten minutes later, Dark Link and Ganondorf descended the stairs back to the control room to double check everything before they made their escape back to Hyrule. At the door, Ganondorf plugged in the combination and the heavy slab of steel swung open silently. The traitors entered the room. Dark Link made to check the computer, but something was blocking his path.

Samus stood in the middle of the room, twirling the end of an electrical cord that traced back to the computer in one hand and holding the shattered fragments of a disc in the other. She bore a smug expression on her face, and the countdown clock was frozen at 12:52.

Ganondorf snarled in rage and lunged at the girl, arms outstretched. His hands were inches from her throat when he felt something cold and sharp press into his neck, causing him to stop in his tracks.

"You will not touch her."

Marth emerged from his hiding place in the shadow, steady right arm keeping Falchion in place against the overlord's neck. When Ganondorf stepped back away from the blade, Marth glided out in front of him, shifting the sword so that its sharp point remained millimeters from Ganondorf's nose.

"Get out of here," Samus addressed Dark Link without taking her eyes off Ganondorf. "Go on," she urged when he didn't move. "Get!"

The doppelganger flinched at the tone in her voice, whirled around, and shot out the door. He didn't stop running until he was outside the Smash Mansion and passing through the portal.

_Next time Ganondorf asks me for my help,_ he thought as Hyrule Field appeared around him, _I'm putting an arrow through his forehead._

* * *

"So, Ganondorf…now what?"

Back in the control room, Ganondorf was being subjected to much interrogation. Falchion was still way too close to his nose for comfort, and Marth's unwavering cobalt eyes shooting daggers, coupled with the cold edge creeping into his voice was enough to make even Ganondorf's massive ego shrink considerably.

"What'll it be?" Marth's voice was now dangerously quiet. "Will you lay down here and beg for your release, or will we call the president and get you evicted?"

Ganondorf's mouth curled down in a snarl. Samus could see that Marth's patience was beginning to wear thin; it wouldn't be long now before he snapped.

"Decide now, Ganondorf," the bounty-hunter commanded, "or I'll call the president this instant without a second thought." She pulled out her cell phone and flicked it on to show that she was serious.

The evil overlord looked from the bounty-hunter, to the prince, and back again. Suddenly, he drew back his fist and slammed it into the wall, yelling in frustration. He then took a deep breath and said:

"Fine. I…concede. Just don't call the president."

Samus clicked her phone shut and hummed in satisfaction. While Marth's outward appearance softened only slightly, and he never lowered Falchion, on the inside he was grinning madly; they had won.

"Well then," the prince continued, "we need to make sure that you don't go completely unpunished." The cold edge was gone from his voice, now replaced with a deadly serious tone. "If you ever attempt to harm or otherwise endanger the Smash Mansion or any of its residents, the president will be immediately notified of the events of this afternoon."

"Also," Samus added, "the evidence of the crime, namely the security tapes and this shattered disc, will be kept in a secret location where you can't get at it." It wasn't until this mention of security tapes that Ganondorf finally noticed the security camera opposite where he was standing. He mentally cursed his stupidity for not seeing it sooner.

"So, in short," Marth summed up, "if you screw up again, we'll screw you over. Clear?" When Ganondorf didn't respond immediately, the prince pressed Falchion's point into the overlord's nose. "I said, are we clear?"

Ganondorf grunted in response. Marth slowly lowered his sword, and then swung it in the direction of the door. "Get out of here."

Ganondorf exited the room, glaring at the Altean the entire time until he was out of sight. Finally, Marth relaxed. He made for the door as well, but Samus stopped him when she grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

"So," she said, "it seems you're not going to allow anyone to touch me?"

Marth was incredibly aware of how close she was to him, and he could feel his face heating up. Samus could see the powdery pink blush settling across the boy's cheekbones. "I…er…well, what I meant was…" he stammered, "I was just…um…I was just referring to Ganondorf…you know…because he…er…tried to kill you…and all…"

"Oh," Samus tried to sound disappointed, "that's too bad." She leaned very close to Marth's ear, and he visibly tensed when she whispered, "I was so hoping that you'd meant everyone." Then she quickly walked out the door.

Marth waited until he was sure Samus was out of earshot before he exhaled the breath he hadn't fully realized he'd been holding. He stayed in the room until he felt his face cool down and his heart stop racing, then he stepped out and shut the door behind him. He leaned on it and thought to himself, _Since when did she have feelings for me?_ He looked off in the direction she had walked. He could still feel her as she had stood so close to him, and unwillingly let a small smile grace his face. _And…is it possible that I…have feelings…for her?_


	16. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is in the air for all our favourite couples! Contains five tiny ficlets filled to the brim with fluff that is sure to make you smile :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "surprise pairing" at the end of this fic was requested on FF.net.

Though he knew very well that reading while walking is a dangerous pastime, Marth had still elected to stroll around the Smash Mansion with his nose buried in one of his tattered, well-thumbed paperbacks. He was so absorbed in the story that it was a wonder he didn't walk into anything…at least, not until he wandered his way into the cafeteria.

While passing by the kitchen, Marth collided with a chef who was holding a tray of cinnamon rolls. The tray was launched into the air and landed with a loud clatter a few feet away, and the pastries rained down on the surrounding area. The chef stumbled backward into the kitchen. Marth, on the other hand, staggered back and fell with a thud on the floor. Somehow, his book stayed in his hand, and he continued to read it as he sat on the floor, his book-free hand under his tailbone to ease the waves of pain after having fallen on it.

Samus watched this all unfold with mild amusement, though she couldn't help but laugh a little as one of the cinnamon rolls landed right on Marth's head and the prince never even flinched. He just kept reading that book. She stood up and walked over to him, plucking the pastry off his head in the process.

"Hey."

"Hello." Marth didn't even look up when he responded.

"Whatcha reading?" Samus asked, mouth full of cinnamon roll.

"Sec," Marth mumbled, and he continued to mumble to himself, eyes wide as cobalt dinner plates, as he absorbed the last few lines of the chapter. When he finished, he folded down the corner of the page and sighed contentedly. "It's my favourite part," he smiled.

"What is it?" Samus asked again.

Marth grinned wider. "A romance." Then, more seriously: "Where did you get that cinnamon roll?"

Samus gestured at the Altean. "Your head."

Marth frowned and glanced around him. "Why are there cinnamon rolls everywhere?"

Samus raised an eyebrow at him. "You really know how to lose yourself in a book, huh?"

"It's one of my specialties," he said crookedly.

"Uh huh." The bounty-hunter extended a hand to Marth. The prince eyed it curiously for a moment, then took it and stood up.

"So, what's for breakfast?"

Samus shoved her half eaten cinnamon roll in his face.

"Ah." Marth paused for a minute before continuing. "We should go sit down."

"Mm."

Together, Marth and Samus made for one of the tables that sported a tray of cinnamon rolls that hadn't been on the floor, when Samus spoke again. "You realize you've been holding my hand this entire time, right?"

Marth's slip-up shocked him so much he nearly stopped walking. Instead, he did his best to maintain a cool composure and said smoothly, "Yes I have, does it bother you?"

Now it was Samus' turn to be taken aback; however, she was just as good at maintaining a façade as the prince. "Why would it bother me?"

"I don't know," Marth shrugged, "because you pointed it out?"

"Er…" He had her there. As Samus fumbled for an answer, Marth looked around the cafeteria and spotted Pit at a nearby table. When the prince saw what the angel had in his hands, he nearly died on the spot. _Is that…a camera?_ Once the flash had gone off, Pit lowered the camera and grinned devilishly at Marth. The look in his eye plainly said "This is _so_ going on the internet." Marth stalked angrily over to Pit, unconsciously dragging Samus along with him since he was still holding her hand.

"Hello," Pit sang when Marth came near. "What's up?"

Marth opened his mouth to tell Pit off when Samus' free hand shot out, snatched Pit's camera, and flung it across the room. It soared through the air and landed with a _shloop_ in the big bowl of oatmeal that was to go along with the cinnamon rolls. The chef carrying the bowl flinched slightly when some oatmeal spattered his face, but continued on and placed the bowl on a nearby table. Marth pitied the poor person who found that camera in their breakfast. He didn't have too long to dwell on it, however, because Samus was walking away and dragging him along while Pit yelled insults after them. She was still holding his hand.

"Hey, Samus?" Marth asked tentatively.

"What?" She replied without turning around.

"You're still holding my hand."

Samus stopped walking now, and Marth moved to face her. "Well?" he prompted.

Samus watched him for a minute, then gave in with a small sigh and smiled. "I know."

Feeling oddly triumphant, Marth smiled back. "Happy Valentine's day."

"You too."

* * *

"Can I take off the blindfold now, Zel?"

"Not yet."

Zelda was leading a blindfolded Link down the halls of the Smash Mansion. She had found him by the cafeteria - by this time she knew the first thing Link did in the morning was go get coffee - and had told him she had a surprise for him. Interested, and being aware that it was February 14th, Link allowed her to blindfold him and lead him by the hand down to her room, where the surprise was waiting. The anticipation was getting to him, though. He couldn't wait for the princess to tell him he could take off the blindfold.

"Okay, Link," Zelda said as she shut her bedroom door, "you can take off the blindfold now."

Link obliged, and the first thing his blue eyes fell on was the thing on Zelda's bed: an ice cream cake, with pink icing forming a heart and just big enough for two.

The Hylian was stunned. "Zel…this is…"

"Hush," she told him. "Eat." She passed him a plate. Being an ice cream lover, Link couldn't refuse.

Ten minutes of stuffing his face later, Link leaned back on Zelda's bed, full of ice cream and quite satisfied. Zelda shifted over to be beside him and placed her head on his shoulder. "So?" she asked. "Did you like it?"

"I did," Link replied, "very much."

"Good. I'm glad."

"Although, I could use some milk now," Link said very seriously.

"What for?" Zelda was slightly confused. "You just ate a whole bunch of ice cream, which is primarily made of milk."

Link shrugged as best he could with Zelda's head on his one shoulder. "Ice cream cake makes me thirsty. I blame the fudge."

"Then I blame it, too," Zelda laughed.

"Heh…"

They were silent for a while. Then Link turned his head down to where Zelda's was against his shoulder, and he touched the side of her nose gently with his own. He placed a hand along the side of her jaw and tilted her face upward until their lips met. He kissed her passionately for a minute, then pulled away and spoke very softly, "Happy Valentine's day."

Zelda responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him again. _Oh_ , Link thought to himself, _how I love Valentine's day_.

* * *

Sheik did not like Valentine's day. She hated all the pink, the mushy lovey-dovey things that all the couples did, and most of all - and she would never admit this to anyone - she hated how none of the boys paid her any attention. She was a girl, too! Maybe she didn't have Samus' figure, or Peach's natural beauty, or Zelda's royal charisma, but she had many lovely qualities that boys just failed to notice. She couldn't think of any at the moment, but she knew they were there. Resigned to being ignored for the remainder of the day, she closed her bedroom door behind her and stepped out into the hall.

Sheik wandered the halls; she wasn't hungry for anything, and couldn't think of anything better to do. But despite her lack of desire for breakfast, she still found her way into the cafeteria, and as she entered the door she caught a glimpse of a blue-haired man descending down to the storage room. Intrigued, she followed.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she found Ike rummaging around in a large box with a "this side up" arrow pointing at the floor. Sheik quietly approached him, then tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, Ike."

The warrior cried out in alarm and stumbled sideways into a stack of boxes, toppling them over with a large amount of noise. Momentarily off balance, Ike grappled around for support and his hand eventually landed on Sheik's shoulder. After he caught his breath, he looked Sheik in the eye and demanded, "What the heck was that for?!"

Sheik remained very straight-faced as she said sarcastically, "I was testing your manliness."

Ike raised one eyebrow and uttered the single syllable, "Wow," before turning back to his box. Sheik could see now that it was filled with fake flowers: some were lying on their own, while others were arranged together into hairpieces, corsages, and bouquets.

"Why exactly do we have a box full of these?"

"No idea," Ike spoke as he continued to search the box. Sheik couldn't help but admire how sexy his blue hair was from this angle. She wondered if the colour was natural.

Sheik's musings were interrupted when Ike cried out with glee, "Found it!" He emerged from the box with a bouquet of assorted flowers. He presented them to Sheik. "Aren't they pretty?"

Sheik's mouth turned down in disgust. "They're fake."

"Oh…well, yes," Ike stuttered, "but tell me: which is your favourite?"

Sheik watched Ike suspiciously for a moment, then pointed at the single red rose in the middle of the bunch. "That one."

Ike acknowledged the response with a nod, and then was quiet for a while as he thought to himself. "She'll probably like them, then…" he muttered.

"Who'll like what?" Sheik asked.

Ike's eyes snapped up; he could've sworn he hadn't spoken loud enough for anyone but himself to hear. Nevertheless, Sheik had heard him, and now he had to cover himself.

"Er…n-no one," he fumbled, "I…er-I have to go back to…to Crimea!" and he ran past Sheik, up the stairs, and into the kitchen.

Back in the storage room, Sheik was confused by Ike's odd behaviour. _What does he mean, he has to go back to Crimea?_ she pondered. _He left with the bouquet, too…he must have a girlfriend back home._ Sheik's heart fell at the realization. _I'm such an idiot._ Feeling angry and rather close to tears, Sheik marched back up to the kitchen and all the way to her room, slamming the door behind her.

-X-X-X-

It wasn't until very late at night that Ike returned back to the Smash Mansion through the portal. He stealthily crept back inside and made his way down the hall to the door he was looking for.

-X-X-X-

Sheik heard someone knocking at her door. Rubbing her dry eyes, she got up off her bed and went to yell at the person who so rudely interrupted her self-pitying. And who should she open the door to but the one from whom all the self-pitying stemmed.

"What do you want?" Sheik asked sourly, refusing to look Ike in the eye and instead staring at the floor.

"I came to give you something."

No matter how hard Sheik tried to suppress it, she felt a small glimmer of hope appear with Ike's words. "You…you did?"

"Here." Sheik looked up. In Ike's hands was a bouquet full of ruby red roses, just like the one she had told him she liked, except these ones were real. "Those are…for me?"

"Of course," Ike reassured her, "who else could they be for?"

Sheik decided not to answer that, and instead took the flowers from the warrior and graced him with a rare smile. Then she couldn't control the overwhelming happiness anymore and launched herself at Ike, hugging him tightly. "Thank you," she sobbed into his shoulder. "Thank you." She felt his strong arms caress her as he replied, "Happy Valentine's day."

* * *

"FORE!"

Mario ducked as Peach swung back her club in preparation to whack the golf ball down the course. She hit it, and it flew off at an incredible speed. Mario watched in admiration as the ball flew way up into the air, reaching its maximum height with a graceful arc and then landing not ten feet from where Peach was standing, bouncing slightly. As terrible as the shot was, Mario still praised Peach.

"Wonderful! Wonderful!" he cheered, clapping. Peach smiled with delight and stepped back to let Mario take his turn.

Peach may not have been the best golfer, but Mario's skill was undeniable. He hit the ball and it soared through the air, terminating by falling on to the putting green and bouncing its way into the hole.

"Hole in one!"

Valentine's day for the Mushroom Kingdom couple was rather simple: Mario treated Peach to something, and then the princess did likewise. This time, Mario opted to take Peach golfing. As for what Peach had in mind for him, he had no idea, and he was spending every second thinking about it. As a result, the end of the game at the eighteenth hole came as a surprise. The final score had Mario standing with -30 and Peach with a record-breaking +100. Naturally, Mario let Peach be under the impression she had won.

"Okay, Mario," Peach trilled as they left Mushroom Kingdom golf course, "now it's time for my gift to you!"

Mario was in a haze as he walked with Peach through the town back to the palace. As the pair strolled the streets, many toads stopped what they were doing to stare at them. Some waved and called out greetings, and Peach waved back at each one of them.

When they arrived at Peach's palace they were greeted by two guard toads who led them up the pink cobblestone steps to the pink wooden doors. Once inside, they walked down through the entirely pink hallway to a little side room that Peach had had decorated just for the event. She ushered Mario inside, and then turned and said, "I'll be right back!"

Once Peach was gone, Mario took in the room. It was virtually windowless, except for a row of thin rectangular windows running along the top of the walls. In the center of the room was a round cherry wood table, with two matching cherry wood chairs, one on either side. On the table was a vase of roses. Mario sat in one of the chairs and waited for Peach to return.

Five minutes passed, and then ten, and then twenty with no sign of Peach. Mario was getting antsy with excitement. And then, Peach returned, but not with cake as Mario was hoping.

"Oh, Mario!" Peach wailed as she dashed through the door and flung herself on the ground beside Mario's chair. "I'm so s-sorry!"

Mario was so confused he didn't know what to do, which was perfectly fine because Peach continued on without needing a cue.

"I r-ruined your cake!" she bawled. "I l-left it *hic* i-in the oven t-too long and r-ruined it! N-now we'll n-never have o-our special v-Valentine's day!"

As Peach continued to sob on the floor, Mario hopped off his chair and circled around to comfort her. He made to pat her back, changed his mind, went to say something comforting, and changed his mind again. He sighed. How was he going to comfort Peach seeing as she was so upset on their special day? _Hmmm…_

Abandoning all form of thought, Mario acted instinctively and pecked Peach on the cheek. The mushroom princess's sobbing faltered a little at the contact, and she lowered her hands to look at the plumber. "Oh, Mario…"

Mario smiled lovingly. " _Buon San Valentino."_

Peach laughed lightly. "Happy Valentine's day!"

* * *

Diddy Kong came quietly into the cafeteria, with a laptop in his hands. Seeing the room was mostly empty, he set up the computer device in the far corner, where it would be quietest. He turned it on, hit a few buttons, and within minutes, the happy, smiling face of Dixie Kong appeared before him.

Pit observed all this from a few feet away, and he couldn't help but soften a little inside when he saw the way Diddy Kong's face lit up when he began to skype with his girlfriend. He listened to and smiled at the happy monkey noises coming from both Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong. He was so absorbed in the adorableness of it all that he didn't even notice Diddy Kong beckoning for him to come over until the monkey hopped over, grabbed Pit by the hand and dragged him over in front of the laptop.

Once there, Pit watched as Diddy Kong gestured toward him and gave some sort of monkey introduction. On the screen, Dixie Kong nodded to Diddy Kong, then turned and waved animatedly at Pit. The angel smiled and waved back. Then, just before leaving the pair alone, he pointed discreetly at Diddy Kong and gave two thumbs up for Dixie to see. She giggled, and when Diddy Kong turned around to see at what, Pit was nowhere to be seen.

The two monkeys continued to chat and retell to each other all the adventures they had had recently. They talked for hours; all who entered the cafeteria and caught sight of Diddy Kong and his laptop smiled at the monkey's commitment to his friend. Some of them secretly wished that they could have a relationship like the one Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong clearly shared.

When night began to fall, both at the Smash Mansion and in Dixie Kong's world, the pair decided that it was time to say goodbye. Just as Diddy Kong made to close his laptop, Dixie put her hand to her lips and blew a sweet kiss. The recipient grinned and blushed, and after a second, blew one back. Then he closed his laptop for good and left to return to his room, heart riding high on cloud nine. It had indeed been a very happy Valentine's day.


	17. Rampaging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the pokemon out of control, it's all up to Red to try and get things back to normal! Guess that pokemon training didn't help Link, Ike, and Marth out all that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another of the favourites, and the beginning of the second and final arc. Based on a request on FF.net.

Red was dreaming. He dreamed he was lying in his soft bed in his room at the Smash Mansion, and there was an incessant pounding at the door. He wished his dream would change to something less annoying, and rolled over while burying himself farther into the mountain of pillows and blankets. Then someone yelled.

"Red! Hey! HEY! GET OUT HERE!"

Red opened his brown eyes and realized that he wasn't dreaming. There really was someone banging on his door. Sighing audibly he called out feebly and tried to go back to sleep.

"Go away…"

This did nothing to deter the insistent person at the door. Red's condition was made worse by the fact that he had had very little sleep the night previous what with the pokémon behaving strangely…

"RED!" the person yelled again. "OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT DOWN!"

He had no choice. The pounding was really getting on his nerves and was beginning to reverberate right through his skull. The trainer literally dragged himself out of bed and opened the door.

Link was standing there, and he was so mad there should've been steam coming out his ears. Before Red had a chance to ask the angry hero what was up, Link simply gestured for him to come across the hall to his room. Red complied.

When Link opened the door, his room was orange. Or, rather, the thing taking up most of the room was orange. Sprawled across the entire floor and part of the bed was Charizard.

"Hey buddy," Red cooed, scratching Charizard's nose which protruded through the open doorway, "how'd you get in there?"

"Who cares?" Link's patience was wearing thin. "Just get your overgrown lizard _out of my room._ "

"No. I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

Red gestured around wildly. "Hello? He's not exactly going to fit through the door! Plus," Red became a little more serious, "he…wants to tell you something."

Link stopped raging for a moment. "What?"

Charizard turned to face Link, baring his teeth as if to smile maliciously. Red's eyes suddenly got very wide.

"Link, you should run now."

"What-"

Charizard picked Link up with his teeth, dragged him into the room and dropped him on his bed. The pokémon then unleashed a torrent of flame, scorching the entire room. Link only just managed to shield himself with the headboard.

"WHAT THE HELL! Control your stupid dragon!"

"I can't!" Red cried. "I don't know what's going on!"

Charizard drew back his head to unleash more fire. Link yelled and dove for cover, but all that came out of the dragon was a dry cough. Link stared from Charizard to Red in complete disbelief.

"Is he…?"

"Yep," Red confirmed, pulling a pokéball out of his pocket, "he's all out of fire. Poor little guy." He tossed the ball at Charizard, and it captured the pokémon. Link had to refrain from screaming and demanding to know why Red just couldn't have done that in the first place.

"I'd better go put this guy back where he belongs." Red put the pokéball back in his pocket as he spoke. "Link, would you mind checking around to see if any other pokémon are causing trouble?" He left without waiting for Link to answer. Brushing ashes out of his hair, the Hylian stepped out into the hall and spotted Marth exiting the room adjacent.

From the bottom up, Marth looked relatively like Link, though his pajamas weren't covered in soot. His hair, however, was interesting. Each azure strand was standing straight up and the ends were charred and smoking. Perched on the prince's shoulder, squeaking and crackling with electricity, was Pikachu.

"You will never guess what I woke up to," Marth said as he looked Link up and down, cobalt eyes exhausted, "but I think I can guess what you did."

Link shook himself, scattering ashes everywhere. "I got attacked by Red's overgrown fire-breathing lizard." He then pointed to the mouse pokémon, whose static electricity was dancing between its fur and Marth's hair. "You and Pikachus don't really get along, do you?"

"No," Marth sighed, "we don't. Is my hair bad?"

"Definitely."

"Ugh." Marth reached up and tried to pat down his electrified hair. He only made it worse. "Better?"

"Not really."

The prince frowned at Pikachu. "Stupid pokémon." Pikachu just chirped happily.

Suddenly, the door across from Marth's banged open unleashing a spray of water that plastered half of Marth's hair to the side of his face. He now looked like a lopsided hedgehog. Standing in the doorway was a sopping Ike, and Squirtle was dancing around him chirping, "Squirtle! Squirtle Squirtle!" The wet warrior looked from the electrified prince to the sooty Hero of Time and concluded that the same thing that had happened to him had happened to them.

"Have either of you talked to Red about this?" he asked while aiming a kick at the excited water pokémon.

"I did," Link said, "and he has no idea what's going on."

"Hm," Ike mused, "I was afraid of that." He ran his hands over his wet hair, then shook like a dog, flinging droplets everywhere. "Let's go check the cafeteria. Maybe someone there knows what's going on."

So off went the little group, and on their way they ran into Red, who, after having the plan explained to him, followed along.

The pokémon trainer was the first to set foot in the cafeteria, and instinctively he knew something wasn't right. He could hear a strange and soothing melody, and it was making him so…so sleepy…

Red clapped his hands over his ears just in time, whirled around, and yelled at the others behind him. "Everyone! Cover your ears! NOW!"

The three behind him obeyed without hesitation. Over Red's shoulder, Ike could see the cause for concern: Jigglypuff was ballooning around the room, singing its song of sleep. Snake had unfortunately fallen prey to the tune; he was lying face down on the table, snoring and drooling. Ike took his eyes away from the sight to see Red motioning with his elbow for them to step back into the hall.

Once out of earshot of the song, the foursome tentatively removed their hands from their ears and dropped their arms to their sides.

Link was the first to speak. "What was all that about?"

"No idea," Red shrugged, "but we should count ourselves lucky none of us heard the tune."

Everyone nodded in agreement with the statement. Then, in the silence, Marth thought he could hear the faint sound of someone calling out for help. It seemed to be coming from down the other hall. A quick exchange of glances with Link told him the Hylian could hear it too. Together, they went to investigate.

Nearing the end of the hall, Marth and Link found it was Pit who was crying. The angel was seated on the floor and backed up into the corner, knees drawn up to his chest and arms held up over his face. His forearms were various shades of black, blue, and purple, and whenever Pit tried to scurry away, vines would lash out, hit his arms, and drive him further into the corner. Marth and Link quickened their pace and sprinted the last quarter of the hallway.

Marth reached Pit first and knelt down to help the smaller boy but was forced to jump back when Ivysaur continued its onslaught. When the vines hit Pit, the angel winced in pain and tried to make himself as small a target as possible. He peeked between his arms to see if the pokémon's attacks were slowing and caught sight of Marth on the ground and Link just behind.

"Help me…"

The older boys sprang into action. Marth reached out, scooped up Pit, and carried him out of harm's reach. At the same time, Link launched himself at Ivysaur and tackled the creature to the ground. By this point Ike and Red had caught up and the latter called out: "Link! Head's up!"

Link vaulted himself up and somersaulted over Ivysaur and out of the way as Red threw a pokéball, capturing the pokémon. Once the pokéball was safely stored in Red's pocket, he, Ike, and Link ran to catch up with Marth and Pit.

Pit was once again sitting on the floor, rubbing his eyes with his fists. Marth was squatting beside him; hand on the angel's shoulder and speaking comforting words softly into his ear. Link came and sat on Pit's other side, Red stood in front, and Ike hovered over Marth.

"Let's see the damage," Red said softly.

Pit sniffed and held out his arms. They looked worse up close. The bruises covered most of his arms, and the skin was tearing in places. Red grimaced.

Link reached out and gently took Pit's arm to turn it toward him so he could see, but even the Hylian's light touch was too much. The second Link's fingers made contact, Pit cried out in pain, jerked his arm back, and nearly started crying again.

Ike clucked his tongue. "We need to get him some ice." Then, without waiting for a response, he maneuvered around Marth and lifted Pit up by the shoulders. Holding the little boy close so he could support him, Ike escorted Pit away.

Meanwhile, Marth, Link, and Red were racking their brains, searching for some answer as to why the pokémon were being so abnormally vicious. After fifteen minutes, they were still drawing blanks.

Suddenly, Marth had an epiphany that was so great he cried out with glee. "I've got it!"

"What? What is it?" Link demanded. "Tell us!"

"Not now," Marth said as he stood up and took off running down the hall. "Come on! I'll explain later! Follow me!"


	18. False Beards and Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link has his doubts about the Altean Prince's plan, but when a pink ball with a fake beard is their only option, he doesn't have much choice but to follow along and hope Marth knows what he's doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a request from FF.net, this is the conclusion of the arc.

Link's jaw dropped all the way to the floor when he saw the sign posted on the door. Marth stood beside him, and his face bore a grim and serious expression.

"I kid you not," the prince told the Hylian.

The two boys, along with Red, were standing outside Kirby's door. Posted on it was a sheet of loose leaf with two words written in red crayon: resident therapist.

"You're kidding me," Link quavered. "You are absolutely pulling my leg because there is no way that this is even possible!"

"I beg to differ," Red put in. "This sign is telling the truth."

Link rounded on the trainer. "Oh yeah? How would you know?"

Red smiled wanly. "You wouldn't believe some of the things Lucario tells me."

Link opened his mouth, closed it, thought, and tried again. "That's probably true."

"He's told me some interesting things about Zelda, too."

"WHAT?" Link was furious now. "What's that crazy aura pokémon told you about my girlfriend? Spill!"

"Um, guys?" Marth stepped in front of Link to stop him from killing Red and pointed at the door. "Getting off topic here."

Link looked from the prince to the trainer and back again. Then he frowned and said, "Fine. So will you explain again your brilliant idea, Marth?"

"Of course." Marth cleared his throat, crossed his arms, puffed himself up and said, "Since Kirby is the closest creature here to a pokémon, we ask him what's going on."

"Oh," Link sighed, "right." Somehow he could remember Marth's plan being more dynamic than that. Either way, it was all they had.

Red was staring at the crayon sign. He raised his hand and held it suspended for a minute, then changed his mind and let it flop back down at his side. "Do you think we should knock?" he asked no one in particular.

Marth turned to him and answered back with, "As opposed to what?"

"Good point." Red took his fist and rapped the door three times.

The three waited for some sort of signal that they could enter the room. After a minute and a half, Link's impatience got the better of him and he opened the door.

Link, Marth, and Red entered the room single file and were quite shocked by what the found inside: Kirby's bed had been flipped upside down to serve as a tall desk, the sheets draped over like tablecloths. The blinds were closed, and a floor lamp in the corner served as the lighting. An upturned wastebasket was the chair on which Kirby sat facing the window.

Marth, concerned now that his plan might not work like he thought it would, decided that it was best to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Ahem," the Altean coughed, "er, Kirby?"

Hearing his name, the pink puff turned around and Link nearly burst into laughter. On his face, Kirby had a white, scaggly beard and bits of double sided tape could be seen sticking out from underneath. He held a clipboard in his little arms and gazed at the intruders with half-lidded eyes and a serious expression. It was indeed quite funny.

Red was the only one who seemed to have words when faced with this sight, so he said, "Kirby, we…er, Mr. Kirby…can you help us?"

Kirby placed his clipboard on his desk and produced a pen from beneath his sheets and held it at the ready.

"Right," Red continued, "so…er, you see, the problem is…well, maybe it'd be better if you'd…" He fumbled and mumbled and tossed his hands around as he tried to get his point across.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Marth muttered, running a hand through his azure hair, "Kirby, the pokémon have been acting up and we figured maybe you could, well, do whatever therapists do and fix them."

Kirby nodded and made some notes as Marth spoke, then scribbled something on a slip of paper and tossed it in the prince's direction. Marth picked it up and read: _Any idea on the possible causes?_

"Well, actually, I have two," Marth informed the pink creature, unable to keep some of the excitement out of his voice. "The first and most likely is that the pokémon want something and aren't getting it, and the second and least likely option is that they're becoming slightly misanthropic."

Kirby understood and nodded. Red and Link, however, just gave Marth blank stares. The Altean sighed. "Misanthropic," he explained, "means to not like people."

"Well, it would certainly explain why Red's giant lizard tried to fry me," Link deadpanned. Red simply nodded in agreement.

Suddenly, Kirby hopped off his wastebasket chair and waddled over to the door. When he looked at the three boys expectantly, and got nothing but questioning looks in return, he sighed and wrote something down. He presented it to Link, who read out loud, "'Take me to see Lucario.' Sure thing!" The Hylian led the way out the door.

* * *

It was a fair walk from Kirby's room to Lucario's, but the small group made good time. Link knocked on the door, and a moment later received the telepathic message, _Come in._ He, Marth, Red, and Kirby complied.

Kirby waddled straight over to Lucario, and the two immediately began to communicate with their minds. Red, Marth, and Link stood shifting their feet in uncomfortable silence.

After a few minutes, Kirby and Lucario seemed satisfied. The first went over and stood by the door to wait while the latter explained the plan of action to the three boys, eager to be included once more.

_Kirby has related to me the situation and the possible solutions,_ he transmitted. _We have decided the plan of action will be for me to go and talk with the other pokémon. In the meantime, you three are to return to your normal business and await the results._

Having nothing better to do, Red, Link, and Marth exited Lucario's room and went right down the hall as Kirby and the aura pokémon went left.

"You know what we should do? We should go see how Pit and Ike are doing," Marth suggested as they walked.

"Sure!" Link agreed sarcastically. "Only problem is, we don't know where they are and this mansion is HUGE."

"We should try by the freezer," Red said.

"Why?" Link scoffed. "That's, like, the last place they'd be, unless it happened to be midnight-"

Marth slapped the Hylian across the back of his head. "They'd have to get ice from somewhere, brainwave." Link just grumbled to himself, massaging the crown of his head.

Sure enough, Red had been right to suggest they check by the freezer. Pit was sitting on the floor in the kitchen, back against the major appliance, and Ike was sitting cross-legged beside him, holding two mounds of ice wrapped in towels against Pit's forearms. The angel's expression had brightened considerably, and he was laughing at something Ike had said.

"You seem happy," Marth said as he joined Ike on the floor. "Here, let me help." Ike handed him one of the makeshift ice packs and together they eased Pit's discomfort.

Link and Red sat across from Pit and the others. Taking turns, they, along with Marth, explained to the others the details of the investigation being carried out by Kirby and Lucario. Ike approved of the idea, and Pit as well once he had some things explained to him more simply.

"How long with this investigation take?" Ike asked.

"No idea," Link replied, fiddling with a string on the end of his pajamas. "We were told, in more or less words, to stay out of the way until Lucario and Kirby come and tell us what they found out."

"So, we figured we'd come see you guys and get you all caught up," Red finished.

Together, the five boys sat in the middle of the kitchen, joking and laughing and being amused by the fact that Marth's hair was half flat and half electrified, making him look rather crazy. Link even broke into the nearest pantry and extracted a packet of chocolate cookies for them to share.

Just as Ike polished off the last cookie and Red fell over again from laughing too hard, Kirby exploded through the door in a flurry of gleeful squeaks, his false beard hanging on by the last piece of double-sided tape. Lucario followed behind, calm and collected as ever.

_We have solved it_ , the aura pokémon transmitted to everyone.

"And?" Link urged, eager for the results.

_The answer, it seems, was a combination of both your suspicions, Marth._ Though his outward appearance betrayed nothing, Marth could sense a feeling of pride welling up inside him. _The other pokémon find their living quarters unsatisfactory, and since nothing has been done about that they have begun to feel an enmity toward the brawlers._

"I don't understand," Ike put in. "We have no control over the living conditions. Why are they taking their anger out on us?"

_They see you as their link to the president,_ Lucario explained. _They are also upset that their signs they've been giving have, thus far, been ignored._

"I haven't seen any signs," Red said defensively.

_Nevertheless,_ Lucario continued, _their dissatisfaction has now been made known, and I suggest you do something about it now, because last I heard Kyogre was planning on flooding the mansion and Pikachu was going to explode some circuits._

The boys set to action right away. While Red went outside to contact Mr. Cameron, Ike took Pit to his room, Marth went to shower and fix his hair (but not before Link got a picture with his cellphone of the partial hedgehog do), and Link set out to find a maintenance person to clean his room of ashes. Lucario and Kirby simply returned to their rooms, content in the fact that they had done something good.

Epilogue

When the pokémon next saw their living quarters, they were presented with a room full of big, colourful plush things to sleep on, plenty of food, and several windows that opened. They were quite happy.


	19. Forces of Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnets!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on my love of magnets and fluff. This is what came of that.

"Hey, Link! Look what I can do!"

Link looked up from his coffee cup to see what it was the angel wanted. With a huge grin on his face and his blue eyes sparkling, Pit held out his hand and cried again, "Look!"

Link peered closer. At first everything appeared normal, but then he noticed the two large, oblong magnets, one on either side of Pit's hand. The force of attraction between them was powerful enough that they held on to each other, even through something as thick as a hand.

As the angel beamed at his new discovery, the Hylian raised one eyebrow in mock surprise and said, "Neat. Where'd you find the magnets?"

"Wario found them lying around. There's a giant box of 'em! Marth and Samus are bringing it here," Pit finished explaining.

Link nodded his understanding, and his eyes drifted back to his cup. As he contemplated taking another drink, an idea occurred to him. He looked back up at Pit and smiled evilly.

"What?" Pit queried, half-afraid of what the answer might be.

"Guess what I was doing yesterday, Kuro?"

"Um..." Pit scratched his head. "I don't kn- wait, _what_?"

The Hylian snickered devilishly as Pit's brain slowly processed everything. "But…but how? How did you get your hands on it?"

Link's smile widened. "I have connections."

Before Pit could demand to know who these connections were and exactly how Link had gotten his hands on a copy of Kid Icarus: Uprising, Marth and Samus came through the door with a giant cardboard box between them.

"Hey, Link!" the Altean called out. "You'll never guess what we've got in here!"

Link stood up and walked over to his friend. He peered inside the box; sure enough, it was full of magnets of all different shapes and sizes, from small little squares to large, powerful-looking ones.

"Hey, get your big head out of the way so Marth and I can put this box down, will you?" Samus demanded. "My arms are about to fall off."

Feeling insulted, Link withdrew and the Altean and the bounty hunter set the box of magnets down on the nearest table. Pit swooped down on it instantly and began pulling clumps of magnet apart, picking and choosing the ones he wanted to play with.

"C'mon guys!" he cried. "Let's start building things!"

* * *

Within forty-five minutes, most of the smashers had found their way into the cafeteria and been inexorably drawn to the box of magnets and the entertainment it promised. Not long after that, several little groups had formed, each one working on a different project.

At one table sat Ike and Marth, and they were attempting to build a miniature Egyptian-style step pyramid. Any observer could tell the two boys made a good team: Marth's slim fingers were perfect for picking up and delicately placing the small, square-shaped magnets; while Ike's hands were bigger, they were steady and they kept the already placed magnets flat and even so that the pyramid would be symmetrical. They both had their faces so close to their work that they could smell the iron and were nearly cross-eyed.

Across the way, it hadn't taken long for Link and Pit to discover that by placing one powerful magnet on the tabletop and another underneath, and then moving the bottom one, they could race magnets. Of course, given that the more powerful the magnet the bigger and heavier it will be, it was rather difficult for either boy to move the magnet and himself along the underside of the table at a decent speed. So, Zelda-who had been observing-went on a hunt and dug up two skateboards. Now, Link and Pit were lying each on a skateboard under a row of three tables, hands holding their magnets against the table's underside and feet ready to propel them along. Zelda was moderator, and Samus was sitting at the end to be sure to see who won. Most of the other smashers had abandoned their projects to make up an eager audience.

Zelda raised her whistle. "On your marks, get set!" _Phweet!_

Pit started off at a good and steady pace, whereas Link shot off like a rocket. He blazed down the length of the tables, and it seemed to him that his magnet must be jumping along the surface. He reached the end in record time.

Pit, on the other hand, seemed to be going slower than a snail when compared to Link's pace. The angel would scoot along, taking care that his magnet remained with him. When he came to the slight break between two tables, he went even slower to ensure that his magnet didn't get stuck. He made it to the end no less than ten seconds after Link.

"Pit's the winner!" Samus announced. Pit did a victory dance, and the audience clapped for him.

"What?" Link raged. "No! I'm the winner! I got here way before he did!"

"Yeah, you did," Samus agreed, "but your magnet didn't."

"Huh?"

Link looked over his shoulder and saw, to his horror, that his magnet hadn't even made it past the first slight break. The corner of it had gotten caught, and the force of attraction had broken like a dry strand of spaghetti. The magnet sat desolately on its end, looking rather abandoned.

Pit skipped up to the Hylian. "Slow and steady wins the race," he smirked.

Link's mind was too confused and angry to decide whether it would be better to smack Pit or demand a rematch, so he settled on hunting down another cup of coffee. As he slumped off toward the kitchen, Zelda watched with mild amusement. She was no mind reader, but having been around Link for so long she could read him like a book. She sighed and shook her head in defeat, then promptly followed Link.

Meanwhile, Sheik had decided to go see what the Fire Emblem boys were doing. She found it amusing how focused Ike and Marth were on their six-inch pyramid. It was also funny how close they were to their work. Sheik wondered if it gave them a better view or something.

She decided to test it out. Slowly and stealthily she shifted behind Ike and moved her head out until it was nearly sitting on the warrior's shoulder. Her hands rested ever so lightly, one on Ike's shoulder and the other on his bicep. His body was warm, and he smelled like oranges and cinnamon. Sheik wished she could lay there forever.

It was a full two minutes before Ike finally noticed the warm breath tickling his neck.

"Aah!" Ike jerked upright, nearly toppling Sheik over. Marth started as well at Ike's sudden outburst, his hands scattering the magnets they held and his heart doing double time.

"Jeez, Ike, what'd you do that for?"

"Oh. Uh, sorry," Ike half-heartedly apologized. Marth sensed the insincerity and frowned, but Ike didn't notice. He had already turned around and given all his attention to Sheik.

"What were you leaning on me for?"

Sheik decided it would be easier in the end if she just told the truth: "I wanted to see if by having your faces so close to the pyramid, it gave you a better view."

Ike believed Sheik and found her excuse reasonable, making her decision to tell the truth a good one. For some reason, though, a little voice in the back of his mind was telling him that there was another reason why Sheik had been leaning on him.

He asked. "Are you sure you weren't leaning on me, just for the sake of leaning on me?"

Sheik's heart skipped a beat. What was going on? She'd told the truth in the first place, this shouldn't have been happening! But, when she thought about what Ike said, she realized that he might be right. She didn't _have_ to have leaned on him; she could have leaned on the end of the table and probably gotten the same view. For a moment she considered lying, but she didn't know if she could pull it off. She was already embarrassed enough as it was. Maybe if Marth hadn't been sitting right there…

In the end, it didn't matter that Sheik hadn't answered the question; her hesitation had been enough to seal it for Ike. He was also feeling especially cocky at the moment, so just as Sheik went to leave he told her something.

"You know," he began, "you can lean on me again, if you want to. I don't mind."

Sheik spun back, red eyes filled with genuine shock. Then her expression softened, and she smiled. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm going to go see what Zelda's doing. Can I get a rain check?"

Ike grinned back. "Any time."

Sheik turned and left. Ike twisted back to face Marth, who was gazing at him, cobalt eyes filled with intrigue. He spoke a single word: "Interesting."

"What?"

"Interesting," Marth repeated.

Ike waved a hand dismissively. "Yes, yes, I heard you the first time. That's not what I meant. I meant, what's so interesting?"

"You." Marth drove on before Ike could interrupt, "And your interactions with Sheik. Normally, you're as blunt and dull as a sword pommel and Sheik's stubborn, but when you two come together, you turn into…" he waved and gestured extravagantly, unable to locate the word he wanted, "…that, and she's putty in your hands."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ike said pointedly as he turned his back to the mini pyramid. "I just think she's cute."

"Of course you do."

Ike simply responded with a grunt.

Once Marth had recollected the magnets he'd dropped on the floor, he and Ike went back to work. And they were nearly finished when they got interrupted again.

"What is that?"

It was a good thing this newcomer snuck up on Marth, as the Altean handled the shock of a voice coming from behind much better than Ike did. Marth barely jumped, fingers frozen just overtop the last magnet for their pyramid, and whirled around sharply to see Samus staring right past him at the pyramid.

"Well?" the bounty hunter demanded. "Are you going to tell me what that is?"

"It's a step pyramid," Marth said plainly. "Like the ancient Egyptians built."

Samus looked at him now. "Are you an ancient Egyptian?"

Marth felt that was a stupid question. "No."

"So why are you building something they used to build?"

"Because I can."

Ike watched the exchange between the pair much the same way Marth had watched him and Sheik, though lacking the same deep-thought process Marth had. Ike just found Marth and Samus interacting to be amusing.

"Is this the last piece?" Samus' voice jerked Ike out of his reverie.

"Yes," Marth said, watching Samus' hand uncertainly as it reached for the magnet. "Don't touch! It has to be placed just perfectly!"

"Oh, shut up. I got it."

Samus plucked the magnet off the table. She placed her right hand on Marth's right shoulder and leaned over his left, deliberately keeping herself as close to him as possible. Then, she put the magnet down, right at the apex of the pyramid, right where it needed to go. She moved her left hand back to sit on Marth's left shoulder, but the rest of her didn't move.

"See?" she whispered. She was close enough to Marth's ear that she didn't need to speak any louder. "I got it."

"Yeah, I see." Marth wondered if Samus could feel his pulse pounding through his veins at a ridiculous rate seeing as he was sitting still. "You're very close to me, you know."

"I know."

"Okay, just checking."

"Hm." They were both quiet for a minute. Then, suddenly, Marth felt something light and soft brush his cheek and he saw Ike's hand fly to his mouth and his blue eyes go wide. Samus' weight left his shoulders, and the bounty hunter disappeared.

When Ike continued to stare wordlessly at the prince, Marth's patience began to wear and he got irritated. "Why are you staring at me like that? What did she do?"

If possible, Ike's eyes got even wider. "You mean you don't know?"

Marth shook his head. "No."

Ike grinned lopsidedly. "Then I'm not telling."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, buddy."

"Hmph." Marth stood up and stalked off, mind in a tizzy. He was quickly replaced by Zelda and Link returning from the kitchen, the latter clutching a new steaming cup of coffee.

"What's he all in a huff about?" Link asked, gesturing at the retreating Altean.

Ike smiled enigmatically. "He just got a lesson in forces of attraction, that's all."


	20. April Fool's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master prankster Marth is at it again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a request from FF.net. I think this was the chapter I wrote while flying at 37000 feet, which I think makes it kind of cool.

Little did Link know that he was about to have a very eventful April Fool's day. He was lying in his bed-or what he thought was his bed-and was thoroughly uncomfortable. His pillow seemed to be rock hard, and something small and sharp was carving its way into the small of his back.

 _Ugh,_ he thought, _why is my bed so uncomfortable? And my nose…so iiitchy…must…scratch…ahh- WHAT THE HELL?_

Link fully opened his eyes to see that the hand scratching his nose was not a hand at all: it was a paw. The second thing he noticed was that he was definitely not in his bed; rather, he was outside at the brawl stadium, which was set up as Spear Pillar. He hopped up and proceeded to run around in circles, checking himself out. After a full inspection, it was confirmed: he had indeed reverted to his wolf form from Twilight Princess. Now completely at a loss for what to do, Wolf Link sat back on his haunches to think everything over. He didn't have much time, however, for the crowd that hadn't made itself known until now erupted with cheers at something that had appeared right behind the dog.

Suddenly uneasy, Wolf Link leapt up, whirled around, and began to whimper in fear. Standing in the middle of the stage, in all its blue and silver glory, was a massive dinosaur-like creature: Dialga. It growled ferociously; a deep, rippling sound that caused Wolf Link to seriously question his chances of getting off the stage in one piece.

Then, the sky darkened to a deep blue and an expectant hush settled over the crowd. A feeling of dread wormed its way into Wolf Link's heart and he began to silently pray that what he thought was going to happen, wouldn't.

Unfortunately, it did. As the canine watched, the diamond in the center of Dialga's chest glowed blue, and the finlike projections on its backside elongated. It opened its powerful jaws, and a bright blast of indigo light was released: the Roar of Time.

The crowd, which was protected by everything imaginable, was not too affected by the powerful attack. Down on the stage, however, things were interesting. Wolf Link had dashed out of the way the second he'd realized what was about to happen, but he hadn't been quick enough as the edge of the beam caught him. He was sent rocketing across the stage, landed hard, and slid and rolled over the edge. He flung out his paw in a last-ditch attempt, and to his surprise snagged the edge of the stage.

Once he had determined it was safe, Link scrambled up onto the stage and for the first time noticed the HP bars on a screen for him and Dialga. Though his chances of winning were nearly non-existent since Dialga's HP tripled his initially (his had been cut in half by the Roar of Time), he still decided it was worth it to try and win. Resolved, he assumed the ready position and tried to remember how to do battle in his shifted form.

It didn't take too long to come up with a plan: since Dialga was dazed from having launched such a powerful attack, Wolf Link saw no point in devising something elaborate. So, he ran around the pokémon and up along its tail to reach its head. There, he proceeded to bite, claw, scratch, or anything that came to mind. This caught Dialga by surprise, and at first the creature was too stunned to react, but then it shook itself and sent Wolf Link tumbling down.

Wolf Link landed back on the ground, sliding a little, and glanced at the HP bars. Dialga's was significantly lower; the attack had been successful. Pleased, Wolf Link went to try his tactic again.

Unfortunately, like all living things, Dialga was ready the second time. When Wolf Link made to run along its tail, it swung the appendage sharply. Wolf Link was sent careening through the air, tumbling end over end, before landing none too gently back on solid ground.

The situation was worsening. Not only was Dialga fully alert once more, but Wolf Link's HP was sitting dangerously low. Dialga no longer tripled him, but if the temporal pokémon chose to use Roar of Time again, the canine was screwed. It was clearly time for a new tactic.

After some scampering around and avoiding being stepped on multiple times, the new tactic was ready. When Dialga made to step on Wolf Link again, the dog sprinted under the heavy foot. Now underneath the pokémon, Wolf Link proceeded to attack in much the same way he had Dialga's head. Dialga, for its part, roared and stomped around, attempting to crush the life out of the annoying little thing driving it nuts.

Eventually, it occurred to Dialga that, in order to squish the thing under it, it needed to lie down. Wolf Link only realized just in time what was happening as Dialga's underside got steadily closer, and he sprinted out, narrowly avoiding being crushed. He chanced a peek at the HP bars again, and was thrilled. Dialga's HP was equal with his. Willpower renewed, he continued on the offensive.

It was more difficult now to be on the offensive. Dialga seemed to dodge every one of Wolf Link's attacks, and when dodging wasn't possible, it swung either its head or its tail and knocked the dog out of the air. After slamming into the ground for the fifth time, Wolf Link felt too exhausted to stand back up. He was so close to winning, but he didn't have the energy anymore. He gave up.

Something caught his eye. There, right in front of his muzzle, was something silver and blue. Hardly believing his luck in landing right next to Dialga's tail, he bit down hard on it. Dialga roared in pain and defeat, and exploded in a burst of white light and rainbow colour.

The crowd exploded with cheers and applause. The brawl had been exciting, suspenseful, and everything they'd hoped it would be. A few people laughed as Wolf Link did a doggie victory dance around the stage. Over the loudspeaker, Aaron the announcer said in his captivating voice: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the April Fool's prank brawl: Wolf Link!"

He waited as the crowd cheered once more before continuing. "I now ask that the person or people who planned this prank come forward."

Wolf Link watched with mild surprise as Marth appeared on the stage, grinning lopsidedly and waving animatedly at the crowd before jogging over to Wolf Link.

"Heya, doggie," he laughed. "You want a treat? Hm?"

Had Wolf Link been able to speak, he would have said, "Fix me right now, you stupid prince, or I swear to goddess I will rip you apart with my wolf fangs." Instead, he bowed and growled menacingly.

The Altean just chuckled. "Okay, I've had my fun." He stuck his two pinky fingers in his mouth and whistled. The shrill sound carried all throughout the stadium, and about five seconds after the sound had fully dissipated, the imp Midna appeared right in front of Wolf Link.

"Well, well, well!" she laughed. "Long time no see, Link!" She reached around behind her and produced a black dagger-like object with orange decal. "Bet you thought I got rid of this, huh?" she grinned, one fang showing. "Your friend here figured I'd have kept it, and he turned out to be right, so he used it to pull this whole thing off! Isn't he brilliant?" Midna turned and gave Marth a look of helpless infatuation. The prince waggled his fingers at her half-heartedly and looked rather uncomfortable. Wolf Link retched.

"Uh, Midna?" Marth prompted when the imp continued to gaze at him adoringly. "You should turn Link back now."

"What?" Midna started. "Oh. Right." She spun upwards in a circle, her arms spread wide, and Wolf Link disappeared in a flash of white light. In his place he left a somewhat beat up, pajama-clad, irritated-but-happy-to-be-back-in-his-own-body Hylian sitting on the ground.

"Well, my work here is done," Midna said as she prepared to go. Just before disappearing to wherever it was that she came from, she turned, batted her eyelashes at Marth and trilled, "Bye-bye, cutie pie!" Then she left.

"You!" Link rounded on Marth not seconds after Midna had disappeared, leaving the prince no time to feel relieved. "What kind of twisted person are you? How did you even pull this off? I was asleep in my bed, and then-"

"I'm not telling," Marth interrupted coolly.

"What?"

"I'm not telling you how I pulled this off," Marth repeated. "If I did, how would I ever pull a trick on you again?"

Link tried to say something, but all that came out was a funny, high-pitched squeak.

Marth laughed. "April Fool's!"


	21. Flip Flop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue is definitely not Link's colour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a nutshell, more pokemon shenanigans! I got two requests on FF.net for this. Also there is fluff.

It is one thing to wake up and not be in one's bed, but another thing entirely to wake up and not be in one's own body. This is the predicament that faced several of the smashers, on the day a little visitor floated through the portal.

* * *

It took Link far too long to figure out what was going on.

His first indicator that something was off should have been the fact that he woke up in Marth's room. The second one should've been that his body just felt wrong; it was too slim, too proper, and nothing like the body of a village boy should have been. The least obvious indicator, the significance of which would not be discovered until later, was that the window in Marth's room was open, just like the one in Link's room had been when the Hylian had gone to sleep. Of course, Link failed to realize the implications of all of those things, and so reality floored him when he looked in the mirror.

"What is-" Link began, but cut himself off right away, clapping his hand over his mouth. _Oh holy goddess,_ he thought to himself, _not only do I look like Marth but I sound like him, too. This is so not gonna be a good day…_

Right then, there was a sharp, insistent rapping at the door. Link opened it and found himself face to face with…himself. He was about to comment on it when whoever was inhabiting his body beat him to the punch.

"Jeez, I never thought I'd be face to face with myself!"

The Link in Marth's body laughed. "Same." Then: "Okay, you gave me a good scare. Now switch us back."

Link watched his own face fall and his own voice respond as Marth said, "I can't. This wasn't my doing."

"So then whose was it?"

Marth-Link shrugged. Link-Marth sighed and started to run a hand over his hair, but stopped halfway with a goofy grin on his face.

"Dude," he said to the Marth in his body, "how do you get your hair so soft?"

Marth smiled crookedly, which looked a bit scary on Link's face. "Sorry, it's a trade secret."

"C'mon," Link whined, "please?"

"No way."

A new voice joined the conversation. "Hello."

"Ike!" Marth exclaimed, turning around.

"Dude," Link said, still feeling up his—or rather, Marth's—hair, "Marth's hair is so soft. Here, feel!" He reached out and pulled Ike's hand, placing it on his head.

"Why are you referring to yourself in third person?" Ike asked (as if it was the strangest thing happening in that moment).

"I'm not," Link said (though it appeared to be Marth speaking), "I'm Link."

"I'm pretty sure you're Marth."

"And I'm pretty sure I'm not."

"I'm Marth!" Marth interjected.

"No," Ike rounded on him, "you're Link."

Marth sighed heavily. "Okay, let me make this real simple for you." He waved his hands between him and Link. "Link and I have switched bodies. He's in me, and I'm in him. Does this make sense now?"

Ike was completely blunt. "No, but that's not important. Good prank, you two. You can stop now."

"That's the problem," Marth explained. "We can't. This wasn't our doing."

Ike looked from the Marth claiming to be Link to the Link claiming to be Marth. He wanted to believe that this was all just a huge joke and that any minute now Marth would yell out, "Gotcha!" but he was starting to get a sinking feeling. "So-"

He was cut off by a noise a ways down the hall. Ike, Link, and Marth stepped out of the doorway to take a look, and were quite stupefied. Pit was zooming down the halls, flying at top speed and twirling around. His work was oddly clumsy and he hit the ceiling a few times. As he got closer, the others could hear him singing.

"I believe I can fly…I believe I can- OH MY GOSH WATCH OUT!"

Unfortunately, Pit was moving too fast and Ike reacted too slowly, for they collided head on. Ike fell back on the ground, Pit flat on top of him.

"Sorry…"

Ike grunted. He lifted Pit up off him, held the angel aloft while he himself stood up, and then set him down on the ground. "Don't worry about it. Now, what is up with your flying? That's the clumsiest maneuvering I've ever seen!"

"I'm not used to these wings," Pit said simply.

"What are you talking about?"

Pit was quiet for a minute before responding. "You probably won't believe me, but…" He hesitated, unsure of how to explain what was going through his head. "I'm not Pit. I'm Red."

When all he received in response was a blank look, he continued. "Maybe I'll start from the beginning. I went into the cafeteria this morning, and I wasn't watching where I was going and I ran into Pit. I apologized, and then went over to the kitchen to get food. I could've sworn that then I saw stars in front of my eyes and I fell down, and the next thing I knew I was sitting at a table and I had wings!"

Ike was quiet while he processed all this, and Red waited patiently for his response. Finally, Ike said, "Strangely enough, I believe you."

They were interrupted then by some snickering. Ike looked to see Marth and Link huddled around a cell phone. The warrior moved behind them to look; he saw, to his horror, that they were laughing at a picture of him…with Pit on top of him. Already he could hear the fangirls in his head…as an instinctive reaction, he brought back his fist and punched the back of the blond head.

"Ouch! Don't hit me, it was Link's idea!"

"But you're Link," Ike responded innocently.

"No, I'm not," Marth repeated, voice shaking with pain and anger, "I'm the prince of Altea in Link's body. That's Link," he pointed.

Ike was about to say something back when he was interrupted by running feet down the hall and a loud, "Hey!"

* * *

Pit was running as fast as Red's body would allow him, seeing as he couldn't fly with it. After having run into the pokémon trainer in the cafeteria, falling asleep inexplicably at the table, and then waking up on the floor with a hat on and no wings, he was hoping beyond all hope that he would run across his own body, which he assumed was being inhabited by Red. Once he'd found himself, he was planning on crashing right into himself. Then, if all worked well, he'd switch back with Red and they'd each be in their proper body.

It was genuine luck that he found himself almost instantly.

"Hey!" he yelled, trying to get his own—or rather Red's—attention. He watched himself turn to face down the hall and his own blue eyes go wide as Pit crashed headlong into himself.

Ike watched with mild amusement as the two smaller boys tumbled end over end before coming to a dead stop with multiple groans.

"Ooh," Red moaned, "what'd you do that for?"

Pit didn't answer. He hopped upright immediately and patted himself down. "Did it work? Did it work? Am I me again?" He felt behind himself; no wings. He patted his head; there was a hat. Pit let out a small sob. "No…I'm still you," he pointed despairingly at Red on the floor.

"Hey!" Red's pride was hurt. "What's so bad about that?"

"Hello? You can't fly!"

"Well, currently I can," Red pointed out.

"Okay, yeah," Pit agreed, "but they're MY wings!"

"Point."

"Can I interject something here?"

Red and Pit stopped arguing. Red spoke. "What is it, Link?"

"I'm not Link," Marth was getting tired of repeating that, "but that's not the point. Before we move any farther, you two should give us any info you have on this predicament."

Pit shrugged. "I know nothing. The one method for switching back that I got off that _Freaky Friday_ movie didn't even work."

"Dude," Link laughed, "it didn't even work in the movie!"

Pit frowned. "Oh, shut up."

"Um, guys?" Red started hesitantly. "I think I know what's behind this."

"What?" the other four boys demanded unanimously.

Red held up a finger. "One word: Manaphy."

* * *

"Hey," Ike spoke into the walkie-talkie, "remind me again why it's me going after this thing and not one of you?"

It was Marth's smooth voice that came through the device as Link began to explain. "Because you're the only one of us that hasn't been flip-flopped yet. If one of us were to go in there and get flopped again, righting everyone would be nearly as complicated as a Zelda temple and I get enough of those in Hyrule."

"Riiight," Ike agreed sarcastically. "Now will you put Red on? I need him to explain what I'm supposed to do again."

Over the talkie, Ike heard a fair amount of shuffling, and then finally the sound of Pit's voice as Red got his hands on the device. "Hi Ike. What's up?"

"Explain to me again how I'm supposed to catch this Manaphy."

"Oh. Sure. You still got the pokéball?"

Ike looked down to his left hand; the small red and white sphere was still clutched in it. "Yep."

"Good," came Red again. "So, all you need to do is sneak up on Manaphy and throw the ball at it. If it works, Manaphy will be captured, and then you can bring it back here and I'll handle it from there."

Ike nodded his head, forgetting that Red couldn't see him. "Alright, sounds simple enough. Here I go!"

"Good luck."

Ike peered out cautiously from behind the half-closed cafeteria door that was concealing him. His blue eyes scanned the perimeter, and quickly alighted on a floating, blue, bulbous creature: Manaphy. Currently, the creature was distracted by something outside the window; its large eyes were fixated on it and it was gurgling happily.

Ike moved quickly. He slid out from behind the door and ducked under the nearest table, crawling from cover to cover and popping his head out occasionally to check that Manaphy was still distracted.

In seconds, he was within tossing distance. Carefully, at an almost unbearably slow pace, Ike moved out from under the last table and prepared to throw. In one smooth motion, he brought back his arm and, with a flick of the wrist, released the pokéball.

His aim was perfect. The pokéball went right on course and captured Manaphy with a speed most pokémon trainers would envy. Ike scooped up the pokéball as soon as it stopped shaking and headed out for Red's room. He pulled the walkie-talkie out of his pocket and brought it to his mouth.

"Guys," he said into the device, "I got it."

"Good," came the static filled voice of the Hylian inhabited by the Altean. "Now take it to Lucario."

"What for? I thought I was bringing it back for Red to deal with."

"Change of plans. Lucario's going to try to commune with it and convince it to switch us all back."

That made sense. "Oh, okay. I'll do that, then." Ike slipped the walkie-talkie back into his pocket and made for Lucario's room.

* * *

Lucario was standing outside in the hall, waiting for Ike when the warrior arrived. The pokémon held out his paw and requested telepathically that Ike hand over the pokéball. Ike complied.

The next five minutes dragged on for eternity. While Lucario stood, gazing intently at the pokéball and deep in telepathic communication with the Manaphy, Ike leaned his back against the wall and slid down to sit on the floor. He felt tired, and his eyes began to drift closed. Just as he was about to fall asleep, Lucario interrupted with: _It is finished._

"Good," Ike intoned, standing up. He stretched and stifled a yawn. "So, now what?"

_This._ Lucario walked off to Red's room, Ike close behind. He opened the door and tossed in the pokéball. There was a flash of blue-white light as Manaphy was released, and Lucario quickly shut the door again. _And now, we wait._

Inside the room, the four flip-flopped boys watched with mild curiosity and apprehension as the newly-released Manaphy explored the room. After ballooning around a bit, it began to spin and float up and down on the spot, trilling. Heart-shaped sparkles filled the air. Simultaneously, Marth, Link, Pit, and Red crumpled like rag dolls onto the floor.

When Lucario heard the sound of four people hitting the ground, he opened the door again and tossed in another pokéball to recapture Manaphy. Then he entered the room, followed by Ike, who took two steps and then stopped dead.

Lucario sensed the negative change in Ike's demeanour, and so acted quickly before the blue-haired boy could freak out. _Do not worry; they will wake soon._

Even having been told that, Ike couldn't help feeling a little uneasy, but he contented to watching over the four boys on the floor until they awoke. Lucky for him, it wasn't long before the first of them began to stir. It was Marth's body that moved first: a hand reached up to rub an eye while the other hand propped the body up into a sitting position. Then, a short gasp escaped the lips and cobalt eyes opened wide. The hand that had been rubbing the eye now firmly grasped a lock of hair and yanked it down as far as possible to see what colour it was. After staring at it for a minute, Marth's body fell back on the ground with a huge sigh of relief.

"I'm me again…"

Ike felt a huge wave of relief pass over him and went to congratulate Marth. Then someone else spoke, and sounded very irritated.

"Dude, get your big blueberry head off my hand!"

Instead of complying, Marth tipped back his head to get an upside-down view of whoever's hand it was he was squishing. Not surprisingly it was Link's, and when Marth shot him a ridiculous grin the Hylian couldn't resist laughing. They sat up off the floor.

Now it was Pit's turn to come to; however, rather than sitting up slowly like the other two boys, he stood up immediately and shot out the door like a rocket. He got a running start down the hall and then leapt into the air. To his utter delight, as soon as his feet left the ground, his wings unfurled and he flew. Doubling back, the angel corkscrewed all the way back to Red's room, yelling jubilantly. When he arrived, he saw Red already up and seated cross-legged on the floor, smiling and waving.

"Told you Lucario would know what to do!" he said happily.

"We still have one problem," Link pointed out from his seat beside the trainer. "What do we do with this Manaphy? We've already got one here in the weapons room."

Everyone was stumped by this, except Lucario, who made himself known again by suggesting that he take Manaphy back to Sinnoh. The boys all agreed that that was best, and so the aura pokémon left to carry out the task. The rest of the boys dispersed to carry on with their day.

* * *

Much later that night, Marth was strolling the halls, eyes wide and searching. He was looking for someone. He'd already knocked on her door, but to no avail: there had been no answer. Thus he had decided to look elsewhere, and as he entered one of the chair-filled rooms off the cafeteria, he spotted her curled up and asleep in a red armchair.

Marth approached Samus in the utmost silence. He knelt down in front of the chair, then shook her shoulder and said, "Hey. Hey! Wake up!" The bounty hunter lazily opened one eye to stare irritably at he who was so bold as to wake her.

The prince continued on, not at all hampered by her stare. "I figured out what it was you did a while ago."

Samus opened both eyes now and sat up, yawning. "Okay, first you have the gall to come and wake me, and now you're babbling about nonsense. Explain yourself."

Marth sighed in annoyance. "Remember when Ike and I were building the step pyramid out of magnets?"

"I do."

"Yes, well, I figured out what it was you did to me when you left after completing the pyramid for us."

Samus raised a thin blond eyebrow. "Oh, you did, now, did you? And what, pray tell, did I do?"

"You…" Marth hesitated. He could feel his earlier confidence waning and was no longer sure whether he could go through with this. However, he was already off the deep end; there was no use floundering. He continued on, taking a deep breath to keep his voice steady. "You kissed me."

This revelation caught Samus completely off guard. As far as she could tell, she had been so smooth in her movements that only she should've known what she had done, save Ike who had been directly across from her at the time. Clearly Marth was more perceptive than he seemed. Samus stood up and walked over to the wall, her back to Marth in case her face decided to betray her thoughts. She fiddled with her nails and said simply, "Oh. So I did."

"Yes, you did," Marth repeated, "and now I'm getting even."

Samus turned around to see Marth right behind her, having snuck up so silently while her back was turned. She took an involuntary step backward, only to run into the wall. With it behind her and Marth hardly a hair's breadth away in front and his arms on either side of her, there was no escape. She looked him in the eyes, and he smiled coyly. Then he kissed her.


	22. Yard Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link, Marth, Ike, Pit, and Red do some yard work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call this a snippet, because it's very short, even compared to the previous chapters.

"Link, remind me again why we're doing this and not the caretakers?"

It was a cool fall day. The sky was clear and blue, and the occasional breeze ruffled the grass and trees of the field surrounding the Smash Mansion. Link, Marth, Ike, Pit, and Red were all outside at the request of their superiors, taking part in yard care and general cleaning.

"No idea," Link shrugged in response to Marth's question, leaning on his rake. "All Mr. Cameron really said to me after handing me this rake was, 'go clean up the yard, and get your blue-haired friends to help you.'"

"I think he thinks that it'll keep us out of trouble," Ike commented as he raked stray leaves into a low pile. Satisfied, he stepped back. "There, it's perfect. Go at it, Marth!"

"Right."

Marth restarted the push mower and, holding down the swinging handle to prevent the motor from shutting off automatically as models such as this one would do in the event the handle swung upward, drove it straight through the pile of foliage. Leaves he stirred up billowed about him in a brown, orange, and gold cloud, and once he'd passed through the whole pile a clean-cut, leaf-free strip of grass was exposed.

Initially, the boys had each started out with a rake, but since they also had to mow the lawn and raking leaves into a bag can be rather hard, Marth had come up with the ingenious idea of using the lawnmower to not only cut the grass, but to also shred and pick up the leaves along with the sheared off bits of lawn. It was really quite efficient.

"Hey, Marth, my pile's ready now!" Link called out.

Marth heard him and, after a fair amount of difficulty turning the mower around, drove through Link's leaf pile with much the same result as when he drove through Ike's. The crackle of dry leaves filled the air and the rev of the lawnmower drowned out most other noise.

After several more piles had been sufficiently mowed and the sun approached its apex, Link requested Marth swap jobs with him.

"Raking is getting difficult," the Hylian complained, "and that mower looks easy to push."

"Fine," Marth complied. He let go of the lawnmower handle; the swinging bar flipped up and the motor shut off.

As Marth bent to pick up Link's rake from where the blond had dropped it, a wild battle cry split the air, and following it was a dull, muffled _thwump._

The pattern repeated itself several more times before stopping, and Ike asked incredulously, "What on earth is that?"

"I don't know," Marth intoned slowly, cobalt eyes narrowing, "but I'm going to find out." He set off at a brisk pace, Ike and Link jogging to keep up.

As they rounded the back of the Smash Mansion, they came upon a strange sight: a thick, forty foot cable was strung taut across the field, from a small hook protruding from the stuccoed back wall of the mansion to a tall, strong, and solid tree in the middle of the field. The cable was also a good twenty-five feet off the ground, with large floor rugs draped over it. A small trampoline stood on the ground about fifteen feet from the cable and rugs. Near to that were Pit and Red, both holding baseball bats, bent over and panting slightly.

Pit was the first to raise his head and notice the new arrivals as they jogged up to him. "Oh, hi!" he greeted.

"Hi. What might you be up to?" Marth queried, stopping and eyeing the bat.

Pit grinned. "This."

The angel walked off down the field. When he got to about thirty meters away from the others, he stopped and turned to face the hanging rugs. Then, he shot off, running full tilt, and then leaped into the air, flapping his wings powerfully to gain height. He raised the bat over his head.

"Yaaaaaah!"

With all the force and momentum he could muster, Pit slammed the bat into the rug. A huge cloud of dust erupted, obscuring Pit from view until he touched down.

"That," he panted, "is what I've been up to."

"Well," Link expressed, "that basically explains the weird noises we could hear. But what's the trampoline for?"

"Me!" Red piped up. "I need to get air, but I can't fly, so I use that."

"Oh. Can I try?"

"Sure!" Red handed the Hylian the bat. "Go for it."

Link took the bat and swung it like a sword, getting a feel for its weight. Satisfied, he walked off to about where Pit had been before he had charged at the rugs. Link gauged the distances, trying to determine the best spot from which to jump at the trampoline; then, without much thought as to what he would do after he got in the air, he ran.

The ground thundered under his feet as he sprinted. He jumped on to the trampoline; the woven nylon fabric sank under his weight, and, in the blink of an eye, launched him back into the air. Link found himself moving far too fast. The rug was quickly approaching, and before he could even think about lifting the bat, Link smashed headlong into the carpet.

The force with which he hit it caused the rug to slip off the cable, and both it and Link ended up in a heap on the grass. Ike, Marth, Red, and Pit all ran over to it and began to pull it off Link, who was curled up on the ground. The great majority of the rug was underneath him.

As Ike began to gently pull the rug out from beneath him, Link moaned pitifully.

Marth knelt on the ground beside his friend. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Link grunted, rolling off the rug now so Ike could effectively pick it up. "The carpet broke my fall." He made to stand up, but only got halfway before falling back on the ground. "Damn…that was a dumb move."

"I'm glad you noticed without me having to tell you," Marth said nonchalantly.

"Pfft."

"It gets easier as you do it more," Red began to explain. "You have to plan the whole sequence of motion out before you even start. And, when you land, it helps to run off the excess momentum, or to roll." He paused. "Maybe I should've mentioned that before."

Link looked at the trainer, clearly annoyed. "You think?"

Ike changed the subject. "Link, can you get up now?"

"I think so."

Slowly, Link rose to a crouch, and from there to a full standing position. He seemed steady once more, much to the relief of his friends.

"Good," smiled Marth. "Now, let's go finish up our yard cleaning!"

* * *

By the time all five boys were finished, it was late and the sun was nothing more than a glowing red line on the horizon. Tired, and Link still smarting from his fall, they entered the Smash Mansion front doors only to run straight into Mr. Cameron.

Link got very angry. "What the hell did you make us do all that for?" he screamed. "And don't you tell me you have MORE for us to do! I swear I will cast-"

Marth stepped in; he knew exactly what Link was planning on saying, what Mr. Cameron's reaction was likely to be, and how much he really did not want to witness that. Purposely bumping into the Hylian to cut him off, Marth said politely, "Hello, Mr. Cameron. We finished our yard work, so if it's alright with you, we'll all go to bed now."

"That's perfectly alright with me," Mr. Cameron responded with a nod, "but I am hoping you will all stay up a little longer."

"What for?" Ike asked.

Mr. Cameron said nothing, and walked off toward the cafeteria. The boys followed.

"Your reward," Mr. Cameron said when as he opened the cafeteria doors. There, on a table, was a collection of wonderful things: all the food one can think of, from fruit and vegetables to pasta and sandwiches to meat of all kinds and to cake. The smashers's eyes grew wide as they took it all in.

"I am given to understand that none of you have eaten yet today," Mr. Cameron continued, "so I had the kitchen staff prepare this for you."

The brawlers said nothing. After hurried shouts of "Thank you!" from Pit and Red, the five boys attacked the table. Mr. Cameron smiled, and left quietly.

When the food was all gone, and the five boys were fuller than they had ever been before, they headed off to sleep without so much as a word, too tired and happy and full to do much more. It had been a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The leaf-eating-lawnmower idea that is said to be Marth's is actually my dad's. A while ago, he asked me to come outside and, while he blew the fallen leaves out on to the grass with a leaf blower, my job was to mow them over with our lawnmower (which is a push one. No fancy riding things for us, no sir!). The task wasn't too difficult, but since the wheels aren't on an axle, the thing is really damn hard to turn (you basically have to reverse and go forward making slight turns each way ad nauseam until you face the direction you want to go in), and the wind would blow the leaves all over the place and I would literally have to run after them since there was no one with a rake to keep them under control. Sigh. In any case, it was fun, and inspired this snippet.
> 
> Oh, and the rug bit? That was just random.


	23. Sparring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sword-wielding smashers battle it out just for fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another snippet, originally posted at the same time as the other. Inspired by a section in Eragon (by Christopher Paolini - give it a read if you've never read it before, one of my all-time favourites) where Eragon and Brom spar.

Early on a Saturday morning found Ike heading down to the recently repaired rec room. His shoes made no noise against the stairs down to the room, and in his hands he carried a pair of practice swords, made of metal with dulled and flattened edges. He was hoping, though not overly so, that someone would already be down in the rec room who he could chastise into sparring with him. As he got closer to the room, he began to hear the sounds of metal against wood: signs that someone was in there. Ike hurried his pace and jumped the last four steps, landing just inside the room.

Link was the one already there. He was barefoot, and lacking any sort of clothing besides a pair of loose, tan shorts. He held his blade, the Master Sword, in a basic two-handed grip and he padded across the floor, circling his target: a wooden dummy. Ike noticed that several chips and dents were already present in the shoulders and torso of the armless human imitation.

As the warrior stood watching, Link suddenly lunged forward, swinging his sword diagonally and cutting a deep gash through the wood dummy. Ike was impressed; the wood was thick, and it took impressive strength to create a wound like that.

The Hylian reassumed circling his enemy, acting as though the dummy could spring to life and attack him as he had just attacked it. A few feints, a horizontal slash, and a stab later, it was time for the final blow.

Link retreated, but farther back than before. He shifted his weight, dancing back and forth, before springing forward and into the air. He swung his sword up over his head and, with a wild yell, slammed it down upon the wooden dummy and split it with a crack, the two splintered halves flying apart.

"Impressive," Ike applauded. "You should test your skill now against something that can actually fight back."

Link stood up from the crouch in which he had landed, raking his damp hair out of his face. "Is that a challenge?"

"Maybe."

Link smiled cockily. "Then I accept. Pass me that practice sword."

Ike obliged, tossing him one of the two dulled swords. Link deftly caught it and leaned his own sword against the wall, where it would pose no danger to the two boys. He assumed the ready position.

"Ready?"

Ike rolled his shoulders, joints cracking. He mirrored Link's stance. "When you are."

The two boys stood facing each other, tense, and neither making a move toward the other. When Link's impatience got the better of him and charged, Ike followed a split second later. Their swords met in the middle, metal ringing, and both pressing against the other to see who would step back first. When it was clear neither would, they jumped apart and began anew.

They exchanged several blows, neither really gaining the advantage over the other: one would jab, the other would parry; one would swing wildly and the other would duck. They were evenly matched.

When Ike manoeuvred his way behind Link, trying to get him in the back, Link used his height to his advantage. Only coming up to Ike's shoulder meant that it was very easy for him to slip under the taller man's raised arm, and that's exactly what he did.

Now with the advantage, Link swung as if to decapitate Ike, fully expecting the fast parry that came and nearly sent his sword flying out of his hand. Link did not trust himself; he knew that if his swing had been hard enough and if Ike hadn't blocked, then even with a dulled blade he could have seriously hurt his friend, and he'd only attempted the move because he'd known that Ike would parry: he'd seen the initial movement before he'd even begun his swing.

They battled on, the sound of metal clashing ringing in their ears, and Link began to realize that he was losing. He noticed that Ike was slowly driving him back, and as his breathing became laboured it got harder and harder to defend himself. He had initially thought he could win by wearing Ike out, but though the man was as drenched in sweat as he was, Ike was clearly the stronger of the two. It wouldn't be long now.

Eventually, Link felt so taxed that even lifting his sword to defend himself seemed an impossible task. He began to simply duck and dodge.

Ike noticed the change in Link's battle strategy, and took full advantage of it. Discarding his sword momentarily, he rammed his shoulder into Link, toppling the smaller boy.

Link hit the ground hard, his breath whooshing out of him. His vision flashed, and he gasped. It took him a minute to regain control of himself. When he did, he saw Ike standing over him, holding the practice sword suspended point down over the center of Link's chest. In a real battle, he'd have been dead.

Ike moved the sword and stepped off to the side. Link rolled to a standing position with a huff.

"You win," he conceded.

Ike nodded, politely agreeing.

The boys fell silent for a moment, and then Ike commented, "You know, there's not a single mark on my body from that fight."

"Me neither," Link agreed, somewhat surprised. "Your sword never touched me once."

"Odd," said a new voice, "because since you lost you'd think he'd have hit you at least once."

Ike and Link jumped at the sound of the new voice, searching for its source. They found it in the corner: Marth was standing there, still in his pyjamas, watching them.

Link flipped. "How long have you been there, huh?"

"I got here shortly after Ike," Marth replied calmly, "right about when you two started to fight. It was impressive, though I can't believe that neither of you landed a blow on the other, with the exception of the finishing blow."

"I like to go straight for the critical hits," Ike informed.

Marth tugged his pyjama shirt over his head, exposing his chest, and produced a practice sword. He swung it around in a fanciful arc. "So, which one of you wishes to battle me?"

Link was the first to respond. "Not me!"

Marth looked sad. "Why not?"

"Because I couldn't even beat this oaf," the Hylian gestured at Ike, "so how can I expect to beat you?"

He got two answers at the same time:

"You have a point."

"Who're you calling an oaf?"

Needless to say, Link got out of there quickly and spent the rest of the day keeping his distance from Ike. He liked his face the way it was, thank you very much.


	24. Little Justice League

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The littlest smashers play superhero; using their treehouse fort as base, they race to solve Toon Link's vicious riddles, but when something seems off, it's up to the little heroes to rescue their friend from the puzzle master!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a request on FF.net. All riddles with the exception of Marth's came from Professor Layton games.

Of the many trees in the field surrounding the Smash Mansion, only one was perfect for a treehouse: a tall oak, with a thick, straight trunk, and powerful limbs branching outward, leaving a large, empty space at the center of it all. It looked nearly like something out of _Lord of the Rings_.

In that central gap was built a clubhouse, about the size of a small bedroom, with a low ceiling that was perfect for the little smashers. For them, it was a sort of secret getaway, and over their time spent there they filled it with a number of things: a set of folding chairs and a picnic table to match; a long, low dresser (though how they got that up the ladder no one could ever tell) in which they kept everything from board games to treats smuggled from the kitchen. Elaborate drawings of things from the respective worlds of the little smashers covered what available wall space there was.

The three walls that didn't have a door built into them had windows instead, to let in natural light. Butterflies liked to flit in and out of the window, occasionally congregating in the middle of the clubhouse in a colourful explosion, much to the amusement of Lucas, Ness, Toon Link, Nana and Popo.

The five liked to meet in the clubhouse on the days they didn't have to brawl to choose what they wanted to do. One day, it was superheroes.

"And then Superman swooped in and saved her!" cried Ness, raving about the movie he'd just seen. "It was amazing!"

"I like Batman," Lucas put in. "The Dark Knight is cool!"

"Ooh, and Spiderman!" Popo cheered, mimicking shooting webs from his wrists.

"We should play superheroes today," Nana suggested.

This was met with resounding approval. "We could be…the Justice League of the Smash Mansion," Ness said, beaming with pride at the clichéd ingeniousness of the name.

And so, it was decided that Ness would be Superman and Lucas would be Batman; Popo was adamant about being Spiderman, while Nana had her heart set on Wonder Woman. Only Toon Link was left.

"C'mon, Toon Link," Ness urged, "you pick a superhero too!"

Toon Link shifted uncomfortably in his folding chair. "I don't want to be a superhero."

Ness's jaw dropped. "What? Why?"

Toon Link shrugged. "Because I'm already a hero." Then he grinned. "I want to be a supervillain."

Everyone beamed at that, and after much delliberation, Toon Link settled on a classic Batman villain: the Riddler.

"Okay!" Toon Link stood up and walked over to the dresser. Out of the top drawer he pulled a timer; he placed it on the table and set it for one hour. "When this goes off, come track me down in my lair!"

The four remaining in the treehouse passed the time by playing Chutes and Ladders. They got through a game and a half before the timer went off, scaring Nana, who happened to be the nearest to it. She recovered quickly, and they were all out the door and on the ground in no time.

"All right," Ness said, puffing out his chest and putting on his best Man-of-Steel look, "the Riddler has stolen a precious treasure and we," he paused for effect, "the Justice League of the Smash Mansion, must get it back!"

Everyone cheered.

"So, how are we gonna go around and look for clues?"

Lucas was quick to answer Popo's question. "We'll take my Batmobile!" He put out his hands as if to hold a steering wheel. "Come on!"

Ness, Popo, and Nana lined up behind him and each put their hands on the one in front of them. Then, the makeshift Batmobile sped off through the grass.

It wasn't long before they came across their first clue: a folded slip of paper tacked to a tree at eye level. Lucas took it down and read it out.

"If yesterday's day after tomorrow is Sunday, what day is tomorrow's day before yesterday?"

"That's tough," Popo stated. "I don't know the answer." He looked around at his companions; they all shrugged or shook their heads. "Well, that's it then." Just as they were about to admit defeat, however, their saviour showed up.

"Hey, guys!" Pit smiled, jogging up to the little group. "What are you up to?"

"We're the Justice League of the Smash Mansion and we're chasing after the Riddler!" Ness announced. "But…we can't figure out the riddle."

"Well that's no fun. Here, let me have a look." Pit held out his hand, and Lucas passed him the paper. Pit read it once, twice, and then a third time very slowly, tracing shapes in the air with his finger. Finally, he produced a scrap of paper and a pencil from his pocket and marked out seven boxes in a row, labelling each one a day of the week. He made a few additional marks, and then presented it to the three younger boys and Nana.

"See here," he began. "If yesterday's day after tomorrow is Sunday," he pointed at the box marked as Sunday, "then yesterday is Friday," he hopped back two squares to Friday, "and today is Saturday. Follow?"

There was a moment of silence as the little smashers processed this, and then Pit received four nods of confirmation. He continued on.

"Okay, so that means tomorrow is Sunday, and Sunday's day before yesterday is…?"

Nana got it first. "Friday!"

"Yes!"

"But what does it mean?" Popo asked.

Everyone was stumped. Pit looked back at the page in his hand, and flipped it over. Written on the backside was the word "clue." He looked up and around, and noticed several more trees in the area, all with papers tacked to them.

"Guys," the angel instructed, "check these other papers and see if there's something written on one of them."

The little smashers spread out and checked the trees, and Lucas was the one lucky enough to go to the right tree first. "This paper says 'Friday!'" he called.

Ness ran up beside his friend, took the paper off the tree, unfolded it, and groaned. "It's another calendar puzzle."

While everyone else was annoyed, Pit looked eager. "Let's hear it!"

"'If seven days after seventy days ago was a Sunday, seven days before seventy days from today is what day of the week?"

Pit's eyes seemed to bug out of his head. "Whoa…uh, let me think on that one."

Ness, Lucas, Nana, and Popo watched with amusement as Pit, with a screwed up face, counted things out on his fingers and mumbled to himself. Then, he took his scrap of paper again and wrote something on it, studied it, wrote something else down, looked at it sideways, and then finally said, "It's Sunday."

"Wow!" Lucas was impressed. "How did you figure it out?"

Pit waved dismissively. "Too complicated for you. It has to do with multiples of seven."

"I don't know what those are…"

"Exactly my point. Now, was there a tree with a paper that said 'Sunday?'"

Nana was the one to get up and go over to the tree to retrieve the paper. She unfolded it and looked at it before turning back, upset. "It's blank!"

Popo rushed to his sister's side and confirmed what she'd said. "Now what?"

"I know!" Ness cried. "Let's look _in_ the tree! Pit, gimme a boost!"

The angel complied, airlifting Ness into the tree. The psychic boy shuffled around up there before yelling, "Jackpot!" and jumping down to earth. He passed Pit the green cloth-wrapped bundle he'd retrieved, saying, "This was up there, and one of Toon Link's arrows pointing at the mansion."

Nana took the bundle from the angel and unwrapped it. Inside was a cookie.

"What does it mean?" Lucas asked while Ness and Popo eyed the cookie hungrily.

"Well, think!" Pit prompted. "Where in the mansion do we get cookies?"

"The kitchen!" Ness exclaimed.

"Let's go!" cried Lucas, and they all ran off, Nana passing the green cloth back to Pit. The angel fingered it.

"Funny…this feels just like the material Link's hat is made of…I'd say it was Toon Link's but this green is too dark to be his. Hmm…"

* * *

In the kitchen, conveniently enough, was a large plate of chocolate chip cookies on a table near the door with a roll of paper sticking out the top. Ness took it and unrolled it.

"What does it say?" asked Nana, hardly able to contain her excitement.

"It says…RHB, with two little lines after. Kinda like an equal sign."

"Here," Pit held out his hand. Popo handed him the paper trying to roll back in on itself. He held it open and examined it. The writing was terribly messy, and the lines looked almost like they could be…

"It's an equation!" Pit yelled suddenly. He produced his paper and pencil again and rewrote out the numbers, careful to keep his handwriting clear. "It's not RHB, it's 121-113!"

"Eight!" Lucas chirped. Pit gave him the thumb's up.

"So now that we have the answer," Nana said, "what do we do with it?"

"Maybe there's something we're supposed to count," Popo offered.

"Like the cookies?"

"Nah, there're too many of them."

"Well, then what?"

"There must be something numbered we're supposed to count."

"The weapons are numbered!" Nana exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah!" Popo agreed. "Like our hammers are."

"Your hammers are numbered?" Ness asked, disbelieving.

Nana explained: "Yes, well…we have more than one pair, so the pairs are numbered to keep track of them."

"Bombs and things are numbered as well," Popo put in. "I think arrows are too."

"Mine aren't," Pit said, "but Toon Link's might be. Let's go check them for the Riddler's next clue!"

* * *

In the weapons room, which appeared to be closet size but was really much bigger, Toon Link's number eight arrow was located with relative ease, in a quiver on a shelf not far from the door. Tied onto the shaft of the arrow was another rolled up page. Popo unrolled it.

"Hey!" he gasped. "There are two riddles here."

"Read the first one," Ness prompted.

"A woman says, 'I'm trying to shoo the birds away from these power lines. Each time I clap my hands, half of them fly away, but one comes back and the number of birds always ends up right back where it started!' So, how many birds were on the power lines to start with?"

After a minute, Nana was the first to think of something. "Well, if half fly away but one comes back and the number is back where it started, half must be one."

"And the total must be two!" Popo finished.

Ness spoke again. "Now what's the next one?"

Popo read: "According to a survey, there's one place in the Smash Mansion where there is a higher average of injured people throughout the year. Where?"

"The stadium?" Nana offered uncertainly.

Lucas scratched his head. "I don't remember a survey…"

Pit asked, "Any other ideas?"

No one answered.

"Alright then. To the stadium!"

* * *

The stadium, without its roaring crowd and colourful sets for brawls, was little more than an empty platform in the middle of rising rows of empty seats. But despite its size, it took the Justice League of the Smash Mansion and Pit less than a half hour to completely search it, and their efforts yielded nothing.

"I don't get it," Popo gasped, collapsing into the nearest chair. "We searched…everything…"

"We're in the wrong place," Pit said, landing next to the Ice Climber, "but where else could we look?"

Nana finally voiced something that had been puzzling her ever since they'd entered the stadium. "I think…I think that even if the stadium is where we get injured the most, it's not—"

"It's not where the injured stay!" Pit finished, hopping back into the air and swooping around. "C'mon guys, let's go to the infirmary!"

* * *

The group had much better luck in the infirmary. Following the clue given by the lady with the birds puzzle, they located the bed second from the door and found an envelope lying on the bed sheet. Ness got it first, and dumped all the contents on the floor back out in the hallway. The ripped pieces of paper that fell out all had fragments of writing on them.

Lucas had two of the fragments in his hands and was examining them closely. "What do they mean?" he whispered.

Ness took the papers from his friend. "We have to put them together, like a puzzle. This is a job for the Man of Steel!"

The "Man of Steel" was not really up to the task. The other four allowed Ness to fuddle around with the scraps for a full five minutes before Nana and Popo stepped in, orienting the pieces and completing the note in no time. Ness looked put out.

Lucas read the note: "It says: 'Come to my room,' but 'room' is scribbled out. 'Lair' is written under it."

"We should go to Toon Link's—I mean, the Riddler's lair then!" Popo announced, standing up and walking off. The others followed, Lucas and Pit bringing up the rear. Lucas was having some doubts, and voiced as much to the angel.

"Um…Pit?"

"Yeah?" replied Pit. "What's up?"

Lucas fiddled with his hands nervously. "I just noticed…the riddles aren't really riddles, they're more puzzles." Being a true fan of Batman, Lucas couldn't let this slide.

"Hmm, I guess you're right," Pit agreed, but then dismissed it. "Toon Link must've just got it confused."

"I guess…" Lucas was not convinced. "But I have a feeling…I think someone who isn't Toon Link is leaving the puzzles."

Pit stopped dead, and Lucas walked right into his leg. The angel turned and squatted down beside the little psychic boy. "I've been thinking the same thing! The green cloth the cookie was in is a different kind of material than the kind Toon Link has. The green is too dark."

"And the puzzles!" Lucas chirped, excited now and bouncing on his heels. "They're not at all like what Toon Link would come up with!"

"Yeah, they're too complicated."

"So what do we do now?"

Pit stood up and scratched his head. "Well…I guess we keep going. This thing's gotta lead somewhere eventually!"

Lucas nodded eagerly, then ran off down the hall, excited to get to the bottom of it all.

* * *

Outside Toon Link's room, the group ran into a snag: the door was locked.

"No sweat!" Pit said, kneeling and pulling out a bobby pin. "Link showed me how it's done."

It wasn't long before a loud, satisfying click sounded, and Pit opened the door. Inside on the bed was a hastily scribbled and slightly crumpled note next to a pocket calculator. Lucas picked up the paper. "It says 101 x 5."

Ness punched the equation into the calculator. "The answer is 505," he said.

"Five hundred and five," Popo repeated. "What do we do with that?"

"I'm pretty sure there's not five hundred and five of anything in the mansion," Nana said, frowning.

"Let me see." Pit held out his hand and Ness handed him the calculator. The angel's blue eyes narrowed as he studied the blockish numbers, before getting very wide. "Holy Palutena…"

"What is it, what is it?" Ness, Lucas, Nana, and Popo all urged anxiously.

Pit looked worried as he revealed, "Toon Link needs help."

"What!" Ness gasped. "How can you tell?"

"Look."

Pit held out the calculator, and the younger ones peered at it. And one by one, they realized that the sharp, straight-lined numbers could be interpreted, not as 505, but as SOS.

"Oh my gosh," Lucas wailed, "what could've happened?"

The little boy's sick worry was contagious, and soon Pit was the only one in the room with the closest thing to rational thinking, given the circumstances. He quickly regained control of the situation.

"So here's what we'll do," he addressed the little audience. "We'll go talk to Marth."

"Why?"

"Well," Pit began in response to Nana's query, "based on experience, I think that even if Marth isn't behind it all, he'll know who is."

* * *

As Popo, Nana, Ness, and Lucas watched, Pit knocked on Marth's door. At first, there was no answer, but when Pit made to pick the lock Marth snapped, "If you break in here, I swear to the goddess I will slice you to ribbons."

"But we need to talk to you," Pit complained. "Something's happened to Toon Link!"

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Pit blinked stupidly. "Wha…what?"

Marth's smooth voice came again through the door: "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"Because they both start with R!" Ness announced proudly.

"Wrong."

"What!"

"Wait," Pit commanded just as Popo was about to answer, "this is a trick question. We have to think it through!"

They thought it through and through again, and the increasingly ridiculous answers were wearing on Marth's patience considerably, so that finally he said, "You've only got one more guess, so guess right!"

The four boys and Nana, mentally exhausted, were about ready to give up.

"This is stupid!" Pit yelled at the closed door. "A raven and a writing desk aren't alike at all!"

"Correct."

Pit's jaw dropped all the way to the floor.

"And as a reward," Marth continued, "here's a hint for you: on one of these doors is a recently installed keypad lock. To open it, follow these instructions: open with a two, but leave the four. Oh, and just so you know, pressing just the two button and leaving the four untouched won't work."

"Wait, what?" Ness said, placing his hands on either side and shaking his head. "Can you repeat that?"

"Sorry, your time has run out. Please try again later."

Pit was about to yell some choice insults at the Altean through the door when Ness called, "I found the door with the keypad!"

Sure enough, in the place of a doorknob was a keypad made up of the numbers 1 through 15, arranged numerically in five rows of three. Pit, however, noticed something rather odd about just whose door it was.

"Hang on, this is Link's…room…" Pit trailed off. "It all makes sense now."

"How do we open the door?" Ness asked, eyeing the keypad.

"I guess we try things," Nana suggested.

Try things they did. They tried every combination they could think of that involved pressing only two buttons and leaving the four button untouched, which totalled 182 combinations. Eventually Pit, running out of ideas, pushed several buttons that when lit up formed a two and left four buttons untouched. To his and everyone's delight, the door opened and Toon Link ran out and tackled Ness and Lucas screaming, "You guys really did come to save me!"

At the same time as Link appeared in his doorway, Ike opened his door and walked over. "What's going on?"

"Link, you jerk!" Pit yelled, running at the Hylian, but not getting very far before being jerked back by Ike grabbing the collar of his shirt.

"I think we should let him explain first," Ike said. The little smashers on the floor were feeling quite dumbfounded, and Pit was trying to recover from being choked by his shirt, so no one objected.

"It was simple, really," Link leaned his shoulder against the door frame. "I caught Toon Link not far from your little clubhouse, convinced him to tell me the plan, and then I kidnapped him and left my own trail of clues to lead you here! Unfortunately, the little squirt dropped some of his own without me noticing, but I guess even though I ripped up his note you all still figured it out."

"And just so you know," Marth said, his sudden appearance causing everyone to jump, "I was not part of Link's plan. Anything I did I did of my own free will."

"Well then you could've been more direct with your hints," Pit grumbled.

Marth grinned crookedly. "But that's no fun!"

"I'm confused…" Lucas mumbled.

Toon Link explained: "It was all just a big joke. And by the way," he turned to Link, "the Riddler uses riddles, not puzzles. Have you been playing too much Professor Layton?"

"Shut up, squirt!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the final chapter on FF.net before I discontinued this fic. Will I revive it? Probably not; I would prefer to have it remain as it is, and stand as a mark of what I can accomplish. Any more oneshots I come up with will likely be posted, but as their own fic and not as a chapter here.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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